Bad night

[moonunit]

Last night was a bad night, it started the previous day and cumulated last night. We were/are both exhausted, SO kept bringing up past hurts, and on top of that was internally dealing with yet another screwup on her part financially. She had been trying to direct all the blame on me and i was trying to deflect it back to where it belongs. Iguess i did a poor job of it because she snapped, i got up and said i am leaving pls don't hit me, as i walked out she threw a few punches and kicks and one landed on my hand an near broke a finger. I left the room, then returned in a sec. and it continued except this time i pushed back and took a couple of swings. Her oldest son came running and i was trying to get out but she had grabbed my shirt/sweater and was kicking and i was yelling at her to let go - he broke it up and i left immediately, i turned off my cell phone because i had had enough. I then went to watch her D have a soccer practice with her brother, it was a very good way to wind down after that scene.

I have debated and have been scared about going to Al-anon, this was the last straw and i am going next week. I told her later that night that i have problems and i need help and that i will going to the meeting next week to get help for myself. SHe flipped, said that if i do we were done, i would never see her daughter again nor would she ever talk to me and that she was going  to tell all my friends what kind of person i am. She then accused me of being a drup addict and that my mom and brother are both alcoholics and drug addicts. She then called me back and left a message ( i stopped answering the calls at this point ) that she had called all the Al-non locations in a 80mile radius to warn them about me and my problemsand that the only reason i was going to to pick up vulnerable women and that i wsa a drug addict and had family problems. The drug addict is because i took a couple of sleeping pills last night to help me slpeep after all the crap i had been dealing with.  I need help and its time that i go out and get it, this is about me NOT about her or her problems. Wish me luck       

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Cloudy Days]

That's some pretty intense stuff. All I have to say is that my husband really doesn't like it that I am getting treatment. I am seeing a therapist for the first time in my life and man does he try to get me to stop. His mother started seeing a therapist before she left his father. It also doesn't help that his therapist keeps telling him to leave me and also has told him many times that my therapist is going to put the notion in my head to leave him. So I can see why he throws his fits about it and it's pretty easy to validate. I do have to say, I don't think your wife called anyone. If she is anything like my husband, he makes lots of fake statements to get me going.

[moonunit]

She most likely did not call anyone, especially in her mental frame of mind last night, she also left in a message that if i did not answer her call in a minute she was taking a cab to the soccer practice to get me - off course this never happened, much like the phone calls.

Today we are talking and she is much much more calmer, i brought up the Al-anon meeting and i stressed and i mean stressed that this is for my benefit, it is not a witch hunt and that i hit rock bottom last night and i need to never be in that situation again. I told her i am in need of help, i can't afford to go get professional help, so i am going to give them a try, if it means i can improve our r/s and that of your kids and everyone around me that i care about then to me that would be  a good thing. I do believe she understands a bit better today.