Finding compassion for self and DD on her way to jail

[qcarolr]

OK - I am more grounded today. My T has helped me so much with getting what I need taken care of. Bringing my fear out into the open in a safe place. THen I can put it aside when I need to be present in my relationships with others. Today - breath, stop, feel, think, give that worry to God, decide what is next best thing to do.

Also doing a mom mentoring stu)dy group at church. Book "Loving our Kids on Purpose" has helped me too. It is grounded in love and logic and expanded from there. Helping me with gd's needs. Also reading "The Power of Validation: Arming your child against bullying, peer pressure, addiction, self-harm and out-of-control emotions", Hall and Cook (need to do a review of this one). This is for all kids and all parents. It is guiding me to PRACTICE, PRACTICE PRACTICE --get the info out of my head, into my heart and expressed in wisemind.

Really happy with myself this morning - put some 'playfulness' skills into play with gd when she was wanting to hit me and was pushing my chair. Made it into a game instead of saying "stop it". And dh jumped right in. Totally defused the situation. So this is from tools in reading "Creating Loving Attachemnts" - PACE. P = playfulness. A=acceptance. C=curiosity. E=empathy. ACE have to be in place first, then the P is more effective. Especially in place within the parent.

So I think I found my tool bag today. Have an afternoon with dh home with gd, and can get the BPD box out with skills to advocate for DD. THen asked dh to help me be sure this box is put away when I get back home. I need to have my grandma tools out at home.

Going with DD soon to apply for public defender for her probation revokation hearing next Friday. Will find out name of lawyer today and make appt for next week. DD has asked for my help asking the 'right' questions, and listening to the answers with her.

Have made a "Stay out of jail" list. Will aske DD is she will choose one other thing to work on today after the PD lawyer.

Place to stay - friend that would accept cheap rent for a roommate situation. DD needs to know she will not be kicked out without 30 days notice, and a place to keep her stuff. Maybe she needs a locking trunk for her stuff!

Ask for appt next week with actual therapist at mental health. this is probation requirement. I left msg with her case mngr this morning.

Find out where she needs to register to do her community service hours (48 needed).

Choose a place working with clothing to do community service.

Call to see if she can still be in her level II drug/alchohol class.

I will not bring up the UA's. She knows about those. Big trigger.

If she can choose today, we can work on later.

One day at a time, one step at a time.

Pray for me to keep others probelms to solve off my shoulders and on theirs. Validation needs to be my practice for today.

qcr  

And find some couple time tonight to decompress and put the joy back.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Update:  Picked up DD; bought her a burger; went to PD office and got lawyer assigned that will be there for her next Friday in court; tolerated her distress motivated negative talk toward me; called and left second message to get therapy appt next week with her case manager in her presence as I dropped her off where she is staying; she said thank you to me for all my help today.  

It wasn't much fun, but we got started 2 of the 'stay our of jail' objectives. I did not share my list with her.

I was amazed at my ability to stay present with DD today. And to actually be direct with her about what I needed to stay present and engage with her. I used those exact words "present and engaged". She has to stop yelling at me and putting me down. She has to show me some appreciation for what I am doing for her. I bought her milk, laudry detergent and a pack of cigarettes.

I am cautiously hopeful about her doing T. It really depends on what kind of T they can offer her immediately. If they put her off - it is all over. She will change her mind. They have to intervene while she is in need. This is such a problem when using publicly funded help that is understaffed. Hope they get it.

qcr  

Radical Acceptance today. Turning my mind over and over and over to willingness to be present in my life. Accepting promise from God to take care of me if I surrender my worries to him. Visualize letting my worries go like clouds in the sky or butterflies in the meadow. "I am the cloud and cannot be moved. Yes, I love you, and I am OK while you struggle with your probelm and figure out where you put your respect, I am the cloud. I am going to manage me while you struggle with you. I do not control your attitude or your mouth The moment I try, I will begin to lose this battle."  ("Loving Our Kids on Purpose", ch 4 - protecting your garden, pg 107)

If I was one to get a tatoo it would be on my forearm "I AM THE CLOUD".

