Arghhh what now?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

ok so havent heard from him since very early yesterday morning, then just now i get a text saying miss u xx. I didnt see it straight away then get another text saying having too much fun with your new fella to reply. Wow i dont reply within 2o minutes and get that. My reply (which i know i shouldnt of done) I take 20 minutes to reply and Im guilty and u take 30 hours but no doubt innocent. Now what do I do? No reply which is no surprise but no doubt he will. Im sick with worry and nerves, im angry, im hurt!

[gallerykey]

ok so havent heard from him since very early yesterday morning, then just now i get a text saying miss u xx. I didnt see it straight away then get another text saying having too much fun with your new fella to reply. Wow i dont reply within 2o minutes and get that. My reply (which i know i shouldnt of done) I take 20 minutes to reply and Im guilty and u take 30 hours but no doubt innocent. Now what do I do? No reply which is no surprise but no doubt he will. Im sick with worry and nerves, im angry, im hurt!

[lostandbroken]

I share your pain.  My girlfriend accuses me on a regular basis of wanting to cheat. It hurts like hell when she tells me that, but I just swallow it down.

[gallerykey]

Im angry with myself for replying, I should of ignored it, he got what he wanted like a spoilt child. I have never cheated in the 2 years ive been with him but I honestly believe he has or has someone just lined up waiting. Why do we do this to ourselves when we know we will never get back the initial 6 month honeymoon period with them? We know they were mirroring and only saying what we said so why do we do this to ourselves? I know hes been away this weekend which basically means being with other girls and that is my boundary!

[lostandbroken]

I am really a novice to BPD so I don't really have any answers.  For me I do have to say its a little bit like a drug.  No matter how bad the low is going to be you can't wait for the high. Lord knows I have my own issues and I have no idea how my relationship is going to work out.  I would have to say in my humble opinion that if hes out running around on you that was he choice and now its time to face the consquences of that choice.  They make be emotionally unstable like children but we still make our children responsible for their choices.

[gallerykey]

I want to explode with anger, I gave him exactly what he wanted, the attention he craves. My daughter now 19 has ADHD but I never used that as an excuse she had to learn right from wrong as a child so why do we make excuses for them? He has no idea of the hurt and pain hes caused because he doesnt care as you and I would. He says he doesnt like being like this but so easily treats me like Im nothing, thats what really hurts when Ive given up 2 years of my life to help and support, take a back seat and be a nothing. Wavering on total anger which is good as helps with the NC and the anger I want to tell u what i really think! Yeah right we all know what that means.

[lostandbroken]

There has to be a point where your own emotional health and stability becomes important for us both.  I let you know when I figure out how to do that.  Not being sarcastic there at all, the truth is I really don't know how much of myself to sacrifice before the sacrifice becomes too much.

[simplyasiam]

they are like a drug to us.

as with any drug the more your away from it the better you feel.

as with any drug user you cant lie to yourself. you have to know just one bit of them and you could be hook again

its strange i know i have other EXs i can see them talk to them and be just fine

[lostandbroken]

That is soo true!

[gallerykey]

Im really trying hard, I have sent emails to a couple of counsellors so I can take a positive step forward but I really thought after 2 days I wouldnt hear from him then a text out the blue like nothing has happened saying miss u xx. All the conversation inbetween has been ignored or just not noticed, probably just doesnt care. I want to be strong, I need to be strong.Kind of going through the motions of what I know I should do, contacting old friends, looking at evening classes etc... . but doesnt fill the void