Everywhere I go I see him

[louise 716]

I haven't posted in quite awhile and even then I only posted a few times, but thanks for the support!

Brief recap: Veteran son married, who we have come to decide, a woman with BPD/narcissist. Son told us in January he was not going to talk to any of us. He does talk, by phone, to his father occasionally - every two weeks or so. They live 2 hours away. I saw my son the end of April but that was the first/last time of any contact since mid January. In April he told his father that his BPD wife was "done with us all." We haven't seen or heard from her since mid December.

Now as it turns out, every where I go, I feel like I see my son. Today, it looked like him driving behind me. I knew it wasn't him be/c he doesn't live around here anymore. I saw someone looking at cars the other day ... I thought the guy looked like my son. Driving home from work yesterday, someone looked like my son.  It's getting kind of freaky. Maybe somehow related to a grieving process.

Has anyone else ever had this experience?  It's got to be something sub conscience.

[StarStruck]

Hi lousie716,

Sorry to learn of what you've gone through and with what your dealing with right now.

I have had the experience of seeing people that I've a strong connection with but it's not them; finding yourself being reminded of someone you miss; from the back of a head, or a side profile, you have to do a double take. Especially when your mind is on other things. When you know it can't possibly be them because you are miles away from where they live. Think that's what makes the experience weird/vivid.

Awful what your family is going through with the BPD wife. I know that some personality disorders can make the partner isolated, because thats what the BPD/narc seeks. Does sound like there is a degree of manipulation going on here, if he's acting out of character and she's showing BPD signs. It must be really difficult for you loving your son and having to mourn for the loss of the relationship.

Hope; it maybe worth keeping in mind that there are a lot of strong people on this website that have come to the realisation of their partners nasty character and are in the process of leaving or have already left them.

Be great to think one day he will see all this for what it is.

 Welcome back!

[louise 716]

Thanks for replying, Missful.

She has definitely worked her "magic" in terms of isolating him. They know no one where they live now and her family lives in another country.

At this point, most days pass uneventfully, with the exception of the recent "sightings" that aren't really sightings. But when thoughts do crop up in my head, they vacillate between anger and empathy.

[GeekyGirl]

Hi louise,

I'm sure that when your son is on your mind, it may feel like you see him all of the time. That's not a comfortable feeling for sure.

So even though he doesn't live in the area anymore, let's say you did actually run into him. What would you do? Is there something you'd want to say to him?

I'm glad that most days pass uneventfully, although I'm sure this is hard for you.  It's ok to be angry, and I can imagine why you go back and forth between empathy and anger--you probably go through a range of emotions.

[StarStruck]

Hi... .

Yes I can see that... . the switch between these two emotions... .

with the feeling of anger having to be repressed to a point... .

angry at the situation, angry with her... . empathy for your son and what he's going through but also maybe angry with him also for 'skipping' to her tune and not seeing the situation for what it is.

This all coming from the fact you care. Feeling like you are almost being punished for no reason whatsoever.

Is horrible and cruel. Sure that's a couple of the terms that's said about BPD and narc behavior.

Don't know how long they have been together but I have read that these characters go through a process of development, 3 stages with the end one becoming very nasty.

Hope there will be a chance there for him to see the whole scope of her personality.

[StarStruck]

I just thought I wonder if there's any techniques that could be mastered at the time of 'seeing' him.

e.g. A thought with an image in your minds eye that could be fostered. I'm sure there are techniques, tips for similar situations. (Remembering though like GeekyGirl said... . it's ok to be angry).

Or something you could do to release the thoughts to prevent it form happening at all.

Maybe writing a letter to him about what you've discovered, your feelings, everything but DON'T send it. It's out of your mind then, that whole conversation. worth a try with this one I think.

  

[StarStruck]

I just thought I wonder if there's any techniques that could be mastered at the time of 'seeing' him.

e.g. A thought with an image in your minds eye that could be fostered. I'm sure there are techniques, tips for similar situations. (Remembering though like GeekyGirl said... . it's ok to be angry).

Or something you could do to release the thoughts to prevent it from happening at all.

Maybe writing a letter to him about what you've discovered, your feelings, everything but DON'T send it. It's out of your mind then, that whole conversation. worth a try with this one I think.

  

[StarStruck]

Unsure how I've managed sending twice... . sorry about that!