Fearful of a re engagement

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Yep!   thats the practical stuff.

For the emotional draw: they will and do pull on your "nice guy" heart strings and we feel obligated to respond, reengage! In my opinion we do this because we were accustomed to looking after everyone's needs but our own, because we must always be available for people who need us, it lessens the personal guilt if we respond (in the short term), lessens the uncomfortable feelings that come along with that and by responding and being available provides us with value.

We are of value and are good enough just the way we are - you don't need to rescue a Borderline to provide you with worth! Find worth with who you are not what you "do" for others.

In bold.

That describes the caretaker role in me.

Care taking of others... .

All at the expense of the caretaker themselves... .

Me.

[Ironmanrises]

Yep!   thats the practical stuff.

For the emotional draw: they will and do pull on your "nice guy" heart strings and we feel obligated to respond, reengage! In my opinion we do this because we were accustomed to looking after everyone's needs but our own, because we must always be available for people who need us, it lessens the personal guilt if we respond (in the short term), lessens the uncomfortable feelings that come along with that and by responding and being available provides us with value.

We are of value and are good enough just the way we are - you don't need to rescue a Borderline to provide you with worth! Find worth with who you are not what you "do" for others.

In bold.

That describes the caretaker role in me.

Care taking of others... .

All at the expense of the caretaker themselves... .

Me.

[DragoN]

At some point IMF , you/ I/ we are forced to decide what and whom we are truly responsible for. That which will fundamentally destroy the will to live along with one's sanity ?or one's right to continue with dignity and respect.

That describes the caretaker role in me.

Care taking of others... .

All at the expense of the caretaker themselves... .

Me.

It's ok to choose yourself. In fact, when dealing with BPD, it's really the only sane choice, or leaving them. Either way, you stay or go, you will need to choose "me". It cannot ever hope to survive any other way. Choosing " me" in a PD r./s leaves one pretty much alone and lonely though. So suggest to Choose "me" and leave her permanently out of your life.

Love is a beautiful thing, with a PD , it is not about Love, it is Need. It's not the same. It's weak and has no foundation nor depth and never will. It's what they are. Voids. It gets worse over time as well.

Save yourself.

[Ironmanrises]

At some point IMF , you/ I/ we are forced to decide what and whom we are truly responsible for. That which will fundamentally destroy the will to live along with one's sanity ?or one's right to continue with dignity and respect.

That describes the caretaker role in me.

Care taking of others... .

All at the expense of the caretaker themselves... .

Me.

It's ok to choose yourself. In fact, when dealing with BPD, it's really the only sane choice, or leaving them. Either way, you stay or go, you will need to choose "me". It cannot ever hope to survive any other way. Choosing " me" in a PD r./s leaves one pretty much alone and lonely though. So suggest to Choose "me" and leave her permanently out of your life.

Love is a beautiful thing, with a PD , it is not about Love, it is Need. It's not the same. It's weak and has no foundation nor depth and never will. It's what they are. Voids. It gets worse over time as well.

Save yourself.

They are voids.

Absolutely correct.

And all that is left is us/me.

In bold.

Thank you for reminding me Silentium.

I needed that.

That is all we can do.

[DragoN]

Congratulations... .You lost me.

She lost You, as Mine lost Me.

Over the years of the PD chaos and insanity, I have developed a fine appreciation for peace and serenity.

The juxtaposition of the dichotomy of the extremes will no longer torment my inner sanctum.

Fortunately I am not physically addicted to the endorphin chaos, if anything it acts as Aversion Therapy.

Stay strong.

[Ironmanrises]

Congratulations... .You lost me.

She lost You, as Mine lost Me.

Over the years of the PD chaos and insanity, I have developed a fine appreciation for peace and serenity.

The juxtaposition of the dichotomy of the extremes will no longer torment my inner sanctum.

Fortunately I am not physically addicted to the endorphin chaos, if anything it acts as Aversion Therapy.

Stay strong.

In bold.

Quite powerful.

I too wish to reach... .

That place of serenity... .

That we all seek... .

From this hell on earth.

[Learning2Thrive]

You have been conditioned to think its normal or even necessary that you should always be looking for love and support and not finding it.  You believe you should always be the one on the short end of the stick when it comes to love.  Somewhere deep inside you, perhaps, feel that it has always been this way and will always be.  The one you want will never return that love to you just because you are a very fine person.  In fact, the only real chance you have is, maybe, if you rescue her from something.

BINGO for me!  Conditioned to be a rescuer-fixer-caregiver from birth.  Eldest of 4 children. My mother, I'm certain was/is uNPD/BPD. Rip the scabs off... .rescue her.