Ouch... broke NC

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I broke NC and was told this:

Mazda, let me be clear. And I am sorry if this hurts you. I hate you for what you did to me and my family. I hate you for what you said. And I feel absolutely disgusted every time I talk with you.

How can anyone say that to another human being?

[Mazda]

I broke NC and was told this:

Mazda, let me be clear. And I am sorry if this hurts you. I hate you for what you did to me and my family. I hate you for what you said. And I feel absolutely disgusted every time I talk with you.

How can anyone say that to another human being?

[fromheeltoheal]

I broke NC and was told this:

Mariya, let me be clear. And I am sorry if this hurts you. I hate you for what you did to me and my family. I hate you for what you said. And I feel absolutely disgusted every time I talk with you.

How can anyone say that to another human being?

The disorder has a progression, and if you've entered the Hater stage, that's what it sounds like.  IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.  It's about the borderline making sense of their world by making you the scapegoat, it has to be that way, it will always be that way.  Unless of course you actually did something to cause legitimate hatred, for you to know and decide.

Anyway, once the relationship has run its course those types of interactions are the norm, you probably found it hurtful, and don't make yourself wrong for contacting him/her, but remember that if you want to do it again, maybe print that post and put it somewhere prominent?

BTW, be careful about posting your real name.

[Ironmanrises]

Mazda... .

I am so sorry you experienced that.

That was an awful thing... .

To have to hear.

NC is to protect you... .

And at the same time... .

Give you that buffer space... .

To heal... .

Away from corrosive effects... .

Of the pwBPD.

I know it hurts.

I heard many hurtful things... .

From my ex.

It hurt like nothing else.

Try and stay NC.

Hang in there.

[Mazda]

He thinks that because I hurt his image we are even.  Even for abusing me, calling off our wedding without reason and breaking my heart.  A few people knowing 10% of the truth does not make us even.  I hate him.

[KE151]

Horrible things to say, just don't take it personally. What he actually is saying in BPD language  is:

"I'm ashamed beyond measure by what I did to you and your family, I'm disgusted about myself, and the guilt is just killing me".

He's trying to transfer his own bad feelings on to you and shift the blame because he isn't able to face the truth about himself and the fact he has just destroyed another r/s.

Hang in there, Mazda.

[hopealways]

I broke NC and was told this:

Mazda, let me be clear. And I am sorry if this hurts you. I hate you for what you did to me and my family. I hate you for what you said. And I feel absolutely disgusted every time I talk with you.

How can anyone say that to another human being?

[/b]

This is one of the many reasons I have prevented myself from reaching out this time.  I know the response will be similar.  There is ZERO compassion from them as is evident by their hurtful words.  We created a fantasy that they are compassionate because we thought their idealization was a sign of compassion but it was not.  Their actions never matched their words in that phase but because of our severe emotional trauma as children we thought this time... .it would be different.

The difference this time should come from within-never again should we seek validation from others.  That will always lead to hurt.