[vivekananda]

No tats please qcr, unless it's a butterfly (metamorphosis  ) and then only where it can't be seen 



It is hard to stay on track. I was thinking today that if we want to change our behaviour, we have to change our thinking... . and it's hard to change a lifetime of habits.

Thinking now of us all, butterflies flying up into the clouds 

nice!

Vivek      

[qcarolr]

Vivek  - thanks for the pix and the love. qcr    

[qcarolr]

Update: compassion is hard for me. esp. for myself. so angry - i have been reminded to breathe. Yes, will be doing this. Dh even asked me what I could find online to calm myself. trouble letting go today with dd27. She went to court today on probation revocation expecting to be in jail. the public defender (pd) lawyer wants to document what she did complete in past 6 months to 'mitigate' the sanctions. So judge gave her another 3 weeks. Will this never reach a conclusion     

lawyer wants to ask for 20 days, daily reporting at county jail then restart probation. I know DD will not be able to do this as I will not be her life coach and driver, nor the money tree. Do i let lawyer know these boundaries?  DD does not share much about anything that is hard for her -- or anything actually. I told them she is no longer living in our home, is couch hopping with friends.

As usual DD vented on me in car leaving court - we were going to get her some more bus passes so she could get to where she needs to go without me. I managed -- barely. Told her she would have to get herself to all her requirements - I was not driving her. She had to ask for indigent program - we are not paying for probation. She dredged up what a terrible parent I am - how I have destroyed her life. And how I will destroy gd7's life as well - she does not trust me. As she stepped out of car at park to meet bfM I said to her "gd lives with us and we are her parents, or someone else would be her parents. she will not be with you."

I agreed to get the verificatons for the lawyer - called 4 places today and asked these be mailed to DD at my home. Then I will drop it all off to lawyer to submit to court.

DD has asked us to buy back her computer - well she was hinting she was going to pawn or sell it by asking if it had trade in value 'for a better one'. DH and I decided to offer to buy it back from her. It was a gift to her 2 years ago. Gd and Dh can really use it. It has lots of parental controls built in for gd. I will offer what the refurbished ones are selling for on ebay.

I am quietly hopeful she will go with bfM to montana for the 2 weeks of the Rainbow Gathering. The Rainbow People are travelers left over from hippie philosophy. The meet for 2 weeks in a national forest to camp, and party and barter each June. It is usually a peace focused gathering. At least when it was in our state a few years ago that is how it worked. They also come through the homeless community in small groups in the summer, so DD and bfM know some of them. BfM has been to their gatherings before. If she chooses, she can be back for her next hearing on July 12. This would be a nice break for everyone.

It was a rough emotional day for me, but I am better tonight. After gd settled at 11pm - she seemed impacted by my high energy level - I had a chance to talk about my day with dh. We also went on  a drive to fish in the mountains - I read a novel. it was nice. gd loved it. no fish today, but they had nice walk up the creek.

Have to focus on taking care of myself. Getting out of my FOG. It keeps creeping over me. Summer is so hard with loss of daily routine in household. Looking forward to gd's camp next week in afternoons and 5 weeks of summer school in mornings week after that. Will get my much valued alone time. That is how I regenerate. I may also be coming here less often, or just mostly rewading post and not responding. Will keep you all posted. Also have to stay out of car with DD, will out of her life in general.

THAnks so much for being here for me. Don't know what I would do without my understanding friends here.

qcr  

[vivekananda]

It has been a hard time for you indeed. Taxing for anyone. I admire your strength, your character and your continued motivation.

You know how to stay focussed: radical acceptance, boundaries, validate when you can, centre yourself, seek the support of those who understand and offer it all to God... . and yes please, breathe 

"Give me the strength to change what I can, the grace to accept what I can't and the wisdom to know the difference between the two."

A one line note every now and then to let us know how you are would be nice   We are here for you,

lots of love to you   

Vivek    

[Verbena]

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

This verse popped into my head as I read your most recent post this morning, and I just wanted to share it with you.  I hope you have a blessed and peaceful weekend!  You are an inspiration to me. 

