.More than the need to sting,these words stem from the need to go back to emotional safety.The harshness is merely a tactic to achieve that end.
How does that equate to emotional safety? Aren't they these black voids? And it's all the push / pull fear of abandonment and the Self Fulfilling prophecy?
In the BPD / Non r/s the emotional safety is compromised from the perspective of the Non has been my experience.
A BPD ,like a non,has the need to feel validated and cared for and hence enters a relationship.Things are very good in the idealization stage when the BPD mirrors the non and both partners come very close.The non embeds his/her emotions in the BPD and assumes the relationship shall progress.
This closeness however triggers the BPD's fears of abandonment.They feel that my partner will eventually discover how dirty and flawed I am from within and leave me.This triggers their abandonment issues and they leave/push away the partner before the partner can discard them.Closeness,love and care triggers them so leaving a partner who loves them results in going back to a place where there are no triggers.This is what i meant by emotional safety.
A non is a thinking,logical and perceptive individual who has no fear of attachment.Hence,he/she can discard the relationship because it is abusive and move on if he/she so wishes.So the ball of emotional safety is totally in the non's court but more often than not a non does not know about BPD,tries to rationalize the partners behavior and jumps through hoops to make things work which takes its toll on his/her emotions.
