My new favorite saying is that it isn't about finding the right person, it's about becoming the right person.
The hard part, though, is knowing when you've become the right person.
I think that's why some of us heal a bunch, but still come here for support. Am I really ok? Am I making better choices? What does it mean to be normal? How does it feel to be whole?
About a year after my divorce, I went out with someone I met through mutual friends. Really nice guy, super attractive, had done a lot of deep healing. But he told me everything on our first date, about his awful relationship with his dad, his father molesting his sister. And he told me he had a temper, but had been in therapy for it, and had to quit drinking so he could keep it under control.
I look back now and realize that I was just learning how to believe in my own good sense. I just left a marriage with a guy who had a temper and drank a lot, and should have walked away from this guy after one date. But it took me 3 dates before I realized that I was done with this kind of fixer upper. Maybe he could be a friend, but definitely not a lover. And that was ok.
I like what Maybeso says about really loving and protecting yourself and your own values. You know what feels good. You really do -- if it doesn't feel good, trust that. Trust that you deserve to feel good and be treated well. Having high standards for yourself doesn't mean that you're going to be alone, it means that you're going to attract someone who treats you well.