[griz]

I am constantly amazed at all that you do and  your ability to put things into perspective.  The trip for your daughter and her bf sounds like it would be great and also giving you some time to take care of you.  I am sorry you had such an emotional day.  Those days just zap the life out of all of us, but somehow we all recharge and move forward. 

I hope your weekend brings you some peace and solitude.

Griz

[qcarolr]

Don't see much positive for dd today. I think gd and I are done with DD for a long time. She went across the line today.

She accepted offer of $250 for her computer message on my phone after church today. She asked for visit with gd and doggies too. Gd did not want to go - I wanted to get this done so we can enjoy our other plans for the day. So gd chose the dog that is DD's and we drove to the apartment where DD has been staying. She knew we were coming. She comes out to meet us, without computer. I ask if there is any data I need to backup for her. She says I don't need to mess with that. She might get it back someday. I say no, this is a sale and the computer will be made ready for gd to use. Then she asks for a ride to help out a friend in the apt. get some pot. I say, no, I am not getting involved in your business. We came to visit and buy the computer, nothing else. She starts with the name calling etc., Gd walks away with dog. I walk a different direction toward car. DD actually grabs me in a 'bear hug' bending my head back. Some people from the apt. call her to let me go. gd is at car with dog, I am at car, DD comes and takes dog from gd who begs her mom to give the dog back. Gd begs me to just give her the money. She is feeling sick and crying. DD is behind the car and will not move so I can drive away. She is kicking the back of the car. Her roommates come out and walk her away so we drive home. Gd wants to call the police to get the dog back and get her mom put in jail... .

I cannot believe I walked into this again - filled with loving feelings for DD to be assaulted. And with gd there. Then DD calls just as we get home that the dog is flipping out and I need to come get her. THis is the dog that sleeps with gd every night. So I find one of our safety plan neighbors to stay with gd, get the computer and the dog and listen to DD talking to bf about someone accusing her of stealing money - kicking her out of apt. - someone will 'be in hospital by the end of the night'. Don't know if this is true, don't care.

I am DONE.  Feel no attachment from DD to me, gd or dh -- not that is based in our reality. I will give the papers to lawyer when they come, tell lawyer DD is one her own from here on, and hope she ends up in jail. She is a threat to anyone who crosses her right now. Can't even find sadness. Only disappointment in self that gd was put into this.

Dh is home, GD is watching a movie on her 'new' computer, the dogs are settled. We will be going to spend the evening with family. I will find the strength and will to not talk about DD.

Sometimes compassion hits a brick wall and sprays out shrapnel that cuts. My heart is still pounding.

qcr  

[Reality]

Dear qcaroir,

Of course, your heart is still pounding. 

You continued to operate in good faith, to no avail.

You have your supports in place for you and your gd and your dh. 

Bless you, dear qcaroir.

May peace come to you and bring goodness to your lovely home.

Reality

[swampped]

Dear qcr:       .  Thoughts and prayers are with you.  Please take care of yourself.      SP

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

qcarolr... . I am so sorry this crazy thing has happened to your and your family     It is so sad that you were assaulted, and your GD had to be so traumatized; I can't imagine what I would have done in your situation, but I hope I could've coped and reacted as well as you did   

I hope and pray that this is over quickly for you, and that your family can live in peace from now on   You have done the best that you could, with as much wisdom and compassion anyone could expect from you under these circumstances. You don't deserve this at all  :'(

Godspeed... .

Rapt Reader

[Verbena]

qcr, I am so sorry this happened.  There was no way for you to know what you were walking into with your DD so do not blame yourself.  I hope your gd can put this incident out of her mind quickly.  The safest place for your DD foreveryone concerned probably is jail.  You've done all you can. 

[suchsadness]

I hope and pray that this is over quickly for you, and that your family can live in peace from now on   You have done the best that you could, with as much wisdom and compassion anyone could expect from you under these circumstances. You don't deserve this at all  :'(

qcr, I couldn't have said this any better... .        

I also agree with Verbena that jail is probably the safest place for your dd at this point, as sad as the thought of that is it may be what is best for her as well as for the rest of your loving family.  God bless you for all you have done for your dd, you have tried your best and it may just be time to let go. 

