Unable/unwilling to detach

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am feeling all twisted up inside. Part of me thinks it would be best to move on and forget about her. The rest of me is pining for her to come back to me. It has been two weeks since I last tried to contact her. We are in the middle of a custody fight and we both have been ordered by the court to jump through certain hoops. I was sure she was not complying with anything. Last night the kids were talking to her and had her on speaker phone. I still have contact with her eldest daughter and know that she is not at all happy where she is at. She always took very good care of herself and she has stopped doing her hair and putting on make up. She sounded sullen on the phone last night. I know she has been drinking a lot to try and cover her pain. I was extremely surprised when she told my son that she has made her appointment for her psych eval and even more surprised when she told him she wants to get her own place. Finding all of this out made me feel on top of the world last night and through most of the day today. It reignited my hope that she will get help for herself and we can put our broken family back together. Now tonight I am feeling down. This is so damn hard.

[papawapa]

I am feeling all twisted up inside. Part of me thinks it would be best to move on and forget about her. The rest of me is pining for her to come back to me. It has been two weeks since I last tried to contact her. We are in the middle of a custody fight and we both have been ordered by the court to jump through certain hoops. I was sure she was not complying with anything. Last night the kids were talking to her and had her on speaker phone. I still have contact with her eldest daughter and know that she is not at all happy where she is at. She always took very good care of herself and she has stopped doing her hair and putting on make up. She sounded sullen on the phone last night. I know she has been drinking a lot to try and cover her pain. I was extremely surprised when she told my son that she has made her appointment for her psych eval and even more surprised when she told him she wants to get her own place. Finding all of this out made me feel on top of the world last night and through most of the day today. It reignited my hope that she will get help for herself and we can put our broken family back together. Now tonight I am feeling down. This is so damn hard.

[danley]

Life in general is full of ups and Downs. But when dealing with someone with disordered thinking, the ups and Downs come more frequently and suddenly. I know how you feel. One day you feel a sense of hope that things are turning around but then out of nowhere you trip and fall flat on your face. It's a cycle that many of us here have endured many times. I hope you find yourself in a better state of mind soon. It's not bad to have hope. It's not bad at all. But like many have said before, just remember to safe guard your heart and mind. You can only control your own actions and feelings. I truly do hope your ex is making an effort. Take care of yourself too.

[Validation78]

Hi Papa!

It's great that she is showing signs of wanting to get help. I sincerely hope that she does. As you know, she has to take charge of this desire, and to do the work, herself!

In the meantime, what are you doing for yourself so that your hopes don't all hinge on what she does?

Best Wishes,

Val78