I told D therapist about BPD

[changingme]

I have been toying with this idea for awhile, I have posted about it, got some feedback and I finally did it. 

I posted on the detached board earlier about an upsetting experience today but I think it may be more suitable for here.  After 8 years of my ex's gf and our daughter having no relationship, D decided today she wanted to meet her.  It is devastated in itself, but I was taken back by how D was very out of character on her impulse to meet her and it had to be like NOW.  Like this week, after 8 years, it was a push to be now.  I couldn't help feel stunned because this feeling was all too familiar, when you think life is going one way and then BPD flips it upside from one second to the next.  I couldn't help but feel this is exactly how life with ex has gone, he will turn out of character (out of the good character) and turn so cold and so stuck on his thoughts or actions that he wanted to do with no regard on how he handled it or who would get hurt a long the way. Felt like total repeat today and this was the first big thing with D.  I knew this day would come, I just was surprised on how it happen.  Like the feedback I got in the other post, I understand my expectations are too high on how I envision things to always go, however I can't help but sit back and see the role of BPD in it.  Can anyone agree?

Anyways, I was already playing phone tag with therapist on setting an appointment I try to give her a call today after how upset I got.  She picked up and we were able to have a long talk about everything that I see at home that she would never see in therapy.  To my surprise she was very understanding and non-judgmental.  She did have more knowledge on it than I thought.  She does want to try to work with her, I will see how it goes.  I was so nervous I wasn't sure how it would go. 

Bittersweet tonight. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mamachelle]

Hi changingtimes,

This sounds good. I have had similar calls with my kids therapists from time to time. I also send emails in advance of the appts quite often. Though I am doing this less and less as they get older.

I have never had a therapist tell me not to do this. If something particularly troubling is going on-- I will mention it for sure.

That said, I think DBT has much stricter rules on this as it has to do with trust. I've never had a loved one in DBT though I see it on the horizon for my SS10.


 

mamachelle

[qcarolr]

changingtimes - how old is your D? It sounds like she is under the age that limits a parents access to this kind of two way conversation. There is more and more research that supports family involvement in treatment of BPD for greater success. It does give more of the 'whole story'.  It is best if this is open - our BPD child is aware of involvement in communication with T.

It is an individual and often complex decision to make. My DD is 27. She signed herself out of treatment when she was 16 and could exclude me from any feedback from her medical care, mental health care. She just recently has signed a release that allows me access to her mental health care providers - limited to knowledge of dx, appointments, life skills support. Yet, this has opened so many doors for my input and the staff response. And DD has been present with the crisis workers - knowing that I am talking with them privately. I see this as a positive step. Hopeful she will continue to choose this new path toward intensive treatment. Taking it one day at a time - though this is hard too.

Hope your communications with the T create a positive situation in your family. Hang in there - having the memories of struggles with ex can either be a help, or get in the way (like PTSD type response). How do you see the impacts from this direction?

qcr  

[vivekananda]

Hi changing times,

Are you asking if it is possible that you are seeing BPD in your dd? The impulsivity and black and white thinking... . ?

If that was your question, then you may be right. But there is lots to think of... . for example, you may be witnessing the effect of  , and not BPD per se. You didn't mention your dd's age and I assume she is adolescent. Well you would expect someone who has   to be more difficult in adolescence.

Whether it is BPD or just personality traits and  , the things we work on as parents are the same: values based boundaries and validation. I would like to suggest the Lundbergs book: "I don't have to make everything all better" for you. It gives us a good handle on how to communicate and validate.

If I misread your post, I am sorry... . but the Lundberg book is still an excellent read for a parent 

Vivek    

ps It sounds like you have a good r/s with the T, that's good to hear.