[vivekananda]

dear qcr, I expect you will feel a range of confusing emotions over the next day. Know this though: you acted with integrity, you didn't overreact, you did all that you could. Offer your pain to God and seek consolation in him.

Give your love to those you love and take care of yourself,

be compassionate to yourself and others,

Vivek      

[qcarolr]

Gd endured this episode better than any in the past. DD created much damage in her r/s with DD by taking the dog. It was a ploy to try and control me - to get the ride she wanted. Maybe she has sold the bus passes I bought for her. I think the money is going to buy a playstation for her bf. So sad. I am grateful her roommates were able to step in so we could drive away. My purse w/phone was in trunk of car, otherwise the police would have been called.

I read this today, and it is consoling me.

"It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and bearutful that He has for us."  Colossians 1:11-12 (MSG)

Gd is truly my greatest joy. Dh and I told her of our great love for her and that we are here for her, that we are her parents. She said, you are grandma and grandpa, and today is really grandpa day, not father's day.  We had a very nice evening with dh's brother and all his family (he has 3 kids, and now 5 grandkids with youngest gs being 2 weeks old).

I am focusing on gd - doing my reading on parenting of gd. Praying for DD to find some peace. Will call her lawyer to suggest she is not in a mental state to do alternative sentence outside jail or probation. She is not safe with herself or others right now. And she will surely know I said this, and I need to be vigilent for her vengence.  Or I could contact police and file charges for her assault yesterday.

Or maybe just let it go.

qcr  

[Thursday]

dearest qcarolr, I wrote this and when trying to post I was notified that you had posted again... . posting anyway without reference to your new post because I'm out of time and there is stuff in here I need to say... .

There is so much I want to say to you. So many times I gain insight and grow by reading your posts, by reading what you've read and recommended.  I think your experience with BPD is so different from mine and at the same so much the same. I can see more clearly when I am trying to look through your eyes, better than I sometimes can see my own situation. I guess that is common human nature and maybe a bit comes from your unique way of expressing yourself with such an open heart. I admire that greatly.

I came here today after what happened with BPDSD21 concerning Father's Day yesterday (oh boy, oh boy, oh boy), resolute with firmer boundaries and a new understanding of what it really means to let go of expectations and I was going to sort of run it by people here, see if I am missing anything, see if my thinking is cloudy.

I'm hoping that I can find words to weave together, that will make some sense... . I am as angry and fed up as ever and I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY- it's so stupid to waste my time on those negatives (anger, frustration) when there is a path that leads me away from it... . radical acceptance.

Over and over I've made the basic mistake of believing that my DSD will at some perfect moment come to her senses and begin to "act right". I can certainly afford the space in my heart to reserve hope. What I can't afford is to continue to put myself in the position of being disappointed by her very predictably disappointing behavior.

Something in her is really broken. Really. Broken. Only person who can fix it is her.

My DSD cannot see the hurt she inflicts. She simply doesn't believe it has anything to do with her. There is a certain amount of hyperbole in her AA community that sustains her attitude, (on minimal sleep I'm not remembering the verbiage but it goes along the lines of not letting what other's think get to you) I think this is one of the reasons she finds AA so helpful. What she doesn't see in the teachings of her AA community is the whole of it, the gestalt... . (be the best you that you can be, get right with the people that love you, be of service, work the steps ongoingly) so she works the steps like they are floating clouds to serve as stepping stones to get her where she wants to be... . SOBER but not delving too deep... . step to hard on a cloud and you fall to the ground.

All I have is thankfulness that she wants to be sober, she really wants it but I have no explanations from her as to why. My best guess is that she doesn't want to face herself if she should really screw up in the ways that addicts screw up... . maybe she was afraid she would kill herself with the pills she was addicted to. The main feature of her disclosures to her therapist were that she was seeing clearly that her addiction was an addiction, she was going deeper and deeper, stealing, using more each week, having to come up with more and more money and doing riskier and riskier behaviors in order to buy her supply, in danger of losing her job, and maybe, she thought, her Father's love... . but who knows. She doesn't say.

