Reality Came Along And Slapped Up Beside My Head...

[FineTime]

I found out about BPD just as my husband had decided he'd  had enough of me.  That was a month ago. We dated for two years and were married for over 5 years. I had previously been married for 25 years to a man that I found out in the 25th year had been cheating on me for almost my entire marriage.

So, I went to therapy after my first marriage ended.  I thought I had done all the work needed and was finally ready to start dating after 4 years of being single.  I found my second husband on the dating site eHarmony.  He seemed to be everything  I was looking for in a partner and more. We married in 2007 and I moved away to a beautiful and very remote part of the north coast of California.  I as isolaated, five hours away from family and friends to start this new adventurous life. That adventure turned into a nightmare.  :)uring that time I contracted lymes disease from my husband.  Lyme can give you the crazies, I know I experienced it myself.  So, I blamed a lot of my husbands behavior on the lyme.

When we met he was estranged from his, so he said "wicked family." I finally met them after we married and realized how wonderful they were.  He also had no friends, but he had some really great explanations for all this.

What I realize now is that the recurring theme in all those explanations (LIES) was him always being "the victim".  I have always been a big believer in people taking personal responsibility for where they are in life.    Here I was married to  "a victim" and couldn't even recognize it.  

I'm doing my best to not beat myself up right now taking on the full responsibility of it all.   I'm also doing damage control.   I'm finding out about his vilification campaign. We moved back to my home place 6 months ago. The shame of it all... .

[heartandwhole]

Hi FineTime,

You have been through a lot, and I'm sorry about the breakup of your marriage.  That is really difficult.    

How are things proceeding with the divorce?  How are you doing?

Understanding what we have been through - our true reality - is very hard. So much is not as it seems. This is because our understanding of what has happened is based on our view of the relationship. Our partner's view was very different. Our senior members on [L3] Leaving: Disengaging from a Partner with Borderline Personality can help you understand the 10 common misconceptions that most of us struggle with as we disengage and look at ways to deal with them.

Join us on the Leaving board and share your story.  You will find lots of members who can relate.  We're glad you're here.

heartandwhole

[MammaMia]

Welcome FineTime

Sorry to hear of you troubles.  Divorce is hard but a lifetime with a BPD spouse is much, much harder.  You, like so many, were sucked into his idealization, charisma, and manipulation.  It is not your fault.

They hurt and run.  We live and learn.  Move forward with your life.  There is kindness out there in the form of family and friends... . and, of course, you always have us here at BPDF.  We understand and can help you find peace.  BPD is a cruel disorder and it does help to share anger and frustration with those who have been through the same experiences.  We truly are family.

There is so much information on this website about BPD, but most of all, our true life experiences with a BPD loved one are so valuable when you feel all alone.  We get exactly what you are going through.

We are all glad you are here.  Take care and be well.