Lying about rape?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So I was thinking about something that happened with my BPDex.  We had been broken up for awhile, (it was before she recycled me) and she claimed that she had been raped.  I was there by her side right away.  Took her to the clinic.  Helped her through the whole process and it was definitely a turning point in us getting emotionally involved again. 

I had wondered in the back of my mind if she could have lied about this.  Of course I couldn't openly question her because that would simply be too cruel and could do SO much damage if she was in fact telling the truth.  I also find it hard to believe that even with her condition, that she could lie about something so serious. 

Has anyone ever seen someone with BPD do this before? 

Also... .

There was one detail after the fact that stood out to me as odd.  Perhaps someone with some insight into standard procedures could provide some insight. 

- She said she was asked to come back to the Rape Crisis Center (where I initially took her) to identify her attacker who was apparently brought in because they matched his DNA from the rape kit.  She said it wasn't the usual police line up that you hear about and that it was done at the crisis center.   That seems odd to me... . Wouldn't that sort of thing be done as a line up and wouldn't it be done at a police station? 

Anyone have any experience/insight?

[Tordesillas]

So I was thinking about something that happened with my BPDex.  We had been broken up for awhile, (it was before she recycled me) and she claimed that she had been raped.  I was there by her side right away.  Took her to the clinic.  Helped her through the whole process and it was definitely a turning point in us getting emotionally involved again. 

I had wondered in the back of my mind if she could have lied about this.  Of course I couldn't openly question her because that would simply be too cruel and could do SO much damage if she was in fact telling the truth.  I also find it hard to believe that even with her condition, that she could lie about something so serious. 

Has anyone ever seen someone with BPD do this before? 

Also... .

There was one detail after the fact that stood out to me as odd.  Perhaps someone with some insight into standard procedures could provide some insight. 

- She said she was asked to come back to the Rape Crisis Center (where I initially took her) to identify her attacker who was apparently brought in because they matched his DNA from the rape kit.  She said it wasn't the usual police line up that you hear about and that it was done at the crisis center.   That seems odd to me... . Wouldn't that sort of thing be done as a line up and wouldn't it be done at a police station? 

Anyone have any experience/insight?

[snappafcw]

While i was dating my exBPDgf there was an ongoing courtcase apparently from an incident that happened a couple of years ago where a work associate tried to rape her a much older family man... . It made me sick to my stomach at the time knowing there are people out her putting her through so much pain. She was also sexually abused as a child. I have no doubt this happened. I sometimes have doubts if she is truthful about the current court case though and I feel a tad guilty and ashamed that I doubt her. But the reality is I don't know what is truth and what is lies anymore... . Suppose it doesn't matter now she is out of my life at least until she makes a lame effort to contact me and not account for her actions again... .

[Octoberfest]

My BPDex claimed to have been raped when she was 15 or so at a party... . I later talked to one of her good guy friends who went to school with her and it got brought up and he was super skeptical about it.  He went to beat the hit out of the guy she said did it and said the story just didn't match up.  She said it happened while her boyfriend at the time was in a different room.  The best friend said he thinks its a case of when a girl had sex with a dude them regretted it and almost makes herself believe it was rape even though she was a willing participant.  There was never a case made against the guy so... .

Who knows. Like its been said, more harm than good to question stuff like that so long as the guy isn't brought up on charges. 

I don't know what to think or believe anymore.  Surely she has been through lots of horrible stuff, but who knows the real extent of it, good or bad.

[mcc503764]

The best friend said he thinks its a case of when a girl had sex with a dude them regretted it and almost makes herself believe it was rape even though she was a willing participant. 

Mine said that as well.  It's definately a grey area, and one that we should leave alone.  I never really acknowledged it, and she never really spoke of it again, so that kinda tells me right there that it may not have been as "tragic" as she initiallly attempted to make it appear... .

I dont know, bottom line, the BPD will always win!  It will drive you crazy to attempt to understand their thought processes.

MCC

[Tordesillas]

My BPDex claimed to have been raped when she was 15 or so at a party... . I later talked to one of her good guy friends who went to school with her and it got brought up and he was super skeptical about it.  He went to beat the  out of the guy she said did it and said the story just didn't match up.  She said it happened while her boyfriend at the time was in a different room.  The best friend said he thinks its a case of when a girl had sex with a dude them regretted it and almost makes herself believe it was rape even though she was a willing participant.  There was never a case made against the guy so... .

Who knows. Like its been said, more harm than good to question stuff like that so long as the guy isn't brought up on charges. 

I don't know what to think or believe anymore.  Surely she has been through lots of horrible stuff, but who knows the real extent of it, good or bad.

I hear you... . I've heard of teenage girls doing that even without a mental issue involved.  But a grown woman in her mid twenties?  Could she possibly feel so guilty about having sex with someone that she'd call screaming and crying about being raped?  I suppose it's possible... . geeze... . even thinking about the possibility of it all being a complete lie just turns my stomach.

