crazy lawsuits?

[suffering_parent]

Anyone else ever faced being sued by their BPD partners for something other than divorce/custody?

My wife is probably crazier then most.    She is attempting to take me to court for human rights violations.    She is claiming financial abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse.    Last time she was here she raged at me I was going to jail after she is done and would owe her so much money.   She would be driving a lambo soon!    I have nothing, but debt from her!

Of course none of it is even remotely true on my part, but really she did all those things to me!   I know the splitting book said they would file a lot of suits, but this seems a bit extreme.

She is in Canada and they are providing her 2 free lawyers.   I am really surprised they can't see through all the craziness.   I will be out of money after custody/divorce.   So if she is able to file it I may have to defend myself.   It is a scary thought.

[Waddams]

I feel your pain, man.

My ex-wife sued me for giving my son an occasional poptart and twinkie, letting him play kid rated video games, and not putting him to bed at the time she wanted me to. Poptarts and twinkies were named in the papers I was served, as well as "Radioactive Teddy Bear Zombies".  It also specifically said "... .refuses to put child to bed at time specified by mother... .". 

My lawyer laughed her rear off when she read it.  I wasn't laughing about the legal fees though.

She settled before going in front of the judge.  Looking back, I should have made her go in front of the judge and argue it.  Would have been a hoot.

[momtara]

Well, that's creative.

[Rewards2]

My stbxw was ranting about the same things: Women's Rights, Human Rights, etc. this past Sunday when I dropped off the kids.

"Normal" bahavior for someone with BPD?

Now I try to have as little contact as possible with her. That is by far the healthiest for me.

Why can't she just disappear? Move away? Something!

[Aussie0zborn]

We have a court case seeking restraining orders.  The court directed each of us to file statements by certain dates - hers was last week which she did and mine was today.  Another lawyer she's hired rang me today on another matter and made me an offer. I offered her the same thing in return. He said I was being obstructive and threatened legal action. 

She's hired this new lawyer to resurrect our passive income stream which she hijacked and diverted our money to her personal bank account rather than our mortgage account. I put the brakes on that income and now she can't maintain her lifestyle and run the house.

Well, what did she do today? She filed MORE statements without the court directing her to do so. She claims all sorts of abuse... .sexual, spiritual, plying her with alcohol to perform lewd sex acts on me as well as strangers. This is the woman who drinks like there is no tomorrow, flirts like crazy, always had a guy hovering and has had way too many sexual partners. The new guy now claims I assaulted him wheras he never said that before.

What a messy court case this is going to be. The court has to rule on six applications for restraining orders and now we have new last minute claims of sexual abuse just to add to the craziness. It just never ends, does it?

[suffering_parent]

Thanks Aussie I feel better now that is some serious crazy!   It can always be worse I guess.

At some point you think the courts would just tell them to go away.

[Waddams]

Others here can probably fill in with better details, but I think there is a way to have someone classified so they can only file cases after being approved by a judge or something.  At least in some places.  There's a name for it, but I forget what it is.

[ForeverDad]

The most extreme classification is vexatious litigant - but that happens very rarely.  However, there ought to be some way to handle the nuisance claims, often that's why a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) or Parenting Coordinator (PC) is assigned, to be a buffer for the court.  Perhaps the court can order a framework or mechanism to handle issues before they're permitted to proceed to court.

[suffering_parent]

My case is complex because of two countries involved.   Wife fled back to Canada where she is from.   Custody hearings is here in the USA.   She is filing all this other crap in Canada.   Also challenging jurisdiction up there.   We moved back here 10 months ago from Canada.   Six months is the jurisdictional condition.   I have proof we bought a house, uhaul records, and imported our van.   She is nuts claiming we never intended to move here.

[ForeverDad]

As past members have noted, there's a saying or a song which goes, "All my ex's lived in Texas" - meaning it's usually simplest to reside in Texas for at least 6 months and file there.

And she's making that claim because no one will stop her from making it, it's up to you to respond with the facts.

[Free One]

Suffering - Just to clarify, you and your wife are still married? Is a divorce in process with the custody hearings?

[suffering_parent]

No divorce so far.   I filed for custody after she took off.   Not the first time she split, but I am fed up with it.   She always would take the kids with her when she split.   Used them as pawns to manipulate me.   So this time I had enough and filed for emergency custody and got it.   She is super pissed about it and I am painted blacker then black.

So now she is attempting to sue me for human rights violations, spirtual freedom violations, and on and on.   She said she was filing for divorce and had the paperwork ready.   Now though she isn't filing it for some reason.   I am sure she has some evil plan hatched.

