Things have hit the fan--big time

[stymied]

So my sister's kids were advised by their therapist to stay away from her if they feel unsafe.  They felt unsafe and came to my home, and don't want to go home until their mother regains some control over her behavior and gets help.  The younger one has gone to another relative's for the weekend and the option of living there for the foreseeable future has now come up.

The news that the kids wouldn't be coming home was delivered and uBPD sister's rage has reached a fevered pitch.  She says the kids are lying and that she's the one that is being abused.  Threats upon threats to destroy each and every one of us are being launched and I am sitting here, an anxious mess, waiting for her to show up at my house and try to hurt me. 

I am so afraid and I feel guilty and sad about causing her so much pain because her kids are all she has.  But she is hurting them.  She is hurting herself.  She is hurting all of us, and there is no end in sight.  We tried to reach the therapist but haven't had any success. 

What are any possible outcomes for a situation like this?  Is it like an alcoholic who needs to hit bottom?  Will there ever be any clarity or seeing why we needed to do this for the kids, and for her?  Can work be done with the children in the home so she has what she wants, but is in therapy, too?  (She hasn't yet been to therapy, and doesn't realize the BPD dx applies to her.)

Of course the sense of abandonment is completely realized now and we are all to blame.  And technically, she's right in a way because we have provided a safe house for her kids, she truly is alone, but fails to see the role she has played in this story.

I need some words of wisdom, desperately, from anyone who might be out there right now.  I am shaking like a leaf, didn't get a minute of sleep, and feel so guilty, sad and scared.

stymied

[GeekyGirl]

Oh my, stymied. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, and especially sad for the children.   How old are they?

As difficult as this is, if the therapist has some concerns about the children's welfare (and it sounds like you do too), it's probably a good idea to put some distance between them, at least until your sister's rage settles down. What kinds of threats is she making? Is she open to seeing a therapist herself?

How are you and the children doing? As hard as this is, it's good that you're there for them. Please keep us posted. 

[beatup]

 I just want to say how sorry I am. I don't know what else to say. Have you made contact with therapist yet? It is so good the kids have a therapist... . and YOU. Maybe this will push your sister to get some help.

[stymied]

Thank you so much for your replies, beatup and GeekyGirl.

It has been a harrowing day.  We got a hold of the therapist and received more support for the actions we have taken to protect the kids.  I am reluctant to name their ages, but I will say they are not small children.  The therapist says she needs a psych evaluation ASAP, and the kids are not to return until she is under proper care and getting some treatment since her rage is so intense and has gone on without a break for the past few months.

I am doing okay, I guess.  I am numb and exhausted from all the verbal pummeling I have taken over the past several days.  I had to talk to her a number of times on the phone today which was hideous and painful.  She hates me, resents me, blames me for 'keeping her children away from her.'  I was consistent in my message that I love her, which I honestly do, and that her children have chosen to leave in order to protect themselves.  The end result is that she is alone, but it is not abandonment.  I did find words to get off the phone when the abuse got to be too much.  It was not easy.

I am just having a really hard time not feeling guilty about her pain and suffering.  She is begging for her children back and it is breaking my heart.  I hope and pray she will see that she can have them back if she goes for help.

I am so tired and I can't eat.  I have lost 4lbs since Friday. 

Please send prayers. :'(