1) Can a BPD be trusted as far as relational fidelity is concerned?
2) Can a BPD survive an adult relationship where "real" intimacy is shared?
I'd really appreciate any insightful responses.
1) People with BPD are emotionally stunted, lack impulse control and self-soothe in maladaptive ways. It's a part of the disorder. Cheating for them doesn't mean the same thing it that means to us. Not all BPD's cheat but many do. As far as trusting them... . they cannot trust themselves due to there unstable sense of self. They have ever shifting EXTREME emotions. Often they don't know who they are and they feel quite empty and barren on the inside.
This make trust problematic because they are unstable.
Back to cheating. Does cheating hurt us? Yes. It's betrayal. It destroys trust. But for them it means something entirely different. Cheating is often borne out of their necessity to self-soothe their disordered feelings. Sounds completely bogus but its true. My ex cheated when he felt that the ax was about to drop. In his mind his thoughts = feelings. When the arguments began to take center stage of our relationship... . he began to act out and devalue me. I know now that it's not personal.
2.) Intimacy is often the trigger for their maladaptive coping mechanisms. BPD is an attachment disorder. They want love but they're fearful of engulfment. That's why there's lots of push/pull... . I love you/hate you. They want love just like everyone else. They just lack the capacity to receive it in a sustaining way. They also cannot give it back to us in an emotionally validating and mature way.
Due to our own ignorance of their mental state we aren't aware of how much they truly hate themselves. And people who hate themselves cannot receive love because they innately believe that they aren't worthy of that love. When I gave my BPDexbf my heart; he bolted. It was too much for him to handle.And way too triggering.
In my experience I mistook intensity for intimacy. Intimacy require emotional maturity; something they simply do not have.
BPD is a serious emotional and mental disorder. They make look normal on the outside but on the inside they are suffering deeply with shame, repressed pain and pretzel logic. The disorder also dictates that they are emotionally immature... . and have a limited capacity to feel the feelings of others and empathize.
My ex was very handsome and attractive guy; but a very very sick man.
Spell