Oh my goodness, what a terrible scene you've written about. All of your instincts are grounded in an awareness that you must protect (in no particular order)

Grand-daughter

Your husband

Yourself

Your DD from herself

Dogs

Reputation

Remember also, while you cannot influence your daughter's change, you can show her how to treat you. She may not see but you can still show her which I see in the way you got away and then went back without gd. (I think about this a lot, my husband and I talk about this a lot, that if we don't have  a certain amount of contact with her she gets no balance of seeing how we conduct our lives and how her friends and other family conduct theirs.)

I had a silly expectation that SD would want to interact with her Dad on Father's Day, or at least she would call him without being prompted. Silly because I am upset at her for doing exactly what she has shown me she will predictably do. (I have a quote from Maya Angelou on my Frigidaire, "When people show you who they are, believe them" oh yeah Maya Angelou baby)

This has been going on so long. Q, your troubles have been going on so long too... . so exacerbated and layered and profoundly messed up. The tools you have learned have helped you keep your involvement in a proper place where once you were as interwoven as humanly possible.  I've see posts of yours that reflect it. How hard it must be to love her as much as you do. Or maybe the love is the easy part. I certainly have a different investment than you do and I fear treading on what I consider sacred, this relationship with child.

Vivek  is right, you will likely feel conflicting emotions.

Your gd is such a wise little being. And she has wisdom for you! And she wants to protect you. Hug her for all of us here! Well, maybe not that tight... .

Reality mentions operating in good faith... . does removing expectations remove our good faith? UGH.

I think it does remove our good faith to remove expectations, in a way. And it IS crappy as all get out. Knowing that she is broken and that to offer up my good faith as an expectation of certain behaviors is a risk, well that helps too. I simply have chosen to keep hope alive, willing to take the risk of dashed hopes if it means I can stay more essentially me. That is my choice, my faith. The risk is worth it because it is essential to who I am. There is a crazy balance in there somewhere.

I know that if I had not given in to the expectation that SD, who loves her Dad, would surely honor Father's Day, I would not feel the anger or frustration I felt at her not doing so. But I just want to have some hope that by next year, something may have happened that will have changed her. The risk I take is still sucky but less sucky than feeling cynical 24-7.

I've learned this from her Dad, he is soo forgiving.

Sometimes compassion hits a brick wall and sprays out shrapnel that cuts.

I am so sorry you are hurting Q. You do not deserve it. That you are your DD's mother and how broken she is gives the wall the shrapnel. Next time, if you do ever decide to go in again,  go in with a shield, and the shield is made of some tuff to weave together stuff... . good faith, knowledge that you are going in despite what you KNOW is going to happen but doing it anyway and LOVE. Go in keeping an eye on the fallback position. (the family you have created with your DH and GD)

Most of all keep your eye on the prize of a peaceful home. Don't forget you have welcomed DD to be a part of it and maybe just be glad for the times you've already had when she was able to comply with the boundaries. I see your home as a castle with a drawbridge and a moat. Time to draw the bridge back in.

OH,, and do you mind a belated eyeroll    about the Rainbow Gathering? Now that is some hippie business... . and certainly doesn't seem to fit with someone who will bend her Mom's head back.    (I see this irony from my SD a lot)

Thursday

[qcarolr]

Thursday - thank you so much.   

The hardest part is when DD in her scrambled brain believes and says 'you are not my mom. you are have no children or grandchildren. You are an infertile c**t." Geez how I hate that label, said with such derision. That I am the root of all the many losses in her life. How could I adopt a child and then destroy her so badly.

I know I made mistakes. I know I was totally unavailable at times - in my own world of depression/rage/depression. I also understand better how scrambled her brain is from every direction I have read about. There are no compensating skills. The pdoc said this when she was 6, and it was repeated with every neurophych testing over her lifetime. She will have a hard life, I cannot fix it.

So do I love her with all my being? Or do I feel a deep obligation as her mom? She is not blood of my blood. I do have some unresovled issues about her being my "borrowed child" - like she is not where she is supposed to be. There seem to be attachement issues all around with dd, dh and I.  Being with gd in a healthy r/s, I can see the unhealthiness of my r/s with dd.

