****VERY LONG READ (Sorry)****
So on Saturday, Sept 07 I came here after a full 24 hours of successful NC with my diagnosed BPD ex-girlfriend of 3 years and made an intro post... .optimistic as heck that I was done and could follow through, though I already had reservations about my success for the next day. Just for reference, I am currently living in Ohio and she left here to go to Georgia on August 5.
The next day, it happened. Although I had blocked all her calls, text, un-friended on FB, etc... .I had neglected to un-follow her on Instagram. I saw that she had posted a new pic, and she was flirting with someone who had become the latest point of contention in our relationship. This un-did me.
I waited a few hours but eventually I caved and called her. Surprisingly, she answered and we talked all night until we both fell asleep around 2 AM. I was able to talk to her calmly without invoking any bad emotions in either of us - easy for me because I had already begun emotionally detaching (or so I thought).
During the conversation that night I guess she painted me white again because she called early Monday saying she couldn't go to work because she had too much to drink and didn't feel well. I asked her what made her call me that morning and she said it was because I talked to her like a person the night before. We got off the phone around 11:45 am so that she could call into work and tell them she wouldnt be coming.
I didn't hear from her anymore so after a few hours I sent her a few texts and FB messages just to check to see if she was ok. She sent back very short replies and through the FB messages I could see where she was located. Nothing serious there. Around 6 pm she called so that I could speak to her kids after she picked them up from an aunt's house (they live with their dad) and before she took them out for ice cream. Since I knew what side of town she was going to be on, I begged her not to see the person that she had been flirting with on Instagram. Her reply: "I swear I'm not baby."
A couple of hours later, she called me and she was clearly drunk. I asked her where she was and she said she was sitting in her parents' neighborhood drinking, which I knew to be a good 45 minutes on the other side of town from where she had been with her children and also where Mr. Instagram-guy lives. At some point the conversation started turning contentious because i was annoyed she was drunk and that she claimed to have picked up vodka immediately after dropping off her children and drank it while driving to her parents' house. I said to her "What if you get a DUI?" The she started getting belligerent and telling me that I don't care about her, etc... .after which she hung up the phone in my face and refused to answer anymore of my subsequent back-to-back calls. In between calls, I would also text and I received nothing. No call, no text reply.
1 hour and 15 minutes later after rejecting another call from me, she replied via text "Sorry, I am busy. Call back later." Exactly 6 minutes after that I receive a call FROM HER... .she's in the county jail about to get booked for DUI. I thought it was a joke or an excuse so that she could spend the evening with the Instagram guy, but she let me talk to the arresting officer to assure me that it was not. I asked where she was and guess what? She was still on Instagram-guy's side of town! Talk about furious!
She gave me a phone number so that I could TEXT her step-mother the issue. She already knew that they were not going to come bail her out
so she insisted that I text. I told her no, I'm going to call, and I knew at that moment she regretted giving me the number.
The step-mother and I talked for hours. Everything my gf had ever told me was a lie. EVERYTHING. She has no job. She didnt graduate from college (much less, high school... .and mom doesnt know if she even finished the GED program she was in), she lied about how her kids were conceived... .EVERYTHING. After that conversation, I emotionally detached from the "romantic" relationship. I saw that the Instagram guy was asking on his FB page if anyone knew someone in the police department, so I figured she must have contacted him. A couple of hours later, she called me collect and I told her that I saw she contacted Instagram guy so he'll take care of everything... .I'm done. She swore she hadn't contacted him and that he just happened to see her getting arrested. She started begging me to come get her and asking if she could return to Ohio. "Why would I let you come back up here? So you can keep doing the same stuff?" We hung up and I ended up calling a bail bondsman just to see how much it was and what the process was for my own knowledge - not to do anything since Mr. Instagram-guy was already on the case. Lo and behold the bailbondsman says "Oh yeah... .her boyfriend just came up here to bail her out but it's a cash-only bond so he has to go to the jail to do it." I immediately started laughing.
When she called back again at noon on Tuesday, I gave her the updated status according to the online jail records - that her boyfriend (I KEPT throwing that at her and she KEPT insisting that he is not) paid the bond. She just hadn't been released yet. She continued begging for me to let her come back to me. The answer was still No. She had asked me to get in contact with Instagram-guy to find out what the status of everything was but it was hard because he has me blocked on everything (as if I did anything to him). She eventually gave me the correct password to her Instagram so I was able to tell him to call me (on my work-issued cell phone, of course) and we chatted briefly.
She finally got out and Instagram-guy went to pick her up so instead of calling me, she texted me to continue her begging. She said she told him that she was not going to be with him (which I have been begging her to do for a month!) and that she was leaving Georgia to come back to Ohio. I replied "I'm tired. I'm tired of texting, tired of being lied to... .tired. I don't know why you're trying to leave because you will have court dates and stuff so you may as well stay there where y'all (she and Instagram-guy) wanted you to be." We exchanged a few more short texts (a lot of them I didnt bother to reply to) and I could tell she was upset that I wasn't caving. Finally I basically told her that it was all a choice and this is what she chose. I told her I was cordial to her boyfriend and that I didnt tell him anything that she had ever told me about him as to not disrupt anything between them.
Later that night (Tuesday), she called me after she got back to her parents' house and talked to her step-mom. Her step-mom texted me and told me that she didnt confront her about anything we had talked about... .I couldnt let it go that easily. I was cordial and calm to ex-gf and finally I asked her about work. First she said she is working... .then she amended it 30 seconds later to say that she was working when she first got down there, but then she got fired because she couldnt get up in the morning. (That means she never worked). Then the following exchange happens:
Me: "Tell me something else I don't know"
Her: <Silence>
Me: Hello?
Her: "I'm trying to think of something"
Me:":)id you graduate from Georgia State?" (This is something I've asked her TONS of times before and she always got mad because I Didnt believe her)
Her: *emphatically*"Yes! You can ask my mom!"
Me: "I already did."
Her: *silence and then* "What did yall talk about last night?"
Me: "A lot"
Her: *angrily* "I'm gonna go... ." *hangs up*
So as of today (Thursday) she's still pissed because she thinks I went behind her back and fished for information. That was not my intent. She had told me over and over since she's been back in Georgia that she told her step-mom about her BPD diagnosis. It was a lie and that was how the whole other part of the conversation between her mom and I began. Ex-gf is pissed but at the same time, she wants to try to be nice so I will take her back and let her mooch off me again. I did answer all her calls yesterday (Wednesday) and was very nice, but my stance was the same. She called me to look up AA meetings, low-cost counselors, and locate the DMV so she can try to get a GA ID card since her license was seized so she can find a part-time job near her parents' house ... .all of which I willingly did. I told her that she did a good job in concluding what she needed to do and she was taking all the right steps. But by the end of the night she ultimately got mad because I still had not caved in to her and given her another chance in our romantic relationship like I always had in the past. Today is no different. She is now seeing the world as doom and gloom again because she can't get her state ID without her birth certificate (She was born abroad and her ex-husband will not communicate with her to send her the copies he has). She still feels like she's so alone in this, nobody is helping her, and she ended today's phone conversation by saying 'F--- you' and hanging up.
EVERYONE in her life is fed up with her and I thought she was at least opening up to me and telling me the truth when she was getting emotional about things... .but even THAT was manipulation! EVERYONE is tired of her, except Mr. Instagram-guy but he will soon live the same nightmare so many of us have with her. She's is an absolutely stunningly gorgeous woman and everyone wants to just know her if that's all they can get. But her BS isn't worth it to me. That's it. I'm done. The end. She got wayyyyyyyyy too many chances and she messed every single one up.
*sigh* I'm going to the gym.
