Does this count as contact

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey everyone, NC for 5 months now.  She was the one who ended the 3 year r/s.  Haven't seen, heard from, no calls, no texts, nothing.  Her birthday came and went.  Although I felt as if I should wish her a happy birthday, it was a feeling of guilt.  The end of the relationship was me feeling obligated or having to do things out of guilt.  I don't want that any more.  So I stuck to no contact.  It was my Birthday recently and the day before I received a notification.  The notification was from a game on my phone that I had not played in almost a year.  It's the one where you draw something and the other person you're playing with guesses the word.  I received a notification saying she drew something and for me to play along and solve it.  Is this her reaching out?  My feelings were of anger when I received it.  How juvenile of an attempt if anything.  I refuse to open it and look at it, must stay no contact.  I swear I saw her in my work parking lot day of my birthday.  Who ever it was had the same build and hair, but she had big sunglasses on and was in a different car just sitting out in the lot.  Too far away to tell for sure.  I was the only one walking out of the building, she was in the car just looking at me, did a little wave at me over the steering wheel, and drove off.  This car has not been in my work lot since.  I think I'm just paranoid, .  Anyways wanted the thoughts and support from all the amazing members here.  I over think things a lot, but I remain NC.  Why stay in touch with someone who said they wanted to marry you, have children, I'm their soul mate, wants to grow old together, and said I'm their other half and then disappears with two red tail lights in the distance. Next up is our anniversary.

[jollygreen]

Hey everyone, NC for 5 months now.  She was the one who ended the 3 year r/s.  Haven't seen, heard from, no calls, no texts, nothing.  Her birthday came and went.  Although I felt as if I should wish her a happy birthday, it was a feeling of guilt.  The end of the relationship was me feeling obligated or having to do things out of guilt.  I don't want that any more.  So I stuck to no contact.  It was my Birthday recently and the day before I received a notification.  The notification was from a game on my phone that I had not played in almost a year.  It's the one where you draw something and the other person you're playing with guesses the word.  I received a notification saying she drew something and for me to play along and solve it.  Is this her reaching out?  My feelings were of anger when I received it.  How juvenile of an attempt if anything.  I refuse to open it and look at it, must stay no contact.  I swear I saw her in my work parking lot day of my birthday.  Who ever it was had the same build and hair, but she had big sunglasses on and was in a different car just sitting out in the lot.  Too far away to tell for sure.  I was the only one walking out of the building, she was in the car just looking at me, did a little wave at me over the steering wheel, and drove off.  This car has not been in my work lot since.  I think I'm just paranoid, .  Anyways wanted the thoughts and support from all the amazing members here.  I over think things a lot, but I remain NC.  Why stay in touch with someone who said they wanted to marry you, have children, I'm their soul mate, wants to grow old together, and said I'm their other half and then disappears with two red tail lights in the distance. Next up is our anniversary.

[seeking balance]

  I think I'm just paranoid, .  Anyways wanted the thoughts and support from all the amazing members here.  I over think things a lot, but I remain NC. 

It is normal that things like bdays or someone with similar features makes us think of our exes.  NC is a tool, simply to detach... . it is not designed as the goal - the goal is indifference.

Since NC is doing you good - by all means keep it up.  I don't think you have broken NC, but the only one that matters is what you think.

Do you feel ok with you, your actions, and your emotions?

[Ironmanrises]

Jollygreen,

That was an attempted contact from her.

Notice it was right before her birthday... .

Perhaps testing the water to see if you respond(what better and "seemingly" more non threatening way to do that then with that drawing game you speak of)... .

You didnt respond.

NC still intact by your side.

Chances of her doing that again... . High.

Do not lower that gate of NC.

It has to remain closed.

I got a text disguised as spam 2 weeks after my exUBDgf left me for 2nd time... .

She lives several states away.

Area codes match.

I google the number... .

Webpage that found it shows exact origin of that number... .

Origin was 3 blocks from her house address.

No one else there has my number, except her.

It was sent in the disguise of spam.

Almost tricked me.

I didnt respond.

Why did she do that?

She has a disorder... . And probably to see if i changed my number.

A pattern of behavior that repeats.

I have to remain NC.

