Octoberfest your posts have been very inspirational to me lately as I'm in the early stages of a breakup with BPD ex. However I would like to thank you for sharing this.
My own ex's utter and complete hypocrisy is making me ruminate today... . he gave me a lot of high handed moral advice and told me that my depression was due to various things I needed to 'correct in myself'... . etc. Last word to me was to 'find serenity and let go of hate... . ' having really made me want to hate him by using and recycling me for years... .
I think that they are so split and conflicted in themselves, that they despise what they themselves do and feel the need to repudiate it in others. This is the only way I can explain my ex's incredible hypocrisy and high moral stance.
And yes it does hurt and annoy terribly because of the injustice. I find injustice hard to handle generally even when it happens to one of my friends. When it is me and I realise I have really been screwed over I just start to fune as I'm doing today. Even though I let go ex and don't want him back, on one level I want revenge and I have to recognise that in myself ugly as it is.
Thanks for all your posts.
I think it is this... . I have a very strong sense of honor and justice, and everything about her and her actions screams injustice and dishonor.
Hi Octoberfest,
this is one of the things that drives me to despair - that I can be having a good day/week and then some photo or comment or finding an old e-mail has me spiralling back into the fog, confusion, anger, humiliation... .
As you know, because you replied to my post and it really helped me, I was all over the place this week. Today, I was climbing back out the mire and have just bumped into the man who was my ex's best man at his recent wedding. This guy is someone I have known for years because he's my ex's best friend and he has always been very kind to me but I could hardly look at him today. I kept visualising him dancing at the wedding! By the way, my point here is not that he's a hypocrite - he is my ex's best friend, not mine - my point is that I was feeling fine and after the encounter just wanted to burst into tears in the middle of the supermarket.
It's something I notice on here - that the people who reply to me with such strength and wisdom can post something the next day to say that they are suffering again. I think it's just a reflection of what we've been through. The rollercoaster of emotion doesn't end with the end of the relationship. But I've also been around here long enough to see that the 'terrible day' posts have longer between them.
I also think that when we read other people's posts, we can be more objective. We tell them that they deserve better or that they are people of worth and value. We get angry on their behalf. Yet we don't seem to always be able to do that for ourselves!
I am sorry that you have had this setback. As you say... . "two steps back" - hope tomorrow is three steps forward... .
take care
Claire
I also agree with this... . I haven't really gotten angry at how I was treated. Just hurt and sad and confused. It is a step I must get to at some point.
October, believe or not her cheating was not meant to hurt you. Sex is often used to self soothe and her inner pain/hurt over rode her need to be faithful to you - it wasn't about you at all.
Is there a reason why you are hearing this stuff? Do you want to continue to hear it? Doesn't seem like it is helping you detach.
I don't want to hear any of it anymore. If i never had any reason to think of my BPDex again, it would be a blessing. I don't want to be reminded of that betrayal and hurt.
Thanks for your words guys. It is nice to know that I am able to speak to and help at least a few people here
