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[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello,

I hope I found the right board?

Hi

My daughter was diagnosed with "BPD traits" when she was 16 years old.  "They" couldn't give her a full dx because she was under age.  Needless to say  it has been a roller coaster ride for the past 13 years she is now 29.  We have been estranged for most of those 13 years of her choice.  Only calling me when she hit rock bottom for the moment.  Then poof she would disappear again. Leaving me hanging on the hope and prayer that she was ok.   I was black listed.  After rehab for addiction to Xanex. she has stayed clean until a month ago, smoking pot. 

Now, she wants me back and involved in her life.  She is being very careful with me.  I met the therapist today.  The memories of those harsh and scary teen years are coming back. I am sure they will be there for her too.  Her pain and perception are still the same.  I am all she has.  I know I need a group to talk to or listen.  Oh poop!  Why? Why couldn't that beautiful wonderful young woman just know how brilliant she is... . so frustrating.  thanks Fay

[Fay]

Hello,

I hope I found the right board?

Hi

My daughter was diagnosed with "BPD traits" when she was 16 years old.  "They" couldn't give her a full dx because she was under age.  Needless to say  it has been a roller coaster ride for the past 13 years she is now 29.  We have been estranged for most of those 13 years of her choice.  Only calling me when she hit rock bottom for the moment.  Then poof she would disappear again. Leaving me hanging on the hope and prayer that she was ok.   I was black listed.  After rehab for addiction to Xanex. she has stayed clean until a month ago, smoking pot. 

Now, she wants me back and involved in her life.  She is being very careful with me.  I met the therapist today.  The memories of those harsh and scary teen years are coming back. I am sure they will be there for her too.  Her pain and perception are still the same.  I am all she has.  I know I need a group to talk to or listen.  Oh poop!  Why? Why couldn't that beautiful wonderful young woman just know how brilliant she is... . so frustrating.  thanks Fay

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Being Mindful]

Hi Fay,

So glad you found us. Yes, you are in the right place. We are a bunch of caring people who learn together and support each other thru the journey. A huge welcome to you!

I completely understand your words... . "Why couldn't that beautiful wonderful young woman just know how brilliant she is... . so frustrating".

Do you have family or friends nearby to support you in this next chapter of your d. reconnecting?

Being Mindful

[jellibeans]

WEelcome Fay

your post really hit home to me... . I think we all have asked that question at sometime. I am sure you have been to hell and back but I find it hopeful that your dd has contacted you. Maybe time has helped her mature some and she might now be willing to start to work on your relationship with each other.

I think it is good you have a therapist to help with this process... . take it slow and see how it goes... .  

[griz]

Welcome Fay:  I have asked that question over and over again.  Why can't she see herself? Beautiful, smart, witty, artistic... . so many qualities that others admire and yet she doesn't see any of it.  I do think that many of our darlings mature as they get older and maybe that is where she is at.  Working with a T is great, it can help you navigate the relationship in a positive direction and also give you a place of comfort.

Being here is also helpful. A caring and comforting community.  Welcome, I look forward to hearing more about how things are going.

Griz

[Fay]

Thank you jellibeans, Griz, and Being Mindful

Here we go again... . It is the topic I can't seem to change yet.  It's learning again not to let it all get to me.  Calling and not calling... . needing and not needing.  The short snappy remarks if I breathe wrong.  The all or nothing black and white thinking.  Crying hysterically!  To allow her to just be and do on her own. NOT taking it personal

No, I am not seeing a therapist.  It is her therapist, she is seeing.  She wants me involved for the moment.  I have to remember it is in only moments. 

Yes, the other night I found myself worrying because I had not heard from her.  Thinking the worse... . Yet, To my surprise I have learned I can let go. 

I know she is trying.  Apologizing to me afterwards.  She knows she has a problem and is mindful of her own stuff.  I have done breathing and visual mediation with her to calm her.  I do believe she knows the boundaries with me.  I will not talk to her if she is screaming and name calling.  I am grateful that she is trying really hard.  I love her so much. To be honest I don't want to know everything.  I don't need to know everything... . It will serve no purpose.  So, I am not going to therapy next week she decided and said "Is that o.k.?" I told it was her therapy and she can decide.  I just had to know so I can work around it.  She was grateful

I do see a part of her maturing and this is nice.

Thanks for listening

Fay

p.s where is the spell check? 

No I do not have anyone to talk to about her.  My best friend that use to get me through rough stuff when she was teenager has since died.  So, I reached out to the board of those going through this it is a help.  Even if I come here and just write it out. 

Fay

[Being Mindful]

Keep sharing Fay. It helps!

[vivekananda]

Hi Fay,

This is a great opportunity for you I think. She wants you back, she has a T and you can talk with her too... . there is so much hope in that situation. I do wish you luck with it all. (I currently have n/c with my 32 dd (dear daughter)... . so sad)

Tell me, have you read Valerie Porr's: "Overcoming BPD" it is a really good book and gives a good intro to our tools: boundaries and validation. I highly recommend it.

The workshops here are good too. Have you explored the concepts of values based boundary setting and validation yet?

Cheers,

Vivek    

[Fay]

Hi,

No I haven't read the book.  I will.  So much has changed since 13 years ago.  It is going to be a long road for both of us.  Things have been revealed to me that I had no idea had gone on in her young life.  I am trying to come to terms (if one ever can come to terms with evil) however, I want to do whatever I can for her. 

At present I am so angry... . Not at her of course.  She is working so hard right now.  I am so proud of her.

Any way thank you all for your care.

Fay

[jellibeans]

fay

I know you must be overwhelmed right now but do try and read Valerie Porr's book... . it really is worth the time and effort.  

[Reality]

Fay,

You have come to the right place.  Lots of support and strategies and ideas here.  Welcome.

I agree with the Valerie Porr recommendation.  It is available on Kindle, as well. 

Reality