[Moonie75]

I believe (when the time's right for THEM) they very subtly plant themselves in your mind. My thoughts are this might be because they're too emotionally fragile & ashamed to cope with a rejection if they just tried normal contact.

behavior may vary slightly from one to another but I think overall re-engaging generally starts with these subtle stunts. If we seem receptive they're then able to have more confidence they won't be rejected if the next contact is a little more direct. These subtle moments enable them to gauge how 'safe' things are.

Only my view & others will have their own ideas I'm sure.

[Ironmanrises]

I believe (when the time's right for THEM) they very subtly plant themselves in your mind. My thoughts are this might be because they're too emotionally fragile & ashamed to cope with a rejection if they just tried normal contact.

behavior may vary slightly from one to another but I think overall re-engaging generally starts with these subtle stunts. If we seem receptive they're then able to have more confidence they won't be rejected if the next contact is a little more direct. These subtle moments enable them to gauge how 'safe' things are.

Only my view & others will have their own ideas I'm sure.

Everything in bold.

That.

To plant the seed of your destruction if you let them back in.

That is what will happen.

So maddening.

Spot on moonie.

[DetroitDame]

I believe (when the time's right for THEM) they very subtly plant themselves in your mind. My thoughts are this might be because they're too emotionally fragile & ashamed to cope with a rejection if they just tried normal contact.

behavior may vary slightly from one to another but I think overall re-engaging generally starts with these subtle stunts. If we seem receptive they're then able to have more confidence they won't be rejected if the next contact is a little more direct. These subtle moments enable them to gauge how 'safe' things are.

Only my view & others will have their own ideas I'm sure.

I think you are correct about this.  I had a similar assumption that this is what is going on with the bizarre contacts.  Thanks for sharing, this confirms my belief!

[jollygreen]

Seeking Balance - thanks, NC has helped a lot. I used to have that desire to at least hear a little something from her. Now the thought of any contact just makes me mad to where I don't even want anything or care for that matter. All of my past normal relationships went through no contact so just sticking to my guns I guess.

Moonie - thanks for your insight, I didn't think of it that way. It makes total sense about the shame and rejection in relation to BPD. Kind of was sad to imagine those are the feelings she may in fact be having. I feel like I have a better understanding now.

Ironman - I laughed reading your seeds of destruction comment! Is it bad to think of it that way? I think it's important to have that mind set because it protects and prevents us from repeating and hurting ourselves again.

[Ironmanrises]

Jollygreen,

I wrote that because the inevitable outcome will occur... .

Once devaluation is triggered... .

You will get hurt in the end.

That is what happened to me.

Had i not let her back into my life... .

To plant that seed... .

I wouldnt be here repairing a ton of damage.

I cannot undo that... .

So i have to make sure that a third time... .

Will not occur.

[Trick1004]

I swear I saw her in my work parking lot day of my birthday.  Who ever it was had the same build and hair, but she had big sunglasses on and was in a different car just sitting out in the lot.  Too far away to tell for sure.  I was the only one walking out of the building, she was in the car just looking at me, did a little wave at me over the steering wheel, and drove off.  This car has not been in my work lot since.  I think I'm just paranoid, .  Anyways wanted the thoughts and support from all the amazing members here.  I over think things a lot, but I remain NC.  Why stay in touch with someone who said they wanted to marry you, have children, I'm their soul mate, wants to grow old together, and said I'm their other half and then disappears with two red tail lights in the distance. Next up is our anniversary.

Congrats on staying NC. I had a somewhat similar experience a couple weeks ago. I am a light sleeper and around four in the morning I heard the doorbell ring twice. I was like What the heck, not really thinking who it might be. I got up went to the front door, turned on the outside light, and looked out the peephole in the door. I swear I saw a person (who vaguely looked like my ex, but it's hard to tell with those door peepholes) standing outside. I unlocked and opened the door and no one was there.

My brother thinks I either dreamed the whole thing or I was half-asleep when I opened the door and there was no one there to begin with. I am convinced it was my ex and she ran off while I was in the process of unlocking the door, either because the feelings were too much for her to deal with or she wanted to see if I would chase her down or maybe just wanted to f with me. She had a habit of showing up at my apartment drunk in the early morning hours after the bars shut down throughout our r/s before we moved in together.

I just closed the door and went back to bed. Very weird though.