exbf getting married tomorrow

[stop2think]

At a pub tonight with a friend - All i can think as i am binging on drinks today was imagining him around me. All i can imagine is him watching me as i sit in a pub drinking, my illusions. He was with me exactly an year ago with me in the same sports pub, watching F1 with me and my friend.

I cried all the way back home, as he is getting married tomorrow. Is it common to forget and move on within 2 months?

Dreadful times, and all i do is cry.

[clairedair]

Is it common to forget and move on within 2 months?

Common for pwBPD... .

Hi Stop2think

My exH married again a few weeks ago and it has been of some comfort to me to read a number of posts here recently along the theme of 'how did they get married so quickly'.  Helps me to realise that it's not really about me and my value/worth BUT at the same time, I do still feel utterly broken at times and I am also crying.  I found a receipt yesterday from somewhere we had a good time a year ago and now he's married to someone he dated for 6 months.  So that had me crying again  :'(

I may be in a better place than you because we'd been married a long time and things had been really rollercoaster for last few years so in a way, for me, his pre-occupation with his new love (now wife) has been a blessing in that I've had more space to heal this time (compared to previous separations where there was someone else he wanted to marry but was not yet divorced).  I am at stage where I do not want to be in a relationship with him but doesn't really make it much easier to have been 'replaced' so easily.

So, I'm not in exactly same situation but just wanted you to know that you are perfectly justified in feeling dreadful and crying. 

Demonstrates that you are someone who loves in a healthy way.

[Cocoalover]

my heart is going out for you 

i was crying today on my way back home, didnt know whether it was for me or for him! and im about to now. let you cry, take it off of your chest, you will feel better.

educating ourselves about this disorder helps find our way to recovery, we need to grieve too, we are only human! having empathy for ourselves and others means we feel pain, we do care and do what we can, like when we were in relationship with our ex's... . the only difference between us and them is we could feel others pain but they cant, due to the disorder they suffer from, no empathy, no sumpaty, the pain is so immense... . they dont find life fair, dont trust, but they want to, but dont know how! they are always hopeful, soon get disappointed. eager to find answres, impatient, get frustrated, then hit and run! im not thanksful that im out, and ill never ever go back to this relationship. i wish the best for me and for him, apart each on our seperate way... .

[stop2think]

I feel terrible that he is out there living his dreams, and i am drinking and crying all night alone.

I NEVER before cried/felt any pain after drinking, i always felt 'happy' or loosen up a bit. For the past 6 months i just can't stop crying or thinking of him and the good times we had.  :'(

I have decided not to drink until i feel normal again.

[GreenMango]

 . Two months is shockingly impulsive.

Alcohol is a depressant, if you are already depressed its going to make things more depressing.

Have you talked to a doctor or therapist?   They might have some good suggestions.

[Octoberfest]

I feel terrible that he is out there living his dreams, and i am drinking and crying all night alone.

I NEVER before cried/felt any pain after drinking, i always felt 'happy' or loosen up a bit. For the past 6 months i just can't stop crying or thinking of him and the good times we had.  :'(

I have decided not to drink until i feel normal again.

When you say he is living his dreams... . he is living his illusions.  It is important to remember; pwBPD create a fantasy land.  It isn't a real world; it is founded in lies and deceit.  BPD is a clinically diagnosed disorder.  This means that it is both a) VERY serious in nature and b) distinct enough that it has its own classification.  This isn't about you.  It is about them.  It may seem on the surface, that because he is getting married, he is off all happy and content as can be, that his life is complete. However once you start to dig into the motives and driving forces behind his actions, you will find a much more fragmented and corrupt story.  These are broken people, sad as it is to say.  They are doing the best they can; but their methods are tainted.

Sort of along the same line of how Facebook can present a rosy image of people's lives when the truth is far from, don't confuse the fact that he is getting married with him being truly happy.  I think in popular culture one assumes if one marries that they are in true love and everything will be happier ever after. With BPD, it is often far from the case.  Marriage  serves as yet another instrument in the BPD's arsenal.  In their case, it often isn't as real and as pure as you think it is in your head.

Food for thought.  You already have them working against you.  Don't let your own mind betray you and bombard you with thoughts of inadequacy.  Your mind is your own.

Best,

Octoberfest

[Validation78]

Hey Stop!

Allow yourself to feel your emotions and work through them. Once you acknowledge the pain this is causing you, it will be easier to deal with. Time will help you to put it all behind you and not stuffing your feelings will help you to heal.

As the others have said, his behavior has nothing to do with you. If anything, it is further evidence of his unhealthy state of mind. I know it hurts to see him moving on seemingly happy. However, you are privy to the reality which is not evident to the rest of the world. You on the other hand have a real chance to be happy now! The door of possibility is wide open for you. Take a risk, step inside!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[stop2think]

. Two months is shockingly impulsive.

Alcohol is a depressant, if you are already depressed its going tomake thongs more depressing.

Have you talked to a doctor or therapist?   They might have some good suggestions.

It was shocking that he 'told' to his friends that he decided to get girls for marriage and met a girl in 1 month or so and decided to get engaged to her in 1 week, and is now 4 months later is getting married today.

True i do want to refrain from alcohol, but i think i end up going to pubs with friends hoping i will have a good time - sadly fail, cry thinking of all the past 5 months.

I am definitely seeking for therapy - where i currently reside there are literally no therapists (more psychiatrists) who are experienced enough, and i am quite sceptical.

[Findingmysong723]

I know today is going to be an even tougher day for you, but remember you deserve better and try not to soothe yourself with alcohol if you can! We're all here for support! Hope that the therapy does you good!

[clairedair]

When my ex got married a few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be staying with a friend in a place that held no memories for me.  Have you found something to do today that's just for you?

Thinking of you,

Claire

[stop2think]

When my ex got married a few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be staying with a friend in a place that held no memories for me.  Have you found something to do today that's just for you?

Thinking of you,

Claire

   Claire - Unfortunately, i do not really have anyone who support me on this particular day, including my friends. I am just keeping myself with work and read posts here - but it's helping me not think a lot about him. It's very hurtful they move on so quickly while i am still grieving 5 months after he broke up with me... .

[stop2think]

I know today is going to be an even tougher day for you, but remember you deserve better and try not to soothe yourself with alcohol if you can! We're all here for support! Hope that the therapy does you good!

Thank you Finding... . this place as helped me a lot... . and my only support system.

[Sharkey167]

Almost 11 months after breakup and I still still think about how hurt I am that they move on and "forget" so quickly. I am convinced that her and her new victim will be engaged by years end.

She is leaving for 2 months to go visit him overseas and he will come here for 3 months after that. It makes me sick. We're all in this together I guess.