Suicide threats.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey all. Help me, please!

I'm pulling away from the insanity, but my dBPD gf is threatening me with suicide if I don't comply her insane demands. She has threatened me many many times it in the past, but afterward she would tell me she didn't mean it. And I've called the police on her several times before

Should I call 911, or is she trying to manipulate me?

[cska]

Hey all. Help me, please!

I'm pulling away from the insanity, but my dBPD gf is threatening me with suicide if I don't comply her insane demands. She has threatened me many many times it in the past, but afterward she would tell me she didn't mean it. And I've called the police on her several times before

Should I call 911, or is she trying to manipulate me?

[marbleloser]

To be on the safe side,call 911.If she is manipulating,this should help put an end to it or at least slow it down a bit.

Did she mention suicide via text or email,or was it verbally?

[cska]

It was by text. I avoid seeing her in person because she becomes physical and starts to grab me. I don't even want to call bc then she'll cry, and when I hear her cry I break down myself.

[marbleloser]

Keep the text. Don't delete it. You may get a visit from your local PD or sheriffs office.Show it to them.

I'd go ahead and ask that they come to your home anyway,so you can show them the text.

She may have to spend the night hospitalized.You're doing the right thing.

[LetItBe]

I agree with what other posters have already said -- call 911.  I have a friend whose uBPDxgf told him she was considering suicide a couple of weeks ago.  The next week (last week), she attempted suicide and was found unconscious but alive.  She's now in the hospital, hopefully recovering.  He has deep regrets about not "doing more" when she originally told him.

[Murbay]

Hi cska, I am really sorry you are going through this right now. It's not right, it's not fair and you don't deserve it 

The kindest thing you can do right now is what everybody else has already stated and call 911. If it's an attempt to manipulate you the police will sort it out but if it's a genuine plea then at least she might get the treatment she needs.

For your own sanity, just remember this is not your fault nor do you need the responsibility projected on to you. Calling 911 is showing compassion for another person but also stand firm by your boundaries and don't allow it to be an attempt to engage either. The best thing you can do right now is what you have been doing and look after yourself, take care of you and allow the authorities to help with your ex.

Again, I'm really sorry this is happening to you and remember, we are here to support you through it 

[mango_flower]

Agree with the others - get the agencies involved.

Or do you know any of her friends who you can call?

I know it's tempting to go and rescue her, out of fear that you will have to live with the guilt if she goes through with it, but if you did this, you'd not be helping her in the long run.

I know how anxious you must feel right now, and my heart goes out to you x

[cska]

Thanks for the advice and support. I called it in, she's safe! Poor girl, I feel so sad for her.

Even though I know I did the right thing, I feel guilty for not rushing to her aid myself. I know nothing good would ever come of it, even when I try to comfort her, she gets really triggered and suicidal. Last night she tried to burn her hand with a lighter to get back at me for not meeting her demands (it was all for show, but still).

Poor poor girl  :'(

[cska]

Ugh, the guilt is eating me alive... .

[Suzn]

cska I'm sorry you had to go through this today. It's just the worst, I understand, I've been there too. I'm glad to hear she is safe right now. Have you had a chance to read through the workshop on this topic?

It's here and I would suggest reading the entire thread: TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

Attempting to burn yourself is pretty extreme as are suicide attempts. You sound as though you are still in contact, does she have family members or other means of support to help her?

This is not your fault. I know this is hard. 

[cska]

Suzn, thanks for the kind words, I'll read through the workshop right now.

She lives with her family, but they are not very supportive. They will be very harsh on her because I called the police. They don't fully understand what she is going through.

That's part of the reason why I feel guilty; she will have harsh times at home because I called the police. That's why i was so hesitant about calling the police. But I didn't have a choice, I don't want her to die... .

I don't know if she really wanted to commit suicide, but she said she was about to do it, I couldn't take that risk.

[Suzn]

She lives with her family, but they are not very supportive. They will be very harsh on her because I called the police.

Let's not assume this ok? Even if this has happened in the past, you never know who that police officer was who responded and what he or she said to this family to explain the situation. This is not a joking matter. This is not a healthy position for you to be in all alone, to be on alert and scared all the time. Educating yourself on what you can do in the future is always a good plan. Having a phone number for a local suicide number that you can give her so she can talk to someone in person is always something you can offer.

You did the right thing cska, especially since she told you she was about to do it.