I won't file divorce from her unless I have proof of adultery.   She has posted a lot of sexy photos of her and some young guy on instagram.   She claims he is just a friend and the pictures are just setups to hurt me.   I have no way of knowing as she is 6.5 hrs away.   My kids can't leave the county we live in while custody is pending.   If I get proof she will have the paperwork the next day.   I assume she would tell me at this point to just hurt me, but who knows.

[Waddams]

So now she is attempting to sue me for human rights violations, spirtual freedom violations, and on and on.   She said she was filing for divorce and had the paperwork ready.   Now though she isn't filing it for some reason.   I am sure she has some evil plan hatched.

Is it possible she's just talking tough and doesn't have any paperwork ready to file?  I had an xBPDgf that would say just about anything in the heat of the moment if she thought you couldn't verify the lie, no matter how outlandish.

I won't file divorce from her unless I have proof of adultery.   She has posted a lot of sexy photos of her and some young guy on instagram.   She claims he is just a friend and the pictures are just setups to hurt me.   I have no way of knowing as she is 6.5 hrs away.   My kids can't leave the county we live in while custody is pending.   If I get proof she will have the paperwork the next day.   I assume she would tell me at this point to just hurt me, but who knows.

Why wait for proof of adultery?  Are you in a fault or no fault jurisdiction?  If it's fault, her abandonment and the constant threats could still absolutely be put in context of fault conditions for ending the marriage.

That said, moving 6.5 hours away and all the pics might be evidence enough.  She can say what she wants about it, but judges generally know better.

[suffering_parent]

So now she is attempting to sue me for human rights violations, spirtual freedom violations, and on and on.   She said she was filing for divorce and had the paperwork ready.   Now though she isn't filing it for some reason.   I am sure she has some evil plan hatched.

Is it possible she's just talking tough and doesn't have any paperwork ready to file?  I had an xBPDgf that would say just about anything in the heat of the moment if she thought you couldn't verify the lie, no matter how outlandish.

Well she called the kids one day from her lawyers office.   She was mid-conversation with them while talking to the kids.   I am sure she just wanted me to hear it.   She also has posted a few pictures with all her "evidence" at her lawyers.

I won't file divorce from her unless I have proof of adultery.   She has posted a lot of sexy photos of her and some young guy on instagram.   She claims he is just a friend and the pictures are just setups to hurt me.   I have no way of knowing as she is 6.5 hrs away.   My kids can't leave the county we live in while custody is pending.   If I get proof she will have the paperwork the next day.   I assume she would tell me at this point to just hurt me, but who knows.

Why wait for proof of adultery?  Are you in a fault or no fault jurisdiction?  If it's fault, her abandonment and the constant threats could still absolutely be put in context of fault conditions for ending the marriage.

That said, moving 6.5 hours away and all the pics might be evidence enough.  She can say what she wants about it, but judges generally know better.

Simply my religious and moral beliefs.   It really includes any sexual contact.   She has only admitted to kissing one guy and the other is a friend with no benefits.  I already printed the pictures and gave them to the GAL.   We do have no-fault here and I assume that is what she was pursuing initially.   I have an at-fault ready if I find out.   She may be waiting thinking it is more favorable in Canada.   She has to wait a full year to file there though.

[ForeverDad]

I won't file divorce from her unless I have proof of adultery.

Why?  For religious or moral reasons?  I can certainly understand that but let me tell you my story how I determined I had basis (and need) to divorce.

I had been a religious volunteer for several years when I met my ex-spouse.  After marrying we continued together as volunteers for several more years.  That's my background.  Roll the years forward a few and we let go of the volunteer priority, got a house, both had regular jobs and then along came a child.  About the time he was a preschooler she started acting out with paranoid and criticizing behaviors seeing virtually everyone as, in her terminology, "probably" child abusers.  One by one she painted our friends and my family black, isolation set in.  When she focused on me and started looking at me suspiciously, the suspicious dictator/target relationship became overwhelming and I could see the writing on the wall.

My moral compass too had said divorce was an extremely serious step.  (Pardon my brief diversion into a religious aspect, if that is a concern here.)  Of course, frivolous divorce without substantive basis was strongly frowned upon in the Scriptures.  But the 'prohibition' was not necessarily the divorce, rather it was remarriage without the infidelity that broke the marital bond, as I read it.  My congregation understood that there are more reasons to divorce than for purely the infidelity aspect.  In my case it was to protect myself and our child from unfettered abuse and conflict.  I divorced when I concluded there was no realistic hope any longer for healing of the relationship and that I had to take action to avoid further attacks and resulting harm.

