They paint themselves black-then project it on to you

[Depression = 72% of members]

How do you deal with it when they say things like "I know you think I'm the worst person in the world. I'm the bad guy. I make everything worse. You wish I'd die. You'd be happier without me!" I am at a total loss when this happens. And it is almost any time we disagree. This time it was over me telling him I would be getting my haircut soon. He says I do it just because he doesn't want me to! Anything I say to try to make him feel better only makes it worse. So I go silent and that doesn't help either! So frustrating! Any opinions?

[Linlu53]

How do you deal with it when they say things like "I know you think I'm the worst person in the world. I'm the bad guy. I make everything worse. You wish I'd die. You'd be happier without me!" I am at a total loss when this happens. And it is almost any time we disagree. This time it was over me telling him I would be getting my haircut soon. He says I do it just because he doesn't want me to! Anything I say to try to make him feel better only makes it worse. So I go silent and that doesn't help either! So frustrating! Any opinions?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Don't you just love the "I know you think/feel/want . . . ." statements.   

Umm, no you can't read my mind or know my heart! 

Anyway, in answer to your question, the best thing you can do is validate what they are feeling (unloved, maybe unlovable). But don't validate the "facts" they are expressing about what you are thinking or feeling.

I'd keep it simple - Sounds like you're having a rough time.  It must be hard to feel like I'm not happy with you.  Why do you think that?

Don't argue the point. Just accept that what he's saying is 100% about what he's feeling and 0% about what you are actually thinking or feeling.