I want to go back

[123Phoebe]

I said its because she's incapable of being alone, so she doesn't have the time to work on herself. .

I was pretty drunk to be honest.

Thing is, I have a girl who really likes me, she is sweet & attractive, but there just isn't the spark like me and my ex had, or the arguments

So, you 'have a girl' who really likes you, minus the sparks and arguments of BPDx.  But BPDx is the one who's incapable of being alone to work on herself?  And you tell her this while you're drunk?

Hmm... .  Okay

[Rose Tiger]

Good on you for not being a doormat when she called.    It's true, if people continue to save her from being alone, she will never work on her stuff.  People don't work on themselves because they are hurting someone else, it's only when a person themselves are in a lot of pain, do they consider getting help.  This is something a person can't do for another, we can only do this for ourselves.  If she does it for YOU, it ain't gonna work.

[Eric1]

So, her drunken phone call saying she made a mistake, she can't stop thinking bout me, misses me etc

All meant... .Nothing.

I spoke to her today. She said she meant it but it doesn't have any immediate actions. If its meant to be it will be.

Said to not contact me again.

Don't feel bad surprisingly.

[Rose Tiger]

Sigh, they so live in the moment.  Sure she meant it at the time.  Consistent as a whirlwind.  That's why it's called a roller coaster, hopes high, hopes dashed.  It will end when you decide to no longer play, she can keep this ride going forever.

[Eric1]

And it's stages like this that make me realise that she is a little disordered.

She said that i'm her best friend. I asked her if she was happy, she said that she's not going to awnser that. So, i assume she is, because if she wasn't happy, they usualy say they are to hide the fact.

I asked if her new chap knows she's in contact with me, she said "uh... .yeah", i then asked, "To this extent?" she said "No".

She asked if i had told anyone she's being crazy by calling etc.

I just don't know how she can say that she made a mistake, misses me & when i asked ":)o you want to get back together?" and she replys, "I think so, yes"

To then, nothing. Zilch.

[Aussie0zborn]

Dang! She sucked you in - again.

Glad you don't feel bad.

Spend this time healing Eric.

As Rose Tiger said, this roller coaster ride will only end when you end it. A life of hell is not really pleasant Eric and you sound young enough to make the best of your life. A pwBPD will not give you a good quality of life. Don't you deserve more?

[Eric1]

Dang! She sucked you in - again.

Glad you don't feel bad.

Spend this time healing Eric.

As Rose Tiger said, this roller coaster ride will only end when you end it. A life of hell is not really pleasant Eric and you sound young enough to make the best of your life. A pwBPD will not give you a good quality of life. Don't you deserve more?

I don't feel bad. Just very, very confused.

I told her, again, we can't have any contact & if she were to contact then i would have to block her number, which is something i don't want to do.

I'm obviously not completley over her. Time with NC is the only way i can truly move on.

I also asked if she was going to my sports clubs halloween party, she said she wouldn't, i said thats probably for the best.

[Aussie0zborn]

I don't feel bad. Just very, very confused.

Understandable Eric. It's a part of the BPD dynamic.  I'm just trying to speed you up through the FOG to get you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember you said you don't see that light? Well, it's there my friend you just have to open your eyes and walk in the right direction to free yourself.  I'm not breaking your balls for any other reason.

I told her, again, we can't have any contact & if she were to contact then i would have to block her number, which is something i don't want to do.

Wow, you are so tough. I bet she has so much respect for you that she always does what you say. Isn't it time you blocked her number already? Why don't you want to do it? In case she needs you in an emergency? Let the new guy do it.

I'm obviously not completley over her. Time with NC is the only way i can truly move on.

Understood and at least you are honest with yourself (and us). This is why you need to block her number, her email, etc. so that you can, as you say, truly move on.

I also asked if she was going to my sports clubs halloween party, she said she wouldn't, i said thats probably for the best.

She will go. That's not for the best. You know how you just bump into her on a night out? Yeah, well this is the reason you need to avoid the Halloween party. Find someplace else to go that night, Eric.

Eric, are you seeing a therapist? Have you looked at why you are still hooked to this person who is with someone else and treats you like a piece of sh!t? Disconnecting from her might seem hard now but it's harder later. How do you see your future? Where will you be in five years?

[Eric1]

My friend asked me the same question, why don't you block her now.

I don't know. It's because I still want to get back. I understand that I should be questioning why & could probably see a therapist (which I can't afford), but unlike her, my feelings don't change like the wind.

Still in love. Very sad, really.

[Knowingishalf]

Eric1 sorry to jump in to the fray this late, but I understand you do really care for her.  I am serving divorce papers to someone I really do care about, but I discovered it was also more I cared about who I thought she was.  Someone here said once you see behind the curtain you can't un-see it.  This is more dramatic and overreaching then you know.  Even if things were to go good for a while you know what is there, and what they are capable of.  It touches every interaction you will have.  I worked on the communication tools and they are amazing, but I personally was very away of being her "caretaker" when doing so.  Like I was still the one bending in everything.  This is what I saw behind the curtain.  It is a tricky situation which is soul crushing at least to me.  I hung in a long time before I really bent so far I broke.  Take care of yourself.

[Eric1]

Thanks for the response, knowing.

That's what part of me says 'just stay away now'.

I know what she's capable of doing, and I don't really know if I can honestly tame her completely.

When she rang me the other night, she said 'you made it to easy for me, I need to be put in my place'

I admit, I didn't set the boundaries soon enough. I was amateur in this relationship.

[Eric1]

Has anyone sent or given a book to their ex that they thought would be worthwhile for them to read?

[AliveButBeatup]

Has anyone sent or given a book to their ex that they thought would be worthwhile for them to read?

Yes ---  she read them for a week or so.  I got them sent back to me with inscriptions in them saying they would be useful to me with my mental illnesses during one of our separations.  We got back together. I gave the books back. They were thrown in the thrash by her. Save your money or better yet, buy a book for yourself to learn why you got into a relationship with someone who treats you like trash.

Eric, I hope you reach a point where you can cut the cord.  You sound quite a bit younger than me.  Get your fishing pole out. There are many, many other fish in the sea who are healthy and won't cause the pain you will experience with this person.

ABB

[Eric1]

The book is for me (the art of the peaceful warrior), I'm quite a bit in, but it's so far about allowing the mind to switch off.

That our brains are for thinking and doing and the 'mind' is the weakness.

I over analyse and over think everything. I just want to be able to shut down once in a while.

The reason I stayed? I met her probably 2/3 months after getting out of a 3 1/2 year relationship. She was beautiful and idolised me, I really thought I struck gold. Obviously

It changed, and now I'm here!

[popeye6031]

It is funny that you are talking about this Eric as I just had a conversation with my mum tonight about how people should step back from a situation that they would normally react to.

I too tend to think too much, maybe not over analyse but definitely think too much.  My head is always full of different thoughts. Kost of it these days is consumed by my relationship.  I must just get a copy of that book.

[Eric1]

I'm going to try and read 1 book a week.

Is called 'the way of the peaceful warrior' by dan millman.

You can download a pdf copy off the Internet.

[itgirl]

The person you fell in love with does not exist. The person you see now is who she really is.

WOW.  That sentence just spoke to me! I have printed it out and will look at it everytime I feel I want to contact her.