Here is what I posted elsewhere concerning the Separation vs Divorce dilemma:

Now I come to my biggest concern.  When you say you're going for custody first, are you doing Legal Separation?  My lawyer said that in my state if I did LS and got a favorable custody evaluation and then later divorced then the clock would be reset and custody would be reevaluated all over again.  The risk was that the second time around the other spouse could have learned from the first evaluation and figured out how to hide the poor behaviors during the new evaluation.  He said in some 20 years of practice he had handled only two LS cases and they didn't involve custody, LS was chosen just to keep medical insurance.

Have you gotten a few legal consultations with different family law attorneys to be sure you aren't making any potential missteps?  The logic of the legal system is a bit arcane and not common sense logic.

About my ex and divorce threats... .  As our marriage was beginning to implode, my then-spouse too made divorce threats, almost always when she was ranting, raging or upset.  I think the first specific instance I recall was one spring evening about a year or so before we separated and later divorced we were going to a religious event and I was using a map to find the location.  She was frantic and sure that we would be late and of course it was all my fault.  So we arrived and parked about 10 minutes early and as we got out of the car she exclaimed, "I want a divorce!"  Yes, on the most important religious event of the year.  I was literally SHOCKED.  Oh, the event?  It started late.

We were separated for over 4 months before I filed for divorce.  That's right, I was the one to file, I am always named the Plaintiff.  She had filed for child support the day before and our paperwork crossed in the mail.  Divorce trumped CS, so her case was merged into mine.

I could guess what my ex is thinking and why but I don't have enough insight or the energy to do that.  Since I really can't be sure what goes on in her head, I just deal with what I know - which is how she treats me.  I accept who she is as I see it, not as I wish it would be.  She has no respect or civility with me, so I don't feel guilted into going out of my way to make her life any easier.  She is an adult so I let her face her consequences.  (Court and the other professionals give her far more help and assistance than she deserves, so I don't feel obligated or guilted {F.O.G. = Fear, Obligation, Guilt} as I step back and let her do whatever she wishes with her life.)

[suffering_parent]

I won't file divorce from her unless I have proof of adultery.

Why?  For religious or moral reasons?  I can certainly understand that but let me tell you my story how I determined I had basis (and need) to divorce.

For religious reasons and my own morals.   Only two ways out of marriage in the scriptures.   I of course could still divorce and just be not free to re-marry until she does admit to adultery or re-marries.

Separation is clearly allowed in these type of situations.   I have no issues with it.   Technically I am liable for any debt she incurs, but she has no credit to go into debt.   I am also expected to give her financial support.   The reality is though I have the four kids so I am giving her little money.

I really expect it to be the end of the relationship.   She will commit adultery I have no doubt.   I have finally stood up to her crap and am throwing her under the bus.   I have a ton of witnesses standing up for me.  Pretty much every one who talks to her once knows she is crazy.   Her own legal aid called my lawyer and told her that this lady is nuts.   I just can't imagine she would ever want back with me after this goes down.   She is losing her 4 kids and blames me for it.   She just signed a 6 month contract on a studio that only allows two people to sleep there due to fire hazards.   That means the kids can not even visit her for a single night.   Like she is saying I have  her check mated for custody.   Not because of what I have done, but because of her choices.

[ForeverDad]

I understand.  When I contemplated divorce I didn't know whether my spouse would later seek other relationships or not, she was very stuck up, proud and at least to me cold and frigid.  Though I never heard 'free to remarry' (she refused to meet concerning certain reported incidents) I have since learned that if I remarry the congregation would 'not take action'.  The difference between the two is, I believe, a wording technicality so she can't sue, these days even religions are shy of litigation risks.

I felt I had to divorce because it was clear to me that my ex would do anything to block my parenting, even making allegations more and more extreme until I was finally wearing an orange jumpsuit.  I have been accused of everything imaginable and it's scary being investigated multiple times.  My ex is super possessive of our child but not as openly nutty as yours.

A second reason was what my lawyer told me.  If I separated and had a good custody evaluation and then later decided to divorce, the court would reset the case back to Day One and start over with a new custody evaluation.  I knew she'd look bad for the first one, but I worried that she would know enough the second time around that she could hide her poor behaviors long enough to come out on top of a second custody evaluation.

Some eight years have passed.  And no, I haven't remarried.  Yet.

[gdad]

My EX tried to have me charged with contempt of court because she had only seen our 16 year old once in the last year. She claimed I was keeping them apart.

I'd only received 3 emails in the 6 months prior regarding our child. She threatens legal action often. She usually stops when I let her know everything is well documented and she isn't paying enough child support.

[trappeddad]

Regarding crazy lawsuits (twinkie example ), what is the success rate of suing her for the legal fees in frivolous matters?     even if the success rate is low, maybe you scare her off of stating anything crazy by saying - anything "crazy/frivolous" brought against me, and i will sue for my share of legal fees.    lawyers will advise against this as crazy/frivolous equals a bigger payday for them