Do I let the r/s go? How would I do this? How would this impact gd over time?

Do I let the lawyer know my intuition that the offer to do 20 days checkin at jail followed by probation will not work. DD needs life coach friend - this is first time in her life that this has been missing. I am not there for her, bfM is just as messed up as she is. I realize DD gets into her triangle r/s's with two guys -- one is dependable and organized and keeps her on somewhat on track while the other provides fun and excitement. She cannot regualate either of these states internally, so must search for them externally. And she does not trust any professional or other person perceived as authority. She is so so so stuck. If I were in her place, I would be raging and crying and raging too.

Dd did call her dad with a happy father's day wish. IN morning message on my phone. Later, in her tearful call about how crazy I was and i left her with the DOG - how could I leave the dog. [ How could she forget she forcefully took dog from gd's hand? ] He was at work, so called me for the other side of the story before he reacted to her.

DD has always begged to be in the family -- that she cannot live without family. She beseeched me as I left to not abandon her, even as she really wanted to beat me up because I was walking away to protect myself and gd.  My guilt dissolves as I realize how messed up she is - scrambled brain. She needs a break -- jail, though hard for her in other ways, may be a respite for her.

Think I will call the lawyer, without too many details, and suggested that jail is the best option for everyones safety. A year is too long if the parts done can mediate this saction {in judge-speak}.

What do you all think about my calling lawyer? what should I say or not say? I have time to ponder this since court is on July 12.

qcr  

[Rapt Reader]

What do you all think about my calling lawyer? what should I say or not say? I have time to ponder this since court is on July 12.

I think that is a very good idea; if the court system doesn't really have a good idea of what exactly is going on with your D, or what is best for her, then you need to let them know. If not you, then who will do it? Sure, if she finds out then she'll rage on you... . So what else is new?   

If you have a good relationship with the L then I think it could help a lot... . I have a question for you: Has your D ever been in a Dual Diagnosis program? It was the Dual Diagnosis program that my son attended from 3/14/13 to 4/4/13 that changed his attitude around, enabling all the subsequent recovery since then to take place. Since your D has a Dx and also substance abuse issues, maybe they would take her after her stint in jail? Maybe jail could be used as leverage to get her to go to that type of program? I know where my son went they only took him in because he'd been clean and sober for a few weeks (they don't do detox there), and because he'd been suicidal and had all his Dxs.

Of course, I don't know where you are located, or if she meets all the criteria, but I can tell you that the 2 other (conventional) rehabs he'd been in prior to this one didn't address his mental health issues, and the recovery in each of them didn't "stick." Once the mental health issues were addressed, and he finally received the BPD diagnosis and treatment, something finally "clicked" with him and he seems to be on his way to a possible true recovery. He's still working on it, but it really is different this time; he gets it that these are his problems and this is what he needs to do, and he's doing it. Just a thought   

[qcarolr]

Yes, I will talk with the lawyer. DD has gone over the edge today, and thankfully I am OK. Long night - she called at 1am wanting a ride - kicked out of apartment - sitting on front step with 3 blankets filled with her stuff. At first I said OK, but dh would not let me go. i let him hold the car keys. text to DD that dh would not let me come. We did not answer our phones - she stopped calling at 2:30am.

Text this am that could get her stuff on my way to work. So stopped - she had been whacking on her left wrist with razor blade. Seemed for my benefit. She threatened to kill us all if I made a report and 'ruined my life anymore'. Maybe I am an idiot - or a loving mom - but offered her a ride somewhere. Bought her a coffee. Then she got razor blade out threatening to cut other wrist. She would not get out of my car - I was immobilized with her there. Just as likely she would cut me. So I got out of car - said I was going on a walk and she needed to be out of car when I got back or I would call someone to get her out of car. I have done this before. She was on the hunt for her bf - she was out when I got back.

I called my T. She helped me to consider my options. Then got automated msg from Verizon that a phone on our account had called 911 so locks were cancelled on that line. So I called 911 then, told them all that had been going on today and past week and well - her entire life. They said yes she had called 911 about her bf, so perhaps the officer was already on site. They would let them know about the suicide gestures. And since DD had called them, they would not need to say that I had called.

