genetic / traumas

[emmy47]

from one generation to the other one ... .My mother was BPD. I have the temptation to say "light" BPD, could be because she passed away, could be because she was or could be because growing up with such mother made me develop a certain capacity to tolerate what no one (with a normal mom)would. A certain kind of stoicism. Am I mistaking when I think that when one had a neurotic parent he or she tends to marry someone having the same neurosis. As such, I married a BPD man and my cildren and myself paid an heavy price for it : When I asked for a divorce he ran away with the children to punish me, it took me 8 years to locate them, he had given them away to some religious fanatics and my kids were brain-washed ... .Years passed by and I am in touch with my children now (I am 65) but just suffering witnessing damages. Right now, my worries go to my son who has a lot in common with me: sure enought he married a BPD, went throught hell wit his divorce , then he remarried a second wife whose level of BPD is even highter. Not even 2 years later, now,  they separated. I want to help him to pull throught and eventually become an happy man. Myself, the price I had to pay by loosing my children opened my eyes so wide tthat no other man with BPD could trick me into his web. I put myself on this forum because I'd like to know how much in our lives is linked or caused by genetic versus caused by childhood traumas... . 

[PrettyPlease]

Hi emmy 47    

You've had a difficult journey, and I recognize many parts of it. I had uBPD/NPD parents, and got involved with several BPD people in a row. It's been much better since I began reading on this site; and books recommended here. I've learned a lot of things. I'm hopeful that the same can happen for you. It's amazing how similar some of the stories are, and some of the tools were exactly what I needed.

I put myself on this forum because I'd like to know how much in our lives is linked or caused by genetic versus caused by childhood traumas... . 

I'd like to know this too, sorry, I can't find a simple answer to that yet. It looks like the current science points to there being some genetic factors that make some people more susceptible to BPD, and then environmental (family) things have to happen to trigger them. But people can get triggered to BPD even without the genetics.

But there are other people on this site who know more about this. The site is laid out as different forums, that specialize in certain relationships and aspects of dealing with people with BPD. People tend to read the posts on the forums that they know the most about. It sounds to me like you might want to ask that question, and others, on one of these boards:

Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD

Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw

Questions about BPD and BPD Resources

Again, welcome.

 

PP

[pessim-optimist]

Hello emmy47,

I also want to welcome you to this site. I am glad you have found us, although I am sorry we meet under these circumstances. You will find a good community of people here, who do understand many of the struggles that you have gone through and are going through... .

There is a lot you might be able to learn on this website, in order to understand better what has happened in your life and also to be able to help your son.

How did you learn about BPD? Have you had a chance to read some books about it, or has it still been a rather new discovery for you?

Do you think he would be interested in joining this site also, or is it too soon to tell?