what keep ppl here?

[Depression = 72% of members]

 I know im here because these few months of learning and healing have helped me but im not past it all yet.

wondering if other how have been here over a year are here because

still healing?

recycling pulls them back in?

helping others?

just wondering what holds ppl here?

[simplyasiam]

 I know im here because these few months of learning and healing have helped me but im not past it all yet.

wondering if other how have been here over a year are here because

still healing?

recycling pulls them back in?

helping others?

just wondering what holds ppl here?

[Perfidy]

SA I am here because I keep seeing my feelings stated by others time and time again. I identify. I try to learn. Change how I think and behave. I don't want to suffer.

[laelle]

I am here because it helps me to stay in touch with me.  This forum not only helps with healing, but also self growth.  If it were not for here, I would still be blaming myself therefore leaving myself open for either a recycle or another relationship with the same set up.  When I am low, I have a great support group here.  I am 5 month after my last recycle, but I have been on this website for over 2 years.  I started out on the staying board, learning the tools, and eventually decided that I prefer a life of happiness rather than a life of constant chaos.  I am sure he felt the same.  It was a complicated situation on top of his BPD.  I had my issues as well.

I am growing, and I like it, and I like me.  A man in my life is a compliment to me, not a need.  Love doesnt stop at the end of the honeymoon period, that is when it is just starting.  Someone with BPD leaves when the honeymoon is over or constantly looks for another person to honeymoon with while in a relationship.

I deserve more than that.

 Laelle

[seeking balance]

I am here as a reminder of where I don't want to go again in a romantic relationship.  It keeps fresh the patterns of behavior that are healthy, it keeps me grounded in my own healthy disciplines.  I have dated and broken up with someone who started showing clingy, inconsistent patterns after about a month - thanks to these boards, I can see red flags and choose differently.

My FOO has BPD traits and I chose to be in contact with them - as such, the boards keep me detached and grounded.  I can stay focused on BPD facts and when my buttons are pushed not reacting, staying mindful.

Like all things in life - moderation - I take breaks too.

I find this a healthy coping for me when stressed or bored and I also now have an insane body of knowledge about PD's that somebody should benefit from 

[Blaise]

I fully agree with Laelle. This site is a great support when I am low. It still happens. But I am growing too, like this phase -- even do not want it to end -- because I feel I am a better man and, somehow, feel like I have just become adult emotionally although I am almost 40. This enables me to offer support to others who might be struggling and not yet have reached the stage where you can look at yourself (I too had my issues).

I looked at my past relationship and realized that I confused need and love and, like my dBPDexgf, never had a r/s that developped into true love after the honeymoon phase. And I realized that this was because of me, my own issues ... . and hence the partners I chose. I am excited to feel that I have the strength in me to be independent and autonomous and that I will meet, I just do not know when but it does not scare me, a woman who will be a complement.

I think it is an act of love, perhaps the highest, to let go our pwBPD. It is selfish to try and keep them in a r/s that is not good for either partners. They also suffered from our own issues. I feel compassion for her and hope that she will have the happy life that anyone deserves.

[talithacumi]

I am still here to remember - to undo what was done - to help myself replace the fantasy/illusion I lived with/believed for over 12+ years with the truth as explained, written, and shared over and over again on these boards.

[Dire Wolf]

I like knowing that I am not alone.

I like reading the stories that help remind me that no matter what she says, my uBPDxw is truly a troubled person that owns her problems. Not me.

I like chiming in occasionally to help others with my thoughts on what I have experienced.

I like reading the positive stories of people who emerge.

It is a dark, confusing and lonely place to have a serious relationship with a BPD. This helps me stay tuned in so I never, ever get sucked into the madness again.

[MaybeSo]

I like the support and I like the people here. Big thinkers. Good writers. Supportive. Interesting. It's all good.

[Ittookthislong]

because the relationship was an addiction, and your brain wants to think about it constantly.

being here seems like a good middle ground. like a methadone clinic for nons. where you can accept things in an environment where other people know your hurting (in withdrawl).

i read that these experiences (lovebombing) changes brain chemistry and it takes about 2 years for your brain to get back to what it was. that sounds discouraging but when i read that i was thrilled. i literally thought i was changed for good. no hope. so im waiting for that 2 year mark, and in the meantime if my brain insists on dwelling on it anyway, i may as well be here sharing my thoughts and not around people who dont understand.

[Phoenix.Rising]

Support and recovery for me is an ongoing process.  I  do not ever arrive.  Therefore, I keep searching and posting and listening and offering back.  A lot of what I've been doing lately is giving back what I've been given. 

But I'm feeling kind of empty again, and probably need to take some good stuff in. What a lot of people don't realize initially is that we end up in these relationships due to behaviors that we've cultivated in our own lives over long periods of time, initially learned in our FOO.  These behaviors and thought patterns do not go away over night.  For me, it requires regular introspection in order to find the strength and willingness to do something different.  Otherwise, I will keep ending up in similar situations.  We are sick and injured, too.  It's not all about the pwBPD.

[Grey Kitty]

Good question!

• The level of support I find and see in this community is simply amazing



• I really appreciate the wise, compassionate and generous members here



• I've learned some very powerful lessons here, and like paying it forward



• I've still got some lessons to learn, and need for support, and I've found it here. These days, this is more occasional than regular.



• Either helping others or just reading stories reminds me of what I've learned helps me maintain my independence and boundaries



•  Sometimes I find myself alone and needing a way to occupy myself. When I come here, I feel better about it than just going to facebook, etc. This still is somewhat of a cop-out instead of finding (other) things I'm passionate about in my life.

My activity level here fluctuates quite a bit, as needs and obligations in my life ebb and flow.

[clairedair]

I've been around the boards for a few years on and off - mainly on Staying and Undecided when going through the breakup/makeup cycles

and now mainly Leaving and some Taking Personal Inventory.

Main reasons still here:

Validation of my feelings and experiences

Support for healing

Lessons about boundaries

Further out of the FOG I get, the more upset/angry with myself I am that I stayed in it for so long - coming here reminds me I am not alone in accepting what I accepted but also encourages me to look beyond the anger/hurt and learn some healing lessons/reflect on my own behaviours.  Plus, people here 'get it' in a way that close friends and family can't. There are some amazing folks here who won't know how much their words have meant at certain times.

I have periods when I am here a lot and when I am not.  Nothing personal, but I hope to get to a stage where I'm not here at all (except to post that I am living a healthy, fulfilling life  ).

[MammaMia]

I am here because I love my dBPDs and want to have the best relationship I can with him.

The educational materials and rock-solid, and advice/discussions from members are honest and truthful.   There are many, many years of experience by the staff.

The support we receive on our bad days is superb, and the support we give to others on our good days is valued and appreciated. 

This is a safe place to vent our frustrations because it is the only place I have found that seems to really understand BPD and how it affects everyone around it.

There is respect, compassion, kindness and even firmness when needed, but no sarcasm or ridicule.

This website is a safe place in a storm that never ends.  It has saved my sanity.

Lastly but perhaps most importantly, we are family.