BPD's with BPD's

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was considering some things earlier and a few thoughts came to mind in considering the past life with pwBPD.  Do they seek out close friends that are BPD too?  The reason that I ask is because the ex pwBPD seemed to have one or two 'buddies' of the same sex that she shared alot of details with that she didn't share with her family or anyone else.  It makes sense that having a pal who has BPD would make you feel more 'normal' or less like a raving lunatic if you can all swap cheating and lying stories, and talk about how to cheat or lie more/better.  I know for a fact the pals have BPD or share many BPD traits.  Just wondering. 

[ScotisGone74]

I was considering some things earlier and a few thoughts came to mind in considering the past life with pwBPD.  Do they seek out close friends that are BPD too?  The reason that I ask is because the ex pwBPD seemed to have one or two 'buddies' of the same sex that she shared alot of details with that she didn't share with her family or anyone else.  It makes sense that having a pal who has BPD would make you feel more 'normal' or less like a raving lunatic if you can all swap cheating and lying stories, and talk about how to cheat or lie more/better.  I know for a fact the pals have BPD or share many BPD traits.  Just wondering. 

[Clearmind]

Many of us have BPD traits and its likely our own undiagnosed partners have traits and not the disorder – we really don’t know.

Borderlines don’t cheat and lie to persecute – part of having the disorder also means that they will have maladaptive coping skills to survive their own feelings of persecution that the world is against them. They spend a lifetime wondering why they are not understood.

So in saying that Borderlines seek out friends, partners that will hopefully make them feel more whole – a whole person. Those folks are usually care takers, rescuers and fixers. I know I certainly was.

[ScotisGone74]

I don't know if I clarified this or not, but one thing I am positive of, no guessing involved, is that she has one or any of the following:  BPD, NPD, or Histrionic PD, or possibly a combination of all three.  While I am no psychologist I am a healthcare professional that has seen a lot of nuttiness over the years and the person I was involved with didn't carry just 'traits'. 

[SweetCharlotte]

I believe my husband, undiagnosed BPD, selected me because I have a mild bipolar disorder (Type 2) and I battle alcohol dependence.

It gives him an out when I complain that he is mistreating me, he will flat-out say, "You are mentally ill." Yet I must always validate HIS thoughts and feelings.

This also permits him to literally escape from me (walk out on me, since we have a commuter marriage and separate residences) by declaring that I "create unsafe situations."

I don't see a borderline with another borderline in a relationship because they would not "click," but I do have some BPD traits and I even fear abandonment more than my husband does. In this way he can count on my fear of abandonment when he threatens to make an escape.

He has friends who are probably BPD, including two females. He likes to meet with them for sympathy and advice. In his family there is much dysfunction, including an older brother with probable antisocial personality disorder who killed himself last year. My husband does not have anything to do with his family.

[Reg]

My ex her closest friend (in moments and since early age) is a woman who first was hetero and later became lesbian.  She has possibly BPD features, and has been in the same kind of relationship as me and my ex.  However didn't get to know her well enough to say much on the matter.  However since my ex knows about her own BPD she is avoiding her because she thinks her best friend has BPD... .   At least she said that in one our last conversation.

For the moment my ex is in the middle of same sex friends (and relations) with known BPD or serious BPD features.  So yes they do attract.

[thisyoungdad]

I know that I don't have BPD however I was/am a rescuer. I am therapy and going to Al anon a lot and really seeing my own character defects which lead and contributed to the toxic relationship with my soon to be ex. We met when I was very early in my own sobriety and she had many more years. We had some mutual friends. I think one of the things that attracted us was that she was getting her first divorce and played the victim card like she is with me, and we are more than a decade apart in age so I was this young military guy ready to come rescue her from her first ex. It worked perfectly, until it didn't. But it worked long enough to get us hooked together, have a kid and get married. Then I started to not rescue her anymore because it drained too much, and I was putting up some pretty mild boundaries and she flipped and couldn't handle it and just literally disappeared.

