looking for a little feedback

[dickL]

uBPDw/n 35yrs has been gone 2mos. nc , a thousand miles away. i am in our home with 25s , mentally handicapped . the responsiblitiy for him is big . he's difficult to live with and doesn't help with the home . went for our final dissolution hearing past february and she didn't show . legal advice has been to stand pat , got a nice home and no asset division. my problem compounds due to my health . i'm 63yrs old have hvc and stage 4 cirrhosis , only hope is for liver transplant . i'm not at death's door but i'm not going to get better. i've tried to end my attempts at contact concerning financial issues facing us , useless . i am down today and want to try to communicate and ask for some form of closure . i can't live in limbo waiting for the other shoe to drop. her compulsions( finding a soulmate and inner peace) have always outweighed motherly instincts which eats her with guilt . even divorced she would be of no realistic help for her son so far away.she told a friend she'd return when i'm dead or in nursing home to look after our son. input wanted

[SadWifeofBPD]

Well, I wouldn't count on her to take care of your son if you were to die. 

Are you saying that you have the opportunity to have all assets put in your name because she didn't show up?    If so, I'd go with that so your son can inherit everything.  I'd also put in some protections so she couldn't talk him into signing things over to her or to sell the house and she gets the money. 

[waverider]

Is this typical of her long term approach towards you and your son?

Has she ever been able to show a reasonable level of support for your son?

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

Can you manage ok as you are and are mainly concerned for your son once you have gone?

Does your wife pose any threat to the financial future security of your son?

What kinds of outside care networks do you have, or is it all on your head?

I work out for yourself what are the emotional and insecurity issues, and what are the just pure physical obstacles. That way you may be able to tackle things in a practical way one at a time.

[dickL]

she has had life long patterns of poor self esteem , needing attantion , lies ,blame, infidelity always ending badly for her. childhood sexual abuse was the origin . my son had leukemia 15yrs ago with a bone marrow transplant from his mom . for 4yrs she was super mom in his care while i returned to work. unfortunately she feels her fulfillment doesn't any longer take a back seat to her son's needs . before his illness she would bring men into our home( i was at work ) , neighbors , and encouraged our to son to pal around with her lover. after he recovered she felt she could no longer give primary care . then again brought her new friend into our home and told S he's a veteran with issues and deserves friendship. repeated history of putting her compulsions ahead of both her sons and grandchildren stands in stark contrast to her claim of being a good parent. her current soulmate is their third try in 40yrs. i don't trust her judgement involving what's best for S. i have been in T for over the past year and still struggle with my own health physically and mentally. i don't give up easily and never been suicidal . plan on living. my hep c makes me moderately ill for days on end so care for my S and home becomes daunting . i like staying busy to keep my head in a better place and this is hard on days i'm down . i'm going to try to not make contact , senseless. needed to vent . input is appreciated and helpful , thanks