Made a timeline

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So my history is complicated, and that puts it mildly. (As far as I can tell I'm the only one on the planet with my name and background. And I looked. There is only one other person with my name in the history of the world as far as I can see.) Most of it, I estimate didn't come from me, it's from general family drama... .

In order to make it more manageable for my therapist, I decided to make a timeline, which made me self-realize a lot of things.

For instance, I didn't realize I'd experienced 4 deaths in the last 10 years and often at times when I couldn't deal with them. Plus all the extra drama on top of it, it's kinda surprising I didn't end up with permanent anxiety/depression and rather it's touch and go.

I'd dealt with the deaths individually at the time, but seeing it laid out like that next to the other events, it kinda makes sense.

Not sure if this would help anyone else out, but it really helped me with what I was ignoring.

[DesertChild]

So my history is complicated, and that puts it mildly. (As far as I can tell I'm the only one on the planet with my name and background. And I looked. There is only one other person with my name in the history of the world as far as I can see.) Most of it, I estimate didn't come from me, it's from general family drama... .

In order to make it more manageable for my therapist, I decided to make a timeline, which made me self-realize a lot of things.

For instance, I didn't realize I'd experienced 4 deaths in the last 10 years and often at times when I couldn't deal with them. Plus all the extra drama on top of it, it's kinda surprising I didn't end up with permanent anxiety/depression and rather it's touch and go.

I'd dealt with the deaths individually at the time, but seeing it laid out like that next to the other events, it kinda makes sense.

Not sure if this would help anyone else out, but it really helped me with what I was ignoring.

[simplyasiam]

i know what your say child at times i think of what if dealing with for the past 11 years and it to much i have to just deal with whats at hand just to keep living.

a week before i truned 30 i fell ill with IBS my 1st round with it was life changing couldnt work eat sleep stress off the chart lost 100lbs in 6 months took 15 months to get back to work. at 33 my ex wife left me for a man she met online almost unheared of at that time. spent a year dealing with that lost my home lost contact with my kids went to jail two time lost my company lived with my mom. spent 6 months getting my life in order became ok with myself learned to live again told my self i would never lose everything again . then fell into this r/s have been cheated on so manytimes i cant think of all them been left more than that. seen her try and take her life 3 or 4 times in the past 6 years. im so use to drama and stress couldnt live without for the longest time.

[Clearmind]

Great exercise. Dealing with deaths is very individual. Did you feel you grieved?

What others things are on your timeline? Did you delve back before 10 years?

[DesertChild]

I went 0-present and the only time it looks like I ever got a real break from drama of family was for a few months when I was about 20 years old. About the only time I felt free and happy. Also had a steady job, was making a decent wage in a job that I liked doing.

As for grieving, I think at some point I realized I'm really bad at facing it.

The first death interfered with my college life the first time and I became a punching bag for everyone else's grief. (Habit trumps new boundaries) My uBPDm took it out on me. Also took the opportunity to waif, so my own grief was overwritten by hers, which she pretty much declared was more important.

The second death I was really sad about the entire thing. Hit really hard, but again, my mom used this death to find new ways to attack me. Including calling me every five minutes. I was able to go to the funeral, but I got hell for that. My mom spent the entire time pretending she was all right. She wasn't sad over this death, even though they'd put off the burial of the ashes for a year and a half. (Making me more distressed than her). And then when me and my second cousin were burying the ashes, she went nuts, saying that we didn't have to do that, literally screaming at a point. She was already taking it out on me, but then took it out on me even more while pretending she was just fine with everything.

Third death was someone I really liked, but got to go her her funeral. I think I had a better close to that. uBPDm wasn't involved at all. I made peace.

Fourth death was the hardest and I don't think I got to finish grieving because I couldn't go to the funeral since uBPDm was there. I couldn't get to properly say goodbye because uBPDm was around always and I don't need feelings of grief and death, trying to manage while my mom is back swiping me with everything she has, throwing tantrums. I don't have emotional strength to set boundaries properly yet, (well against that), plus deal with grief, plus deal with a tantrum. I knew that, but I still feel guilty over it. I asked them to invite the dead person's son... .and they were all wishy washy about it. I said he should at least be informed. (Long story, don't ask, and yes, I still think he has a right to know considering the circumstances).

Fourth Death frankly makes me not want to be around uBPDm at all. 'cause Fourth Death was the last reliable dam against my mom. I even avoid going anywhere near that area, she's that much of a pain to deal with. (And my Aunt might tell them. I'm still working on that boundary a bit.)

The other events I'm talking to a therapist about 'cause they don't really belong on this board. Also, kinda if I reveal them, it would endanger the anonymity a bit... .and I rather keep that. I've been careful so far.

But what the timeline tells me is I really didn't get much of a break or time for myself, though I always desperately wanted it. Some of it is my doing, but the majority I see as trickle down from previous generations just visiting me in a cosmic projection spiral that I'm attempting to stop with me. I want this to be the last generation this visits (as in I control myself, but not others and can come to understand that).