Does she have a right to show up at a Dr. appointment?

[hurry.up.and.wait]

I have sole custody of D4. Her mom wants to come to her next dentist appointment. She wouldn't have even known about it but I slipped up and told her the reason why I needed to rearrange the the time for her visitation with D. So now she wants to come and is asking me for details. I have told her before who the dentist is, but it is my understanding that she has a right to have access to our daughter's medical records. My question for the board is: do I have a right to ask her not to be at the appointment? we have already agreed to reschedule her visitation.

[david]

Unless the court order spels it out I believe she would be allowed to all doc, dentist appts.

I carry a audio recorder with me and turn it on when I am in the parking lot. It's in my pocket the entire time. I need to protect myself from false allegations from xBPDw.

If this is the first time, it may be good to prepare yourself. Do not react to anything and it will probably be the last time.

[ForeverDad]

If you have custody, then you make the decisions, but I too believe that if your order doesn't prohibit her from attending then you probably can't block her.

Frankly, see this as a lesson you had to learn firsthand, in the future you need to make all appointments on your time or this will happen again.  Most here have concluded that trying to trade parenting time for whatever reason too often invites complications, far more than we first anticipated.

[hurry.up.and.wait]

Thanks, she was never interested before in going to the dentist, but now she has a petition in court to adjust the visitation, so she needs to put on a good show. She is generally terrified of the dentist, and I understand it was because she was the victim of some really bad dentists, so it would just be better if she stayed out it for our daughter's sake. I actually told her about the last annual appointment with the pediactrician and she came and it was no big deal, it is just such a pile of bull that she would ever go into a dental office any more than necassary.

[ForeverDad]

While I don't know the particulars, fears will be exaggerated, claims of parenting will be too.  Everyone wants to put their Best Foot Forward, it's a natural inclination, it's just more extreme with a disordered person.

Similarly, she probably has exaggerated the problems of her past or childhood, but since you weren't there you just don't know how much is true and how much is embellished or posturing.

[livednlearned]

I just got sole custody of my son. If N/BPDx tried to show up at S12's dentist appointment, I would block him. I don't think the court would bat an eye.

If you want your ex involved, then tell her you are willing to accommodate her when your child has an appointment with some other medical professional who isn't a dentist.

If you have sole custody, you decide what is best for your child. A court would understand that you did not want your ex, who is terrified of dentists, present at a dentist appointment for your child.

[hurry.up.and.wait]

Appt went okay. It was awkward and a little distracting for me, but D was okay and that is what matters, she was totally natural about mommy being there for the dentist and then we went our separate ways. It good to know that if it is a really serious thing that I don't want ex there for, that I can try to block her from coming if I have a legit explanation for the court. It is hard to not be disgusted by this petty junk.