[Deleted]

I too thought about it for so long. My exBPD told me she was raped 2 months into meeting her. As the relationship progressed, she would cry about something (I assumed it was that, it occurred several years prior). The crying would be 3-4x a week. I did what I could possibly do to support her. Man, my stomach was in knots all the time. My body physically was in this flight or fight mode constantly, her past became my future. I had dreams of going back in time and preventing this. For brevity, it really tore me to an almost infinite amount of pieces. She even told me she had bruises all over but never bothered to report it! :'(

I never doubted it at all. On the contrary, I made excuses for her because of that. I allowed so much BS to slide because she was a victim of a crime that I cannot begin to even think about. Until one day she raged and raged and raged, it was as if I didn't know her something or someone possessed her. I was fed up in that argument to a point that I just broke up with her and I left. She quickly said "please be patient with me this is around the time that I was raped" (she claimed it occurred August, this argument occurred in first week of January). I thought to myself, what? How could someone use such a heavy issue as a form on manipulation as she obviously knew that it was a very sensitive subject for me to hear about. I also heard from her and others how she painted me black, making it seem as if dating hitler would of been an upgrade from me. It made me wonder if it was just truly BPD distortion, waif, or it did occur but they also use it to manipulate us, I mean c'mon you care to the person of course rape is going to be a very very strong and sensitive subject. I don't know I hope and wish that it's not true only they know.

[Deleted]

I may add, that one line, that one sentence "I was raped" man did it change me. I hated how she used it as a form on manipulation. I hated how she as much as she never admitted it, put that burden on me and passively forced me to hear about it when I wasn't ready. Call me a little girl or a softie but I cried, I had sleeping issues, I was filled with such sadness that it occurred. I let so much pass. She made it seem as if I was her life link. I was the one stable thing she had. I felt trapped, I was being held hostage. I cared for her truly but I wanted to run so far away because every day that I was with her would be the same as prolonging your stay in a room filled with radiation, the longer you stay the more damage it would cause you. I couldn't find it in me to leave and hurt her EVEN more. Be yet another jerk in her life who causes her some sort of heartbreak.When I was with her, I wanted to help but I couldn't because I'm not a professional, I felt like garbage. I was so naive, so stupid. That one sentence she told me, it was so hard for me to leave her, to get over her. I dunno sorry for my rant but this subject is the biggest trigger for me. It's the needle that pops the balloon. I don't know if her BPD was triggered by it or her BPD caused this story to come up.

[SomebodyThatIUsedtoKnow]

The best friend said he thinks its a case of when a girl had sex with a dude them regretted it and almost makes herself believe it was rape even though she was a willing participant. 

Mine said that as well.  It's definately a grey area, and one that we should leave alone.  I never really acknowledged it, and she never really spoke of it again, so that kinda tells me right there that it may not have been as "tragic" as she initiallly attempted to make it appear... .

I dont know, bottom line, the BPD will always win!  It will drive you crazy to attempt to understand their thought processes.

MCC

Something I always noticed with my BPDex was that whenever he told me something that seemed a little outlandish or unusual, if he never brought it again after that initial conversation, it was a lie.  He once told me his best friend since childhood had died.  Complete with tears, he went into full detail about the death and even a long-winded tangent about how the family was handling the funeral arrangements.  The next day, it was like nothing had ever happened and he never mentioned it again.  A few months later, after a period of NC, he was talking about how he'd gone somewhere with the friend who'd supposedly died. 

[goodguy]

The best friend said he thinks its a case of when a girl had sex with a dude them regretted it and almost makes herself believe it was rape even though she was a willing participant. 

Mine said that as well.  It's definately a grey area, and one that we should leave alone.  I never really acknowledged it, and she never really spoke of it again, so that kinda tells me right there that it may not have been as "tragic" as she initiallly attempted to make it appear... .

I dont know, bottom line, the BPD will always win!  It will drive you crazy to attempt to understand their thought processes.

MCC

Yup, mine had the rape story at a party too. The similarities are quite eerie.

[goodguy]

I may add, that one line, that one sentence "I was raped" man did it change me. I hated how she used it as a form on manipulation. I hated how she as much as she never admitted it, put that burden on me and passively forced me to hear about it when I wasn't ready. Call me a little girl or a softie but I cried, I had sleeping issues, I was filled with such sadness that it occurred. I let so much pass. She made it seem as if I was her life link. I was the one stable thing she had. I felt trapped, I was being held hostage. I cared for her truly but I wanted to run so far away because every day that I was with her would be the same as prolonging your stay in a room filled with radiation, the longer you stay the more damage it would cause you. I couldn't find it in me to leave and hurt her EVEN more. Be yet another jerk in her life who causes her some sort of heartbreak.When I was with her, I wanted to help but I couldn't because I'm not a professional, I felt like garbage. I was so naive, so stupid. That one sentence she told me, it was so hard for me to leave her, to get over her. I dunno sorry for my rant but this subject is the biggest trigger for me. It's the needle that pops the balloon. I don't know if her BPD was triggered by it or her BPD caused this story to come up.

I'm right there with you, same thing happened with mine. Whether or not the story was true (and I have reasons to believe it was distorted), she used it as manipulation. Even went so far as to point the guy out to me that did it.

[Deleted]

Goodguy- I only got a name but there were no pictures or anything about him. I felt so wrong to think that it could be distortion but now I may certainly think it could of been. It sounds cold but I think to myself how could someone use that as a form on manipulation? How could someone just tell a person you just met 2 months ago, a stranger practically. In my case my exBPD is so open and sexual on social platforms, how could someone who has gone through rape be so open sexually, frequently talking about inappropriate things about sex and cunnilingus, to strangers on the web? My ex also engages in amorous activities rather quickly with guys (a month or 2). How can someone who's been raped be so open about such things? I don't understand   I don't know, all I do know is that I'm glad it's over and I left. Rape or no rape, that's not an excuse for abusive behavior on their part. It explains behaviors,yes, but it's not a get out of jail card. I've mentioned this several times at 20+ years you're more than old enough to realize your behavior, actions, and words. After several relationships you're more than aware of what you're doing/saying.