Depression Is Ruining Us HELP

[jalbright]

Me and GF of 2yrs are really in a rough patch in recent times. Were both 27 and lived together for the past year. She’s had a very unstable upbringing from her family and tumultuous relationship w/ an ex BF of 9yrs. So certainly not the greatest foundation for emotional success. She has what to be expected, insecurity, paranoid/negative outlook, anxiety, and trust issues. However, she is an amazingly kind and genuine woman. She loves me more than I’ve ever been and would do absolutely anything for me. She’s loyal and trust worthy. I don’t want to make it sound like she’s a Jerry Springer nut case because that isn’t so. But in a close intimate relationship like ours her issues certainly cause major strains! She been off and on with therapy for many years and went to a psychologist back in high school and they say she was manic depressive I believe. Her current therapist (hasn’t seen him in about 6 months) last said she shows sign of bi polar disorder. She has taken anti-depressants for a while too.

Her continued lack of true trust in me and constant paranoia that some girl will always be after me has sparked my desire to end the relationship and I brought this too her. She began packing to move out but of course became such was a wreck, I mean just complete melt down! It gave me such extreme anxiety I seriously couldn’t handle it, I told her to stop packing stay and we can talk about how we could go about this. I feel like I almost need to see a therapist now  I know relationships/marriage are possible with these types of people but they take tremendous dedication , patience, and counseling. I just don’t know if I’m cut out and willing. She’s not in denial what so ever, she’s fully accepting of her issues and hates that she is this way. She knows the damage is causes. She now plans to see a physiologist to get another diagnosis and see what can be done. I just feel so incredibly horrible b/c I do love her and could not handle her completely hitting rock bottom without me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced in my life and just don’t know if I’m ready for this lifelong commitment and battle!

Sometimes I step back I'm just like "what am I doing? Why am I staying in this? I could be so free and begin a life of happiness"

[hithere]

Well I think everyone on here is with a BPD (or thinks they are) so I am not sure if you should be posting on another more suitable forum.

I could be so free and begin a life of happiness"

This is one of the reason I left my exBPD and I would imagine it would be the same for any serious mental illness.  If you want to stick it out it seems you have to be willing to fore go your own needs and happiness for the most part.

good luck.

[momtara]

Well, she might have BPD.  Who knows.  Seems like the priority has to be for her to get counseling and medication.  Neither of you wants to end the relationship, and you said some very nice things about her, so she has to see someone and find out how she can work on the behaviors that are harmful to you both.  It may be worth hanging in there even a little while to see how it goes.  You could also do couples counseling or come to some of her appointments.

You indicated at the end that you want to be happy, which tells me that you are not happy now.  That's a red flag.  Yet, you would be very UNhappy if you let the relationship go - at least in the short term.  Seems like there's no reason to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, but leaving makes you unhappy as well.  So at least stick it out a bit to see if it improves or make a list on what you'd need to happen in order to stay.

[jalbright]

Yes, I am unhappy.  It's like I'm constantly, even several times a day, going back and fourth between "it will be okay, this can work" and "this will never fully be okay, I'm just not ready for this life long battle."

So of course when I'm feeling down and pessimistic about the situation I'm obviously not acting towards her in the best way to combat her issues so it's a viscious cycle. I've been a very mentally healthy person my whole life and I'd say as a whole I still am for the most part, but theres moment and periods in dealing with the sitiaution I'm in (being with a BPD partner) where I just cant quite find thoughts and cope and feel I need thereapy.

Knowing that doesn't help either cause I think "I've never felt like I've needed a therapist my entire life, now she's making me mentally unstable at times!"

This may sound harsh, but truthfully if someone said "snap your fingers and you can erase this whole relationship like it never happened"... .  I would   :'( That seems like the only "easy" solution.