I lack sympathy when it comes to her illness.

[OTH]

No caning here.  I've been in those shoes.

Its gets better, stay strong!

Left

Been a long time left. This just a blow out or what? You putting your energy into your life or hers? As long asit is yours it can't cause too much harm. Hope you are well.

[MammaMia]

I do not believe pwBPD need sympathy... . they need understanding, and there is a big difference between the two.

My belief is that pwBPD have both conscious control and a lack of control over behavior that is cruel and demeaning.  When this abusive behavior continues year after year, most non partners suffer emotional burnout. 

When it is not possible to understand what motivates them to do these awful, hurtful things, forgiveness is gone, and coping skills do not work, then it is time to leave.  Everyone has a breaking point and you must take care of yourself.

Sympathy will not help anyone.  Just walk away.

[thisyoungdad]

All I can say is that it is reassuring to hear I am not alone in my feelings or lack of feelings of sympathy. I have compassion that her illness does make her life terribly hard. I can have compassion. I do not have sympathy because they are very different things to me.

[left4good]

Well OTH you ol rascal, how the heck are you?

Most of the old folks know I got here after we split the first time.  As it happens, we recycled after 8 months and been mostly together for 3 years.

If one were able to classify it I'd say this is it.  At least for me.  Her actions made me make the decision to end things, my actions are mostly why we Don't work.

We are living together for another month so we are both maintaining a calm demeanor.

In the last few weeks I've gotten past the what's SHE doing and moved to what I'm doing.  Soul searching and trying reassess who I am and who I need to be.  I didn't heal or forget fully the first time and that made our current situation very unlevel.  I didn't allow her to lift herself up to my "level".  I feel above her because of what she did.  I recognize it, now I have to fix it.  That said... . she still decided that things outside of the home and family are far more important then what and who are here.  That was my straw. 

Maybe that answers your question.

At the very least I've been to therapy again with her, She's in therapy so we both have the skills to right ourselves individually.  Whether we do or not is our choice and for me There's no other choice.

Left

[OTH]

I am good. I work a traveling job and have moved on. I quit posting about 6 months ago and don't come around much anymore. Hope things work out for you. Tough to let go and move on but it has been better for me to do so.

Take Care