Reflections on Wife's passing and my BPD/NPD experience

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Good Morning all... . a very sad and one of the most insidious effects of being in a relationship with any of these cluster B disorders is the non BPD/NPD is left with a feeling that there is no love... . there is no hope... . and relationships are not ever worth pursing again!  It seems to be a resounding theme in posts... . especially in the early stages of grief/anger and utter confusion.

I ran across this Steve Jobs quote and commentary by a hospice nurse.  As many of you know by my posts I know a little about this... . so here it is... . the message is in the comments made by those who were dying.  One door closes... . another opens... . don't just walk through the door and survive... . continue to LIVE/LAUGH and most importantly LOVE... . it is a GIFT!

“Remembering you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

― Steve Jobs

A Note from Cynthia... .

True confession: As a young person, I was totally freaked out by anything related to death or dying. It just wasn't something that was discussed in my family.

It wasn t until I was older that I realized nobody talked about it! In our modern Western society we are so obsessed with youth and beauty and spending and living that we ignore our inevitable demise as much as humanly possible. All the avoidance around the topic of death and dying is a reflection of our denial of it.

When I was almost 40, I became a hospice volunteer. Of course I was nervous when I started (what would I say?), but something amazing happened. My own fear of death lightened up a lot. And my perspective on life changed dramatically. Steve Jobs quote reminds of me of the lessons I learned as a hospice volunteer.

Here's how thinking about death can help you live a more fulfilled life. Consider what a hospice nurse found when she interviewed the dying about their regrets in life. They said:

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I wish I'd expressed my feelings more.

I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Weird how thinking about dying can give us renewed direction for life, huh?  I went through this with my wife... . her strength at my weakest moment keeps me going... .

I know its hard at first... . but our gift was meant to be shared!  We are now armed with an experience that makes us stronger... . when you find the right person... . that Love will be even stronger than before as a result.

I hope this helps those who are a little down today!

[flynavy]

Good Morning all... . a very sad and one of the most insidious effects of being in a relationship with any of these cluster B disorders is the non BPD/NPD is left with a feeling that there is no love... . there is no hope... . and relationships are not ever worth pursing again!  It seems to be a resounding theme in posts... . especially in the early stages of grief/anger and utter confusion.

I ran across this Steve Jobs quote and commentary by a hospice nurse.  As many of you know by my posts I know a little about this... . so here it is... . the message is in the comments made by those who were dying.  One door closes... . another opens... . don't just walk through the door and survive... . continue to LIVE/LAUGH and most importantly LOVE... . it is a GIFT!

“Remembering you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

― Steve Jobs

A Note from Cynthia... .

True confession: As a young person, I was totally freaked out by anything related to death or dying. It just wasn't something that was discussed in my family.

It wasn t until I was older that I realized nobody talked about it! In our modern Western society we are so obsessed with youth and beauty and spending and living that we ignore our inevitable demise as much as humanly possible. All the avoidance around the topic of death and dying is a reflection of our denial of it.

When I was almost 40, I became a hospice volunteer. Of course I was nervous when I started (what would I say?), but something amazing happened. My own fear of death lightened up a lot. And my perspective on life changed dramatically. Steve Jobs quote reminds of me of the lessons I learned as a hospice volunteer.

Here's how thinking about death can help you live a more fulfilled life. Consider what a hospice nurse found when she interviewed the dying about their regrets in life. They said:

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I wish I'd expressed my feelings more.

I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Weird how thinking about dying can give us renewed direction for life, huh?  I went through this with my wife... . her strength at my weakest moment keeps me going... .

I know its hard at first... . but our gift was meant to be shared!  We are now armed with an experience that makes us stronger... . when you find the right person... . that Love will be even stronger than before as a result.

I hope this helps those who are a little down today!

[crystalclear]

flynavy - I wept as i read this post. I always believed in "Live, Laugh and Love". It is heart aching to see the same beliefs are deeply distorted after the BPD/NPD leaves us.

Thank you for this post, it awakens the truth we must live with - LIVE, LAUGH and LOVE till the end!

[Surnia]

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This is my most important gift from my shattered marriage! My new mantra: I am not on earth to live all the shoulds and musts from everyone around me. It is written on my bathroom mirror.