When it rains it pours

[lostandbroken]

So I am finally figuring out my girlfriend has BPD or at least I think she does and now we go to the doctor to find out she has pancreatic cancer. Probably got 6 months to live. I'm just so tired of it always being something. I wonder how her mood swings are going to be now. I really think she just doesn't care bout anything anymore since what the heck gonna be dead soon anyway. Me on the other hand I feel like someone took a blender to my insides. I want to be there for her to the end.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[VeryFree]

I'm sorry for you and your gf.

Can't imagine how tough this is.

Take care.

[lostandbroken]

Ok. My novice is going to show thru here. But now she tells me she wants another child. She also told me she was going to go to a clinic to get sperm since I don't really want anymore children. She said she was basically a single mom for 11 years ahead can do it another 18. My mind is just totally blown away. I really need help here. I know she is just trying to deflect away from the news. I am trying really hard to not take it personal. At the same time how can you not be hurt by that?

[hoping4hope]

Well, that would hurt you.

She is clinging to life and if you won't help her she'll do it herself.

But it sounds like what she is planning is impossible.

I can't imagine that artificial insemination is done without a medical exam and she can't pass that.

It would seem a person with BPD would handle end of life issues very, very badly.  I bet there is some discussion about it on this site.

Also, please get yourself someone to talk to.

You're going to have to cope with a lot more than this ... .

[Blazing Star]

    

Feeling for you! What a rough ride you have at the moment and potentially ahead of you.

It sounds like she is indeed clinging to life. How would it feel to validate that for her? "Honey it sounds like you want to have another baby, I am wondering if this is in response to the news about the cancer, I can't imagine how it must have felt to hear that news, how are you doing with it?"

Also seconding hoping4hope in that you need some support around yourself. Do you have supportive family and friends nearby? Are you seeing a Therapist (T)? Is she seeing a T?

We are here for you!

Love Blazing Star

[waverider]

I too am dealing with BPD and Cancer (breast cancer), and I know exactly how hard it is for them to focus on the reality of tomorrow, and making the best of things.

It does affect the way you treat them as a lot of issues just dont seem important anymore, but it is like watching someone hack away at the bottom of their own lifeboat with a pick axe, and there's nothing you can do about it

[lostandbroken]

I'm not seeing a T yet but I am planning on it. Now got to figure out how to see one without her freaking out on me. I'm very new to all of this.

Thanks for showing me how to validate her.

[babyducks]

lostandbroken,

My thoughts are with you. 

I would suggest the best way to tell your girlfriend that you are planning on seeing a therapist is with "I" statements.   

Honey I think its important that I see a therapist for a while so I can work on my issues. 

I know my partner was always willing for me to fix my issues.   

take care of yourself

babyducks

[briefcase]

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's diagnosis.  That would be tough on anyone.  When I started to see a therapist I told her it was to work on my own issues - along the lines of what babyducks suggested above.  It's probably the best option you have right now.  Please keep us posted.