Oh Damn, all change again

[heronbird]

 

Hi all, remember what a lovely 9 months I have had. It was amazing really, not perfect buy yes, no worries really. I knew it wasnt all over but I was optimistic. Everyone said it would be the making of her.

It seems to me, she now has post natal depression with BPD. I kind of thought at the beginning that it was only PND, so that may have been easier. I thought, uh great, I need to learn how to work with that now. I should be an expert by the time I finish.

Then I got a call from someone who knows her, she told me that my dd had been badgering people for tablets, so yep back to her old ways. So it is BPD too. She also had been texting me saying she has a terrible stomach ache and could I get her a prescription from the GP for strong pain killers. She was slightly obsessed with it, it reminded me of her old ways. There has been a few other things too.

I have the baby most of the time. Her dh insisted on picking him up after work every night last week, so I had a break and he comes here at 6 am every morning. Ive had him all weekend.

Mental health are being useless as usual.

Sorry have to go, baby crying

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Heronbird -   

A fun age with the baby. Sounds like you get such joy being a grandma with a really big   . Is the daddy good with the baby and needs you while he works?

The roller coaster of my DD27 cycling close to us then angry and away -- seeming to be working toward imporving herself, the immersed with her toxic friends... . this is hardest part for me. How do you keep such a cheery state of mind for yourself?

Thanks for the update, and hope things can stablilize at least with the baby and daddy.

qcr  

[heronbird]

Its all such a heartache and she is so angry with me now, we had a meeting today. She had a little go at me and I got upset, Ive had enough of it all so I started getting upset and I said I wish I could just leave the country.

Then after the meeting she came out and had a go at me saying she can never tell me anything, she had wanted to tell me that (stupid thing) for years then finally when she did I say I dont want her, I want to leave the country. She stormed off and now wont talk to me.

I handled that so bad, as usual. I feel like Im in the middle yet again Im trying to help her as much as possible yet I cant be perfect. This is so horrible.

She was so well when pregnant, cant they give her some hormones or something. :'(

Oh I feel so crap right now, Im trying so hard to put a brave face on it.

[griz]

Oh heronbird: So hard.  Just when we think all might be going well with them things flip.  I am sorry she is going through such a rough time.  Has she spoken with her dr. at all?  Could this just be postpartum depression.  Happens to so many new moms.  Maybe some hormone therapy could help. 

This must be so hard for you and I know the whole brave face routine and I hate it so.  I am thinking of you.

Griz

[qcarolr]

heronbird - be kind to yourself. we all are human too, and doing our best is better some days than others.

qcr   

[jellibeans]

heronbird

you do need to go easy on yourself. Your dd is going through a hard time and it sounds like you are too. The question now is how to go forward. This is what you need to ponder right now.

I am not sure of your situation... . you have the baby all day? Why is this? Your dd is looking for drugs... . was she drug free for a time? I am just not sure how things have fallen apart.

Would it help to remind your dd of how well use was doing? Is she seeing a therapist? Would it help to apologize to her? I find sometimes that helps to go forward... . don't give up... . things will turn for the good again. Look at this as a bad patch.  

[heronbird]

Oh its all such a mess, Ive spent all day getting messages from people who are so worried about her, telling me she needs to be in hospital, Im not her next of kin and she is over 18 now so why tell me? I cant do anything.

Her family is all broken up and she is drinking and taking too much medication, her husband has been crying all day saying he cant cope with this. It his first time really, I had it for years.

They wont hospitalise her unless she tells them she is suicidal and shes not stupid she wont tell anyone that ever she hates hospital. Being at home is not an option,

Validation was useless she is too bad at the moment. She cant even walk to a local shop.

She finally has been taken to the hospital by the Police. They just done a mental health assessment on her and her dh told me that they say they will put her in the mother and baby unit tomorrow. I dont know how that will work.

I have such a headache and it wont go away. Ive been up since 5 am and did a night feed at 3.30am. If she goes in mother and baby unit, that will be a good solution, but I dont know if they can make her go.

Is it so stupid how she does not want to seek proper help, just wants pills for everything.

I told the mental health team that she is not only a good liar, she is also a brilliant actress.

Its so hard, gone from bad to worse so quickly

[jellibeans]

Heronbird... . hold on... . you know if you wait a bit with a person with BPD things will change all on their own. It is good she is being looked at and can have her baby with her. I wish I knew what else to tell you. But have faith and just try to keep calm. Get some rest while you can. She has been is a good place begore so believe it will happen again. Take care of yourself and keep us posted.  

[qcarolr]

heronbird - hang on.   

When she is tranferred then she will have support for being with the babe -- and care for herself. You can get some rest. Things will turn in a new direction. This is the only ALWAYS -- that tomorrow will be different than today.

What direct support is available for the daddy in all this? as a hubby to your D? he is the family now - or needs to be. It is hard as a mom to step back when our child is in such distress.

Praying for a better tomorrow for each of you. Praying for the mental health team to be at the top of their game. let us know how things are going.

qcr  

[js friend]

Hi Heron,

Im sorry that things have gone downhill so quickly for your dd.

I hope your dd will agree to go into a m&b unit because those places literally save many lives... . A friend of mine was admitted many years ago so I know about all the great work they do in those places... . Your dd and gs will be well taken care of and you and sil sound like desperatley could do with some respite.

.It is an emotional time but.try not to be so hard on yourself... . call on your faith for strength and guidance to help you get you through this.  

[pessim-optimist]

I'm so sorry heronbird   

It is so hard to adjust to all over again, isn't it, when things were looking up for a while... .

How are you feeling today? Are you better, physically?

You are right that your dd's husband (and the baby) are her family now... . It must be so difficult for him as it is so new. I think you may be an excellent resource and a coach to him, if he is open to listen to your experience... .

I can see your dd's perspective on pills - they act so fast and there's no real effort to it. Therapy is hard work, and it is painful as well - who would want that ON TOP of their problems, right? She needs to be ready. With the stress and newness of the baby, it is probably too much for her to even think about... .

Let us know you are doing, take care of yourself... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

You are right that your dd's husband (and the baby) are her family now... . It must be so difficult for him as it is so new. I think you may be an excellent resource and a coach to him, if he is open to listen to your experience... .

What a great way to think about our role as parents of our adult kids. As a coach for the others in their life that can be supportive for them. Sometimes parents are just too close... .

I can see your dd's perspective on pills - they act so fast and there's no real effort to it. Therapy is hard work, and it is painful as well - who would want that ON TOP of their problems, right? She needs to be ready. With the stress and newness of the baby, it is probably too much for her to even think about... .

Doesn't this apply to so many of our grown BPDkids? The quick fix. How can we support them in accepting the help available to manage the daily stress. Then they can hear the messages about seeking longer term solutions. The timeline for this is just so out of our control or influence.

Heronbird - hope you can get some rest. You are wonderful, loving person.

qcr  

[swampped]

Dear Heronbird:  I just wanted to add a few      , and to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, along with your dd, sil and that beautiful little baby boy.  You have been such a source of strength to all of us here, as well as to so many in the UK---please take care of yourself, and keep the faith.   I hope that by the time you see these last few notes that things will have lightened up a little for you.  Or at least you have been able to get some sleep.  It is amazing how hard it is to deal with the sleep deprivation a new baby brings.  Can you get some help with the late night feeds, at least?  Sending good thoughts your way.  You are a BPD champion!   Swampped