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Author Topic: This seems fitting  (Read 406 times)
Octoberfest
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« on: June 02, 2013, 09:22:37 PM »

First of all, Mods, I apologize if this sort of thing is not allowed.  Feel free to removed if it violates any rules

I was recommended this song about 5 months ago when I was first dealing with cheating issues with my dBPDex.  I listened to it on repeat for quite awhile, simply trying to focus on the "getting over a relationship" part of it.  Now, 5 months later and having learned much more about BPD, I am shocked at how well I think this song speaks to that very issue.  It may not be some of your chosen musical style, but the lyrics are easy to understand and I think they may speak to you.  Thought I would leave it here. 

It is aptly titled: "Remember to Forget"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hiHi4mLbQU


I do find myself "forgetting to remember to forget".  I think one of my biggest hang ups is that, along with how BPD relationships tend to get very involved very quickly and are otherwise very kinetic, I never pictured life without my ex again.  Our role in eachothers lives varied quite a bit with all the breaking up and reconciling we did, but we were always present. She told me numerous times that me not being in her life at all, as far as she was concerned, was not an option.  So this whole NC thing is really really foreign and really really strange.
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“You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.” - Winston Churchill
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leftbehind
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« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2013, 10:06:18 PM »

my ex told me he couldn't see his life without me in it.  then all of a sudden I wasn't a part of his life anymore.
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Octoberfest
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« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2013, 10:32:06 PM »

my ex told me he couldn't see his life without me in it.  then all of a sudden I wasn't a part of his life anymore.

My experience differs;  I think my dBPDex took for granted that I would always be there.  No matter what her transgression, I always took her back.  We always got back together... .   At the end, in the past month, we had a conversation about how things were going moving forward.  She was dating the guy she had been seeing at the same time as me (for this reason, I will address him as the "new guy" because I had been with her for 9 months, him a week or so when I found out).  I told her that I hoped she was happy and I wished her luck going forward.  She came back saying she was anything but happy, that I was who she wanted to be with, but since she couldnt have me she was settling for the new guy.  I reminded her that she made the choice to put herself there. 

I wasn't ready to give up on it, and I kept asking her "if being with him doesn't make you happy then why are you doing it?" and she replied, "Octoberfest, I'm not healthy.  You parents worry about you, I am sure.  They don't want you dating an unhealthy girl who has hurt you like I have."

It is that sort of statement that confuses me and makes it all that much harder to let go.  It seems to me that awareness like that isn't all that prevalent among BPD's... .
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“You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.” - Winston Churchill
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LetItBe
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« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2013, 10:43:38 PM »

my ex told me he couldn't see his life without me in it.  then all of a sudden I wasn't a part of his life anymore.

My experience differs;  I think my dBPDex took for granted that I would always be there.  No matter what her transgression, I always took her back.  We always got back together... .  At the end, in the past month, we had a conversation about how things were going moving forward.  She was dating the guy she had been seeing at the same time as me (for this reason, I will address him as the "new guy" because I had been with her for 9 months, him a week or so when I found out).  I told her that I hoped she was happy and I wished her luck going forward.  She came back saying she was anything but happy, that I was who she wanted to be with, but since she couldnt have me she was settling for the new guy.  I reminded her that she made the choice to put herself there.  

I wasn't ready to give up on it, and I kept asking her "if being with him doesn't make you happy then why are you doing it?" and she replied, "Octoberfest, I'm not healthy.  You parents worry about you, I am sure.  They don't want you dating an unhealthy girl who has hurt you like I have."

It is that sort of statement that confuses me and makes it all that much harder to let go.  It seems to me that awareness like that isn't all that prevalent among BPD's... .

My uBPDxbf seemed thrilled when we reunited.  He said his life wasn't going well without me in it.  He started talking glowingly once again about our future, etc.  Then, just as quickly, he sabotaged all of it.

When our r/s "ended" the first time, he broke up with me, saying with lucidity, "It's the most loving thing I can do."  He was right, as painful as it was to hear he no longer wanted to be in a r/s with me.  My ex had a lot of self--awareness about his twisted thinking, his paranoia, his other issues, etc.  It does make it hard to let go.
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Juliecelle

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« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2013, 11:47:22 PM »

My husband a lot of self-awareness of the hurt and pain he has caused me over the years. He'll verbalize to me how sorry he is, how I should have married x,y, or z, and how great of a life I could have had without him (no kidding)!

I used to be so reassuring when he would open up in this way. Not anymore. It doesn't mean anything substantial. It's a fleeting thought for him and no change comes from it. I've heard it so many times before. Reflection and apologies mean nothing coming from him! I have zero trust in anything he says. He may feel those things but does nothing to improve! He's been diagnosed for 4 Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post)$/%# years already!

Boundaries are set... . it won't be long now!
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