Here's my new Fear

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Finally officially broke up with uBPDgf. This one is for real because there are no stipulations attached. The previous 16, yes I know it's pathetic, were always breaks or timeouts. This time I told her that I don't trust her and I know she doesn't trust me. We fought, she asked if I wanted to break up for good and I said yes. She said goodbye and immediately threw out everything I have her over the past 2 years and changed passwords on shared accounts. So it is def over.

Here's what I fear. In the past two weeks she started acting/fighting more like me. Was much calmer and used terms on me that I used in her. She was actually much more under control than me . i felt like it was a tole reversal. She's even admitted to me that she has been selfish at times, etc. We went no contact and then limited contact the oast month. in that time i think she met a new guy on facebook. if u look at my first post here u can read our background. There is no doubt that she is BPD or at the very least driven by all of the criteria.

What are the odds that I have actually alerted her to these issues and now she can move on to a great relationship with a new guy? I know u can't talk your way out of a mental disorder but can she now hide the issues I've addressed? She hates me with a passion now. I also have to work with her so this is gonna suck. I know I shouldn't care and eventually I won't but I can't help thinking she's gonna live happily ever after while I'm still scratching my head. Can't help feeling a bit jealous. What do you think? Does anyone know how their ex made out after your break?

[nyfit1]

Finally officially broke up with uBPDgf. This one is for real because there are no stipulations attached. The previous 16, yes I know it's pathetic, were always breaks or timeouts. This time I told her that I don't trust her and I know she doesn't trust me. We fought, she asked if I wanted to break up for good and I said yes. She said goodbye and immediately threw out everything I have her over the past 2 years and changed passwords on shared accounts. So it is def over.

Here's what I fear. In the past two weeks she started acting/fighting more like me. Was much calmer and used terms on me that I used in her. She was actually much more under control than me . i felt like it was a tole reversal. She's even admitted to me that she has been selfish at times, etc. We went no contact and then limited contact the oast month. in that time i think she met a new guy on facebook. if u look at my first post here u can read our background. There is no doubt that she is BPD or at the very least driven by all of the criteria.

What are the odds that I have actually alerted her to these issues and now she can move on to a great relationship with a new guy? I know u can't talk your way out of a mental disorder but can she now hide the issues I've addressed? She hates me with a passion now. I also have to work with her so this is gonna suck. I know I shouldn't care and eventually I won't but I can't help thinking she's gonna live happily ever after while I'm still scratching my head. Can't help feeling a bit jealous. What do you think? Does anyone know how their ex made out after your break?

[left4good]

Yeah I know how my ex made out.  Cheated on me, I found out, went to him when I split. He got her pregnant, cheated on her, she emotionally cheated on him, he left her for new chick and she recycled me.

Think about it like this: "no matter where you go, there you are"

You take who you are wherever you go. 

Theres no way to say if she'll be better for him. There's no way to say if she'll be better for herself. Either way if you two are done, its not your concern any longer. What your focus should be now is whether or not You're gonna be better for you.

I'll offer this.  PwBPD can and do change tactics to reach whatever goal they are seeking.  If she was trying to hide her hurt or reel in new guy or keep you in a triangle that could be an explanation for how and why she seemed to act differently.  Is she a different/better person suddenly, its doubtful. 

Left

[Perfidy]

They always want you think it your fault for the failure. It isn't. They always want you to think something about you isn't good enough. It is. The whole thing is and always will be about them. They do not display empathy. They are predatory by nature. Always looking to fill what is missing in them from someone else. So what if she is happy? Wouldn't you want that for her. Happiness is temporary. There will never be enough.

[Lao Tzu]

Hi Gang,

     This is a very common question on these boards, so if you look up some of the older postings via the search feature you can find quite a lot written on the subject.  The bottom line is what has already been said, though.  It ain't happening.  By the way, it's actually quite common for the pwBPD to fairly radically change when they start up a new r/s.  They are mirroring the new guy quite often.  If she's more rational, for whatever reason, it's a good thing for everyone.

LT

     

[Learning_curve74]

I'd bet a million dollars on double zero at the roulette wheel in Vegas before betting it on the chance your ex and her new bf live happily every after!

[seeking balance]

Here's what I fear. In the past two weeks she started acting/fighting more like me. Was much calmer and used terms on me that I used in her. She was actually much more under control than me .

pwBPD are masters at mirroring - no surprise she is using your words... . this is about as text book unstable sense of self example as I could think of - wouldn't you say?  Changing for desperate attempts at hanging on and then eventually pushing you away again.

What are the odds that I have actually alerted her to these issues and now she can move on to a great relationship with a new guy?

ZERO chance you have "alerted" her and she is now changed.

A new person brings new dynamics, so a relationship of longevity is not out of the question - but that has 100% nothing to do with you.

Right now, you are probably going to feel all kinds of emotions - think of it as your glimpse into the daily life of a pwBPD.  How you ACT is what is important right now.

Do you have good friends, a workout routine, other distractions to help you as your emotions process all this?

[WXYZ]

Does anyone know how their ex made out after your break?

Yes, I definitely know because I've had extensive discussions with her (exBPD) next 'victim'.

He is suffering terribly, hurting, confused, the whole worx. I've suggested to him to

come and join this site and learn as much as he possibly can in order to recover from

his horrible ordeal.

[Lao Tzu]

Ahhh, the advantages of being old.  Yes, I know exactly what happened after my pwBPD left me.  In fact, I have 30 years of (admittedly partial) data on that subject.  She had two children with her estranged husband, multiple affairs I know of, accused him repeatedly of having affairs (not true at all -- I know him), got divorced, has waged war against him to completely alienate the kids and break him financially (which actually escalated dramatically when, after several years of divorce, he remarried and dared to actually have another kid),  where was I?... . ah yes, she married her boss after an affair with him, divorced him and took a lot of alimoney after he supposedly had an affair (I don't know him, but I doubt it seriously), changed jobs 5 times, left the industry she was in rather suddenly, was fired from one job after pulling what was described to me as "a Sharon Stone" while wearing fishnet stockings and no underwear at an official newsconference  , had three (!) handlers at a previous job who were assigned just to keep her from raging uncontrollably at underlings, had serious alcohol abuse, ... . etc, etc.  Oh, and I found pictures of her on a sex site on the internet (how could I forget that!).  And by the way, this is a very high functioning pwBPD with multiple Ivy League degrees and a variety of YouTube videos devoted to capturing her words in various speeches she has given. 

     Now, I have only included the things I believe completely for a variety of reasons or have objective data on.  I haven't added the near nightly cruising in a college town for young guys who like the 'cougar' thing (she's still extremely pretty).  Should I go on?  No?  I agree; suffice it to say that these folks don't do at all well and even the very brightest among them don't suddenly get better (or even not-so-suddenly, as 30 years isn't exactly sudden).  She still thinks in exactly the same way she always did "soul mates" and "other half" bullcr@p, etc.  I'm a different person now, but she's still the same ill person she always was.

LT