Depleting our savings AGAIN

[Linlu53]

My uBPDh has bought yet another vehicle! Ugh! We are going through a calmer period which I am enjoying. But he has a penchant for buying cars and trucks. We work long and hard to save our money. He buys them and soon finds something wrong or just tires of it. Then begins the search for another. And he doesn't get rid of the ones we have! At one point we owned 13 cars! We finally signed 4 of them over to our kids and their spouses. 4 of them are in storage.  He keeps asking me what I think but I know whether I want him to or not he will be buying it! Does anyone else have the problem of their SO spending their hard earned money on fleeting purchases.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Surnia]

Linlu53

OMG, who needs 13 cars? 

I would say, you are not the only one here with a partner who has similar problems. Its a addiction... .

Is there anything you can do like limiting his expenses?

[badknees]

My spouse goes to casinos and plays "penny machines" what a joke. those penny's are 20 dollar bills. I have set limit after limit she always exceeds the limit. She breaks the agreements. last year 10,00 on gambling, this year 5000 already. I have been told to cut her off. I have, guess what... . it causes an episode, very angry that I am controlling her and seems not to understand there are limited funds coming in every month and a son entering University in September. But logic has no meaning. My therapist told me I need to see the gambling as a threat (not her) as any other to y family's safety and take action to ... . take action. But I am a wimp and very tired of the tirads and BS. Just really tired. If you have any courage left inyou, use it to cut him off. One day he may thank you for it but you have to preserve your resources. One day you will have an emergency or really need the money and it WILL NOT BE THERE... . or willl haveno money to repair the roof or pay for your son's college.

[Wanda]

 i can say my husband is more of a penny pincher, hates to spend money...   but me     I am not bad but you know that is just life... I can say since we are back to one account instead of two i am actually doing better at not spending as much.  and I am the non

[Chosen]

Yikes... . those are big purchases, and unless you have more than a dozen people at home, 13 cars is definitely not necessary! 

Instead of setting limits (which of course will be broken), are these any boundaries you can set to prevent him from buying more vehicles without consequences?

[waverider]

May be a touch of Obsessive Compulsive mixed in there. My partner has an OCD background and does things like this. Though she doesn't have the money to splash on cars but will blow whatever she has on the current fad

[Linlu53]

Yes, my H def has quite a few OCD traits! We laugh about it sometimes, but at other times it isn't so funny! I really don't know how to keep him from these purchases. We have always had joint accounts and it never has been a problem. Until now that I am helping with the income! He seems to need a 'fix' every now and then. Like a shopper's high. He is always buying the latest gadget advertised on late night infomercials! I guess of all the problems we have and could have the outlandish buying would be one I can put up with. It would just be nice to accumulate some kind of savings! I try to put my check into a savings account when I get paid. But if he gets a hold of it first he puts it in the general account to pay bills with it. And poof! It's gone!

[sadeyes]

I am working on this very problem myself. Its not cars here, but guitars. What he does is 'ask' me if he can buy xyz because he found a great deal on it. If I say yes, he buys asap. If I say no, he has a fit. No win for me and guilt free for him. I have started telling him he is going to have to decide and moving on. Right now, I am trying to give him back some responsibility for his own actions rather than accepting it.

I am thinking of trying something new. Try to get him to set up a budget where we each get x spending money. Then the rest of the money is direct deposit into somewhere safe. Only budgeted expenses in the general fund & personal divided amounts for personal spending.

[waverider]

I got rid of joint account, and all living expenses come out of accounts in my name that she has no access to. Her responsibility is to pay for luxuries and fun money (exciting and rewarding), mine is to pay bills (boring)... Paying for exciting and rewarding things gives her more look "what I have done' validation. While I ensure the boring stuff is spent wisely

[Linlu53]

All of the vehicles are in his name or both of our names so there is no way to sell them without his approval and cooperation. Besides, it's really unthinkable. He would have a fit! This last car that prompted my first post he is already finding things wrong and wants to sell it! Could it possibly have anything to do with the fact that all our property taxes are due and we owe 3500.00 on our credit card by the 4th of next month? Buyers remorse may be setting in. As far as separate accounts, it's a no go. He would have a major meltdown over that. Like I said with all of our problems, we have never really had a problem with the joint account. But lately, I do find myself feeling a little bitter about funding some of his latest whims!