Will know later today what the result of all this is. Told the dispatcher DD needs to be in jail or somewhere to be safe and keep others safe. What a mess.    

Gotta get my work done - the auto repair shop today with deadlines for payroll and for sales taxes. Gd is with sitter this morning and in day camp this afternoon til 4pm. She is unaware of the drama last night - had both dogs in her room with her pet cricket chirping away so did not hear phone ring before we silenced them.

Will be back tonight to update. Prayers for my daughter. She is in such pain and distress.

qcr    :'(

[Verbena]

I have been painting all morning  to help keep my mind off my DD whose 28th birthday is today.  I decided to take a break and check my messages here only to see this recent post from you, qcr.  It brought tears to me eyes for you and your daughter.  I'm praying for you both.  Me not seeing my daughter on her birthday for the first time in her life is nothing compared to what you are going through. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

qcarolr   I am so sorry this is happening to your D and to you and your family  :'(

I'll keep you all in my prayers... .    

  Rapt Reader

[peaceplease]

qcr,

She has truly crossed the line, and you need to protect yourself.  Let your h go the next time,  if he is willing.

Yes, definitely tell the lawyer what you have posted.   I know that it is hard to imagine your dd being in jail for a yr. or so.  However, she needs to be there for at least a few months.   I believe that she needs institutionalized somewhere.  Perhaps, she may get her mental health treatment there.  She is a danger to herself and others at this point.

My heart is breaking about the dog and your gd.   I thought that was enough of a kicker, but then there was more. :'(  I am so sorry for all of your pain.  I know that it is soo hard.

Please take care of yourself.  Many hugs to you.     And, my prayers too.


 

peaceplease

[qcarolr]

DD called early afternoon wanting to talk. I did not really have time at work, tried to put her off until tomorrow. She kept calling back, then texting. She always wants to see gd and the dogs. She said she is willing to do anything to be able to be back in our family. She will not say anything if we let her get a nights sleep. Her last text at 2:30 was "my phone is dying, so I am taking the bus to the house to visit".  Then dh did not answer his phone all day (still on vibrate from last night - finally called his boss 15 minutes before he left work to be prepared if DD was at house). I picked gd up at day camp - she saw dd through front window and went next door to play. So far things are OK -- DD is mostly sleeping on sofa.

It is crazy crazy crazy - but I love to see her sleeping on my sofa    looking normal   

I called back the police and talked to the officer that had contact with dd and her bf this morning. dd was complaining about him not giving her back her stuff. He knew of razor, cutting, etc. and asked her the self and other harm questions. She denied any problems and at that time was not showing any 'imminent danger', so he let her go. BF did tell him about some of her problems lately with anger, etc. This officer said he knows both dd and bf 'well' from the years he has had contact with them as part of the homeless community. He was actually glad not to see her much the past 6 months - told him she was in friends apts. not on the street when not at our house.  He was going to check back in with each of them later in the day. I do not know if this impacted DD's desire to make amends with us. I am not going to risk asking her.

Also called the crisis line at mental health center. Never knew they have walk-in program there every day. This is so much less threatening than going to an ER.  So DD has agreed to go with me to see the intake for assessment in the morning. Dh has the next two days off, so can be home with gd and take her to her camp. Just a blessing that his boss needed to swap days off this week. He is usually off fri-sat.

I feel like I was kind of hysterical today -- with good reason. But it makes me the crazy sounding one when DD comes across as all together. At least bf told police officer I was not crazy, and that they had indeed gotten kicked out of the apt. yesterday.

What a roller coaster. I asked the crisis counselor about residential care for DD. They will assess tomorrow and discuss options with DD. She has to do whatever is done volunteerily, unless court ordered. Maybe the court will order it later.

It never ends, does it. Our roller coaster ride through the house of mirrors. So thankful for all the validation I got today from my T. So nice to have someone willing to take my calls.

Prayin for a quiet night. Live in the moment as the future is not in my hands.

qcr  

[Ignacio1939]

I will keep you in my prayers.