Do BPD tend toward Bisexuality?

[leftbehind]

Recently some info has come to my attention through many different sources that points to my uBPDexbf being bisexual.  I'm just wondering if this is a tendency that BPD people have?  Like when they fixate on the new person, are they willing to change their sexuality for someone who is giving them attention, stroking their ego, etc?  The guy my ex is fixated on at the moment is straight to my knowledge.  However, I recently came across a couple of photos that convinced me that my ex may have had a boyfriend when he was around 19 (maybe experimenting?).

Anyway, just wondered if anyone had any info/personal experience with this.  Thanks.

[Gimme Peace]

I am wondering this too. I've had suspicions, but he is very good at covering his tracks. Subtle signs and a gut instinct is all I have to go on, but this realization that he may be bisexual is making itself known as I think about the signs.

[marbleloser]

In my case,yes.It was a perk!  

I'm not sure if it's exclusive to pwBPD though.Just that maybe BPD can encompass all spectrums of people and lifestyles,cultures and continents.

[snappafcw]

My ex said she used to kiss/hookup with other girls when she was younger but just claimed it was a phase with growing up.

[leftbehind]

I guess I feel that bisexuality is more common for women, less so for men.  Although maybe that's just an assumption that I hold.  But what I'm noticing is that my ex is idealizing this younger man, and mirroring him.  Also people are telling me he's making sexual comments toward this guy that crosses the boundaries.  I've had a couple of people tell me this, also that my ex "flirts with everyone, even the men."

My ex started talking about Jesus because this guy is very into Christ Consciousness, and now I'm hearing that my ex is telling people that he can channel Jesus.  Oh boy.  I'm thinking there might be some Dissociative Identity Disorder there, or Schizophrenia.  I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure my ex isn't channeling Christ.

Or maybe this is a borderline attempt to rope the new guy in on my ex's part?  Believe it or not he's surrounded by people who treat him like he's a spiritual guru... . heaven help me!

[jdcthunder14]

I think this topic is a bit of a generalization... . but if they have needs to be with someone, anyone, changing who they are sexually isn't that big of a stretch.

Before I got involved with mine, she had a "friendship" with a lesbian who was very attracted to her. They would fool around a bit with the friend doing most of the "work." The pwBPD kept on stringing her along to keep her around then dumped her once I came around. So in her case she changed who she was for this relationship.

[mcc503764]

interesting... .

I really wouldnt put anything past mine at this point.  Nothing surprises me anymore with her!  I think that it is likely, because they have no identity of their own, so it wouldnt surprise me if she were to mirror someone else.  For the moment of course, because pretty soon the next drama in her life of chaos will appear and she will mirror that person... .

Just my thoughts

MCC

[awomanlearning]

yes in my experience they are my husband consider leaving me a man but decieded not to had a fling with him kissing personal touching ect but no real physical contact although he just left me for a another woman 4 weeks ago but want to remain friends! give up!

[j4c]

 i agree with MCC. If you have no sense of identity, then how are you supposed to know who you're attracted to? My ex baffles every1 around her as she is gorgeous yet she'll just go with the first person she meets when her desperation kicks in. Very sad but i dont see her ever changing.

[Octoberfest]

Mine did. She had a girlfriend for a year or so in high school... . She said it was just a phase. But then, much like a poster above said,  there was an instance that happened while we were together. There was a lesbians who she became good friends with and continually led on and Iam fairly sure she ccheated on me with. Making all sorts of promises and stuff. It was literally no different than the times she cheated on me with guys. So yeah, I would say yes,  they do. They need attention so hiting badly that they will lead on whoever to get it. I also agree with another person, my ex was a good looking girl and looking at some of her exes it is obvious that she wasn't picky in who she dated. Its whoever is around at the time.

[causticdork]

Mine was.  And, tellingly enough, I asked her when we first got together what her "type" was and she told me she didn't know because other people always asked her out and she'd never done the asking.  I told her that that didn't matter, she still had to be attracted to someone to say yes, right?  And she looked at me sort of blankly, like that hadn't occurred to her before.  And now she's constantly telling me she loves me and would do anything for a second chance, but she's also seeing some guy now, and when I mention that she's dating someone she says she didn't mean for it to happen, that he just asked her out.  It's a weird mindset... .

[mcc503764]

You know, here's the thing... . do they just "play dumb" when it comes to certain things, or are they really "confused?"

My rational /  common sense side tells me that someone cant possibly be this clueless when it comes to basic things, but is she really this lost?

[Willingtolearn]

I have wondered about this myself.  My exBPDgf use to go to the gym with my sister. They would work out together for 2 or 3 hours about 3 times per week  On one occasion my sister went to the gym alone and one of the instructors asked her where her "partner" was ( as in workout partner)  When my sister told my exBPDgf what the instructor had said my ex said to my sister "They must think we are gay"

My sister thought it was a very odd thing to say. After reading the comments on here it does make me wonder.

