What a life (if you can call it that)

[Moonie75]

I spent a lot of time these last 24hrs reading about 'wise mind' & mindfulness etc. It did me a lot of good, in fact, an incredible amount of good.

I sat tonight & went over things which have been said verbally or text'd to me during 'bursts' in recent months as our last attempt was failing. (we agreed at the start it would be / needed to be our last go). Here's just some of what I took to be hurtful attacks & insults, but now suspect was her subconscious projections telling me what it's like to feel how she feels every single day! (she's very high functioning)

"you've never loved anybody, not properly"

"you'll realize pretty quick you f***ed up the best loving partner you ever had"

"You're just a little boy trying to manage a grown up body in a grown up world, and it doesn't go well"

"you know you've got issues but you just can't/won't admit it"

"your childhood has effected how you deal with our problems"

"everything's black & white with you, you can't see anything else"

"you won't open up"

"you cannot commit to a loving relationship even when you've got a partner that adores you"

"you can't keep treating me like cr@p & expect me to stay forever"

And there's plenty more. I just can't imagine how a human being gets through the day believing all that about themselves. And furthermore, has the added pressure of keeping it under wraps from the rest of the world (an achievement you can't deny, whether you like it or not).

I'm going to stick my neck out here... . If I couldn't sympathize with that living hell to navigate your mind through every single day, I'd have to admit I never loved her at all!

If I carried all that through my everyday, believing that's all I am, I'd be an angry, confused, messed up b*stard as well, and maybe worse!

[Moonie75]

I can't fix any of that for her. That's her work.

My next task is fixing ME! But I genuinely hope that somewhere in the next 35 years she seeks the help to forgive herself for the 35 years she's already had destroyed by her unnecessary childhood 'shame'.

[Perfidy]

Yeah... . I used to get the condescending remarks about how I felt too. I had a standard answer for that. I would tell her that she could talk about her feelings all she wanted but she wasn't qualified to talk about mine. Words to her were like water off a duck. I realized I was talking to my self and communication did not happen. That seems to be a phenomena with BPD. The words mean nothing. The actions tell the whole story and you are left to figure everything out on your own. I'm sure it is all part of the facade.

[Learning_curve74]

And there's plenty more. I just can't imagine how a human being gets through the day believing all that about themselves.

Wow! That looks like a crazy amount of projection. Trying to put all her own problems on you!

[Surnia]

  moonie

I'm going to stick my neck out here... .

What will help you doing so?