Help - Closure Approaches, why is she trying to hold on?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello All,

I have shared on these boards how my BPDex left our home three days after we agreed to give each other some space to sleep with another guy in another city, who she met on Facebook.  After only three months, and much more drama reported here, she is moving out to that city to work and live with him.

Overall, I am doing much better after the worst period of my life... . save for a serious illness many years ago. Here is my problem:

She continues to tell me that she loves me very much and that I am  her best friend. She wants me to stay in her life forever.  She asks for my advice, and even wants to see me once a week as friends until she leaves in a about four weeks.  she even has an arrangement with her new guy to use me for a booty call, if needed, since they live far apart. The funny thing is that I believe her about loving me and my being her best friend... . but I am having a a hard time getting my head around her behavior.  this is why I need advice.

I love this girl so much that I accept that I do not have a realistic handle on why she does what she does.  I also know that she damn near ruined my life.  Now, the biggest part of me wants her to be gone so that I can finish healing and move on. 

Why is she doing this... . this effort to hold on to a serious friendship, while she moves in 2000 miles away with a guy she hardly knows?  Even she does not get that this makes me trust her behavior even less.

I would like to keep her as a friend, we were friends before. But I can't help feeling that I am being played... . not with malice, but from her emotional issues needing to hedge her bets.

What do you all think?  Thankls

 

[Hurtbad]

Hello All,

I have shared on these boards how my BPDex left our home three days after we agreed to give each other some space to sleep with another guy in another city, who she met on Facebook.  After only three months, and much more drama reported here, she is moving out to that city to work and live with him.

Overall, I am doing much better after the worst period of my life... . save for a serious illness many years ago. Here is my problem:

She continues to tell me that she loves me very much and that I am  her best friend. She wants me to stay in her life forever.  She asks for my advice, and even wants to see me once a week as friends until she leaves in a about four weeks.  she even has an arrangement with her new guy to use me for a booty call, if needed, since they live far apart. The funny thing is that I believe her about loving me and my being her best friend... . but I am having a a hard time getting my head around her behavior.  this is why I need advice.

I love this girl so much that I accept that I do not have a realistic handle on why she does what she does.  I also know that she damn near ruined my life.  Now, the biggest part of me wants her to be gone so that I can finish healing and move on. 

Why is she doing this... . this effort to hold on to a serious friendship, while she moves in 2000 miles away with a guy she hardly knows?  Even she does not get that this makes me trust her behavior even less.

I would like to keep her as a friend, we were friends before. But I can't help feeling that I am being played... . not with malice, but from her emotional issues needing to hedge her bets.

What do you all think?  Thankls

 

[Clearmind]

Lots about her my friend – not so much about your thoughts. There is no gratitude or fun in self-sacrificing.

Take her out of the equation – what does friendship mean to you? Think of your best mate/friend, as a benchmark, and go from there?

[tailspin]

Hurtbad 

You are being played.  You ok with this or do you want more from a partner?  What you want matters and what you need is important.  Be true to yourself; your ex did not have your best interests in mind when she presented this option to you.  It's win/win for her and lose/lose for you.

If you pay attention to her actions and stop clinging to her words you will see the big picture here.  As always, the choice is yours.

tailspin

[mitchell16]

Hurtbad, I can understand where you are coming from trying to figure out her actions and why she does what she does. I Still get tsuck doing that same thing. I have to remind myself what does it  matter, wont change a thing if I knew her reasoning. In my opion would it make any less hurtful that she wants to be with someone else if you knew the reason. But also in my opinion and what I have found with my own experience is that the will use us as a safety net. Mine would do the same thing, she never openly told me about other  men nor did I ever find out about any while we were together. But she would want a break up, you could just about bet that she woudl start conatacting me in some form after baout 3 to 10 days. She would start out with just wanting to text or talk but " not sure " if she want us back together or not. She was keeping me in the loop just in case the other person or thing or whatever did work out.

This last break up she once again started over something that was so minor I was in shock. After about 6 days she started text and she texted every day. Until I confronter her with why she wsa doing that. I havent heard a word since. She wanted to just keep me hooked.