Meeting with daughter after the lasr recycle.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

After my dBPDgf went no contact a week ago I get a reply email today letting me know if I wish to see my daughter, it has to be a certain place and time. That's not the issue, my ex is telling me her mother must be present at these meetings. Her mother is the cause of my ex's disorder and a huge part of our issues throughout the relationship. I want to see my daughter, but am completely uncomfortable about having her mother present. Any advice?

[duncanville1]

After my dBPDgf went no contact a week ago I get a reply email today letting me know if I wish to see my daughter, it has to be a certain place and time. That's not the issue, my ex is telling me her mother must be present at these meetings. Her mother is the cause of my ex's disorder and a huge part of our issues throughout the relationship. I want to see my daughter, but am completely uncomfortable about having her mother present. Any advice?

[david]

This is the beginning of a marathon to see your daughter on a regular basis. Bring a trusted friend with you to witness and protect yourself. Yes, the mother may be a big part of the problem but that is a side issue. I would also put an audio recorder in my shirt pocket and record everything. It may not be allowed in court but it may prevent you from going to court in the first place. It may also help if, at some point in the future, an evaluation, psychologist, gal, etc... is involved. Document everything as best you can. Get your head set so that mother does not get to you. Ignore everything they try to throw at you. It takes a clear head. You need to be detached emotionally. The more you are the easier it will be. Save those emails.

[duncanville1]

Today was very akward, not sure if I feel better? So I bring a very close friend with me to the visitation meeting at a Mcdonalds by the ex's place. We walk in, she had a very strange look on her face. I assume she did not expect me to bring someone with. In the corner of my eye the whole time I see the ex glaring at me, but if I look toward her she looks away. The ex also kept her distance from me the whole hour. The mother in law whom I haven't met in three years didn't say much but we seemed to have more interaction than the ex and I. The visit went OK I guess, my little girl looked happy to see me but kept running to the arms of my ex mother in law... The ex and I didn't say a word to one another, promptly a hour later they were ready to go; in many ways so was I. I didn't stick around. I kissed my daughter and told the ex thank you, she said nothing.

[david]

What I have learned. Ex ran away 5 plus years ago. She used serious alienation tactics against me with the children. I stayed focused on the kids needs. Five years have passed. The alienation tactics back fired since her accusations did not match the reality. I have a better relationship with our two boys then I believe I would have had if ex did not leave. Ex has primary custody. The children know they can talk to me about anything and I will not react and yell at them, I make sure they do their homework even when they complain, I listen to them and guide them with whatever they need from me. Ex can not do these things and many other things. The boys realize this and have responded in kind. It's a marathon and not a sprint.

I suspect your friend threw them off. They realized that a witness was present and if they planned something they could not do what they wanted. That may or may not be true but you protected yourself.