However, now that I am not in the picture she has "found" a best friend who has BPD without a doubt. I actually think this woman "found" my wife and herself needs to be a rescuer and is taking advantage of my wife. This woman was raised by one crazy mom with BPD herself. So the craziness just escalated to new heights when this woman showed up in my wife's life. I believe my wife has latched on so tightly because it is one of the very people in her life left who will validate her B.S behavior or even encourage it at times! This person will listen to her accuse me of all kinds of heinous and untrue things (even though she knew me for years and had some of the most kind things to say about me as a husband and a person) and encourage that. This person encourages her to treat me poorly in fact. So it is probably the one single person I know of in her life that she is 100% free to be her crazy self with and get away with not being accountable or taking responsibility for anything. This woman loves to blame me as much as my wife. She acts like it was her marriage almost. It is one f-ed up situation that is for sure and it makes me glad to not be anyplace near it. I know because I am watching it happen that this woman though only has time for my wife as a last resort and I know that someone is going to get hurt sooner or later because they both have such strong issues.

[Inside]

Scot…  I’ve been waiting for your question.  Not that I’ve a lot to add, but have wondered the same.  

My exBPDgf has a …strange ‘best’ friend …since middle school I believe.  Though my x honestly (I believe) denied any sexual or physical abuse as a child, her friend did experience that.  They’re tight; kiss on the lips, share the same bed when visiting each others place… creepy weird in my eyes.  Her friend never appeared at ease with me, though I’m pretty easy to be around.  She always seemed to be hiding …something.  Every time my x returned from having spent time around her, she seemed full of herself, less accommodating, or, sad over the messed up life of her long time never married (mother of one) ‘friend.’

Another question I’m waiting for …but not sure how it would be presented ‘around here’ is... . do BPD’s ever get with each other?  Smiling big over here – who’d mirror who   Has it ever happened?  Could it ever happen.?  And what would happen... . ?

[iluminati]

Another question I’m waiting for …but not sure how it would be presented ‘around here’ is... . do BPD’s ever get with each other?  Smiling big over here – who’d mirror who   Has it ever happened?  Could it ever happen.?  And what would happen... . ?

All I will say is that I've seen it before from dealing with my wife's fellow diagnosed pwBPD... . and it is interesting to say the least.  *sips tea*

[Inside]

Iluminati,

So, I visualize group therapy … each sending out their alluring signals …yet mirroring what.?  Then idealizing what... . ?  Then …clinging to what - nothing…?  On to splitting a fake persona …and eventually painting ‘fake’ (if not their own) behavior black... . ?   Then running around to their ‘friends’ describing the crazymaking aspects of BPD  

Any Recycles... . ?  Seems it would be a very short-lived affair … unless one had a Narcissistic bent and became dominant.  My exBPDgf has the co morbid affliction of Histrionic behavior.  Hey – the two might ‘work’  one needing little more than ‘being in charge’ while the other fed on attention  

Considering the soup of their associated disorders, I suppose anything’s possible – though lacking someone to pick up the pieces, like us, even less stable and quite temporary ~ 

[iluminati]

Considering the soup of their associated disorders, I suppose anything’s possible – though lacking someone to pick up the pieces, like us, even less stable and quite temporary ~ 

I would agree with that.  My wife made a number of friends through her various stints through the mental health system.  Most of her dealings (and the ones I saw between fellow diagnosed pwBPD) were on the friendship level, but I know in one case not involving my wife, it stepped up to the sexual.  You're right about the transient nature of their friendships, where it goes from being strangers to Best Friends Forever to strangers in a hurry.  It's weird to watch, and especially complain about seeing BPD behaviors from others.  It's strange to watch.

[ScotisGone74]

I geuss the weird thing I noticed during the relationship was that it seemed like the only 'friend' or two she had was crazy and always involved in drama.  One of the red flags at the time I kept thinking was that 'geeze your

buddy is nuts'.  Reflecting back it just seems to me that they were always using one another for something, a place to stay, an alibi to tell the other's SO where they were, watching the other's kid while they went to go fool around with some guy behind their husband's back... . constant drama.   It was like one of them got some type of real enjoyment out of watching the other stir the pot of lies, drama, and cheating in their relationship, in the end its sad I suppose.  During the relationship I wrote it off as they were just the people she worked with all the time, and behind closed doors she would disassociate from them, but the reality is, for the most part, the cliche that 'You are the company you Keep' rings true. 

[Clearmind]

ScotisGone74, folks with good boundaries and those that recognize red flags will not stick around for long.