Weird things my ex would say

[MammaMia]

Ahhhh

Welcome to BPDF.  We are glad you are here.

"You love me too much, it will never work".  Well, that is not as strange as it sounds.  PwBPD have no core values and fear being abandoned above all else.  They do not feel worthy of "real love" and they often sabatage relationships on purpose.  With them it is "leave or be left".  Since they see themselves as  unlovable, relationships usually do not last past the idealization phase. 

BPD is a brain disorder where thought processes are not logical.  The wiring within the brain has gone wrong.  I do not know if you have had a chance to look over any of the information on this website.  There are many valuable tools to help you understand the complexity of BPD.   The need for boundaries, rules for communication, dealing with distorted perceptions, emotional dysregulation, etc.  BPD affects everyone around the person suffering from it. 

Please take the time to review this information if you are still in this relationship.

The members of BPDF are here for you... . to help in any way we can.  There are thousands of us with loved ones suffering from BPD, so please do not feel alone ... . because you are not.

Again, thank you for finding us.

[SockMonkey]

I don't know when he actually started freaking out about distance (we were LDR), but we would spend time together, be lovey dovey, sometimes argue (and resolve), and then I would leave.  Right before I would leave, I would get hit with a "sandbag" statement like:  "my feelings have changed for you", "I'm going to sleep with someone else and not feel guilty about it", and so on.  As soon as he would he drop me off at the airport the I miss you texts, come back texts would start.  These texts (and phone calls) lasted about two weeks, then it was pull away, then we would get together and the cycle started all over again.

I spent the past summer in a city closer to him (as we agreed). He said he would spend any time there when not working.  When I first got there, he came for two weeks, was sweet after he left for about one, and then started disengaging. I hardly saw him. The best was when he said--"what is the likelihood that you will move near me (or vice-versa).  Well, gee, I closed a 3k mile gap and had planned to move into his city if it all worked out.   

I had no idea at the time about BPD.  And, I thought I was going crazy in the push-pull! 

[nolisan]

My ex was really intellectual (overly intellectual - she could make anything very complicated). And she was contrarian and always had to take a weird stance.

She bragged about having extremely high ethics (Kantian) and would go on forever on how hers were superior to my mere Utilitarian ethics. Then she would do something completely unethical and totally self centered. A three year old would know it was wrong for gods sake.

And then she would say she didn'y believe in forgiveness and had some obscure theory about that ... .

It made my head hurt ... .

[nolisan]

One more thing.

My ex would occasionally say how she prayed at night that she wouldn't wake up in the morning. That was more than a little creepy.

Surprisingly she did not talk about suicide. Said she tried once on her teens.

Then she would talk about how her kin all lived very long lives and how long she had to suffer.

All very up-lifting ... .

[nolisan]

Just one more thing (I feel like Columbo)

This is a doozy. Just when we started dating she said in an email "her previous partners had a very hard time letting her go". At the time I thought it was kind of an egotistical thing to say.

Now I get it! They, like me, were trapped in an abusive "betrayal bond" that happens with r/s with people with PD's.

[Ahhhh431]

I would get a text that said

"Hey baby?" I would reply back Hey what's up?

Then she would say

"I don't think we should be together"

I did not respond to this as the day before she was talking about marriage and now is saying we shouldn't be together -- this was not the first time and I was too exhausted to respond

She followed that by saying

"Thanks for trying though"

... . really?

[MammaMia]

What I HATE most is their inability to make a decision.  Drives me nuts!

[Ahhhh431]

What I HATE most is their inability to make a decision.  Drives me nuts!

Do you think this has to do with their commitment issues

[MammaMia]

Ahhhhh

It may have to do with commitment but I think, personally, it is more of a control issue.  At least in the case of my son it is.  Our issue at the moment is whether or not to put up a privacy fence, because he thinks the neighbors are watching him.  A fence is the perfect solution... . yet he cannot decide if it is the right thing to do.  What will the neighbors think?  Will they be mad at him?

Who gives a rat's ass?  It would solve the problem once and for all.   But he would rather complain day after day.   It is absurd.

[Ahhhh431]

Ahhhhh

It may have to do with commitment but I think, personally, it is more of a control issue.  At least in the case of my son it is.  Our issue at the moment is whether or not to put up a privacy fence, because he thinks the neighbors are watching him.  A fence is the perfect solution... . yet he cannot decide if it is the right thing to do.  What will the neighbors think?  Will they be mad at him?

Who gives a rat's ass?  It would solve the problem once and for all.   But he would rather complain day after day.   It is absurd.

Maybe solving the problem would mean there wouldn't be one anymore and he likes being able to have some type of drama and conflict going on... . making a decision would cause there to not be a conflict... . just like people don't leave relationships until there is another one lined up -- maybe he will not maybe a decision until a new conflict is lined up... . this is completely a hypothesis and has no basis but it some how seems like it could make sense

[MammaMia]

Ahhhhh

You nailed it.  It gets done when HE says it gets done.  And in the meantime, he complains constantly that I am "doing nothing" about his problem but refuses to let me install the fence.  This would be the third  privacy fence we have put up on the property because he believes he is being watched.

I am so tired of it.