[leftbehind]

One of the things that made me question this about my ex is that he was the sweetest, most non-judgmental guy ever - except when it came to gay men.  He would make comments that were insulting, and it always made my radar go off, because it wasn't in character for him. 

Now some info has come to me that has me convinced that he was with a man in his past.  He knows this is something that he could be honest with me about, so why lie?  From the recent comments I'm hearing from others, it seems this may not be an isolated phase for him.  I think his ability to switch attachments also crosses gender. 

If he had told me outright, I still would have accepted him as long as he could be faithful to me.  But it makes so much sense now why he would run hot and cold sexually.  Toward the end he stopped initiating, although we'd still have great sex when I initiated it.  I think he may have been switching attraction/attachment to this young man he's friends with.

The more I uncover, the less I'm blaming myself for the breakup, so ultimately all this info is helping me heal.  I'm grateful for that.

[leftbehind]

on second thought, he probably thought I would have rejected him if he told me, especially if he felt ashamed of it.

it's so sad, because I would have done anything to make it work with him.

[cal644]

I've wondered this too.  Since my stbex and I split I have heard that she has been seen with this lesbian looking woman about 5 different times.  She has told me in the past she hates all men. When she was texting someone at a softball game - all weekend long - I said is that "john" who caused our marriage to break becuase of an EA - she said I can guarentee you I'm not texting any guys - plus she went on one true date with him and she said she had to cut out people who she used to care about (I think she meant him).  Plus she was always attracted more to woman and found very few guys attractive.  So now I'm scratching my head - in 19 years of marriage she has never considered being a lesbian - but now?  Plus I know her councilor also hates all men and left her husband for another woman - could she be mirroring her councilor?

[Gimme Peace]

I don't think my NPD/BPD/co-dependent H would ever admit to being bi or gay, he's too concerned about people thinking he's "perfect". I would never expect an admission from him. Almost all of my friends and family think he's gay, without knowing much about him.

[LosingIt2]

Cal- just because your wife's counselor met a woman doesn't mean she hates men. Flawed logic right there. Maybe your wife told you that to justify her own decisions, it's called triangulation (read definition). Your wife is allowing you to place blame on the counselor rather than her. Also, that would be highly unprofessional for a therapist to force her personal views on to a patient. Your ex will say whatever she wants to justify her beliefs/feelings.

[numbr3]

After our divorce I found out a lot-his relationships with men that he hid and made me think they were women he was seeing . Very odd statements of gay guys always coming on to him. The way he dressed-I would call it "gay provocative". I think he had a 3some relationship right out of high school.  An affair with an older women and then moved in with her and her husband.  It was an issue in our marriage during sex.  He would just stop and shut down  and he said it screwed him up sexually.  He would never give details but I feel he was confused and also embarrassed about it. 

I think I got my validation last year when a detective called to ask if I thought he was interested in young boys. Asked if he had molested my kids and if I thought he was gay. His statement of " What does your gut tell you? " floored me.  I did feel validated with my suspicions.  I just was in denial all those years.

I think with BPD a lot of them have suffered sexual abuse and the shame and guilt fuel their addictions and unhealthy behavior.

[mcc503764]

Cal- just because your wife's counselor met a woman doesn't mean she hates men. Flawed logic right there. Maybe your wife told you that to justify her own decisions, it's called triangulation (read definition). Your wife is allowing you to place blame on the counselor rather than her. Also, that would be highly unprofessional for a therapist to force her personal views on to a patient. Your ex will say whatever she wants to justify her beliefs/feelings.

My x is a BPD THERAPIST, so I wouldn't put anything past them!  They are NOT Gods!

[LosingIt2]

Yeah... . my ex's mother also has BPD. She is also a very good therapist. Not sure what your point is.

[cal644]

I will say - one of our good friends who went through a divorce and her husband also had the same theropist - it ended up he decided he decided maybe he was gay also after a couple of months of visits with this same theropist. So it does make me wonder

[Clearmind]

Identity disturbance is common.

To see the facts: Diagnosis: What are the new DSM-5.0 criteria for BPD?

[rollercoaster24]

Hmmm hi all!

I have to wonder about my uBP ex, he was always particularly derogatory about 'homosexuals', and much of his daily conversations centred around them when in another 'episode', (every three days or so and usually when he ran out of unemployment money).

He often would denigrate his Father to me, in much the same way, his favourite term being that his Father is a 'raving homosexual', and other nasty words meaning the same thing.

Recently I started becoming concerned about this, and wondering if perhaps some sexual abuse happened there, from Father to son. Both are in fact as disordered as each other, from what the Mother often used to tell me, but nowadays the Father is old, so he probably cannot seem as threatening as a younger abusive type male.

BP had very strong views about how males and females should act, and thinks his ways superior to anyone else's ideas on how things should be in relationships.

I did notice he was extremely jealous of other men I knew, and constantly raves on about how attractive they are etc.

Who really knows, if that is just plain insecurity, or something deeper at work.

If the other issues were not presenting, I would not be so uncertain and realise he may just have felt insecure, which we all do from time to time.