Does you BPD person have a look, change of voice before going off?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am just wondering if any of you have experienced your BPD person having a change of voice or look in their eye that tells you they are about to go off? 

My uBPD mom does!  It scares the hell out of me and all I want to do is run away!  I try to change the subject or make an excuse to leave.

She gets a mean look in her eyes and her voice gets a tone.  I know all hell is about to break loose!  I am not the only person in her family to have recognized this.

The movie Sybil scared me as a kid, left me with nightmares.  It was not until I was older that I realized how much it reminded me of my mom.

Anyone else?

[larmieq]

I am just wondering if any of you have experienced your BPD person having a change of voice or look in their eye that tells you they are about to go off? 

My uBPD mom does!  It scares the hell out of me and all I want to do is run away!  I try to change the subject or make an excuse to leave.

She gets a mean look in her eyes and her voice gets a tone.  I know all hell is about to break loose!  I am not the only person in her family to have recognized this.

The movie Sybil scared me as a kid, left me with nightmares.  It was not until I was older that I realized how much it reminded me of my mom.

Anyone else?

[nevermore]

My mother's eyes turn jet black and beady like shark eyes.

[Sasha026]

Yes. My mother had the same "look". The dark eyes! Like a shark. She would open them so wide and she wouldn't blink... .now, that's unnerving. She also had different personalities that suited her moods. It wasn't easy to cope with that as a child - or even as an adult.

Funny, the movie Sybil also started me off thinking that something was wrong... .but that's a long, long story. One thing was that my mother did a lot of the same things that Sybil's mother did (without the button hook - that was a bit much). The book went into so much more than the movie... .public defecation and urination, lewdness, etc... .things that matched up a bit more with my situation. It's been said that the book may have been a fabrication, but it rang true with many abused children.

What I think you're talking about is called "the Turn". I didn't know what that was back then, but after I read Christine Lawson's description, I jumped up and yelled, "That's it!" The turn from her normal demeanor to the witch scares the pants off everyone.

[Maude]

Oh yeah. I called it her "witch face" even before I had read Lawson's book, because she does look like an evil witch. Her mouth gets slanty and distorted kind of like an animal snarling, her eyes get cold and squinty, and she gets a hateful tone of voice. She LOOKS like she's about to attack. Scary.

[southernsis]

Yes. "Crazy eyes" and the voice gets demon-like and teeth clench and then the yelling starts. Run. for. the. hills.

[Cheshire]

Yes, like Nevermore's answer; black beady eyes. On the day of my last confrontation, I took a few seconds to study them. No irises, cold black saucers, filled with hate. Odd, really, that such a "fairy tale" style detail exists in nature.

[redroom]

I'm terrible at reading people, so if she did, I didn't notice.  In fact, it was like flipping a switch.  She would just turn on me (or, occasionally, service people) out of the blue.  It was just so sudden, and although it happened often (at least daily), it would catch me by surprise each time. 

Sometimes she had that hysterical, uncontrollable anger, but a lot of the time it was cold and calculated cruelness.  I never saw either one coming, especially the latter, until I was pulled into her trap. 

[CarolinaGirl]

My dad's voice definitely changes. He talks rapidly and a little high pitched compared to his normal tone. I can see it from a mile away and I still get sucked in every time.

[Bracken]

Yes!

I have been NC with my mother for most of my life. But I still remember how she would narrow her pale green eyes at me, and make them icy. Her voice would go cold too. It sound like pure hatefulness.

There were rages too - but they were not as frequent as her constant doses of cold hatefulness. 

[Alastor]

Yes she certainly does. BPDmom's lips become thin wires as her face tightens up and a small 'snarl' faintly emerges; her footsteps get heavier and more deliberate; doors close harder; her voice drops as she strains to squeeze shortened sentences out of her lips; she stops looking directly at me; her body becomes stiff and straight; her eyes become dark and sink into their sockets. And the hairs on the back of my neck start to stand on end and my own breath shortens as I wait for the "other shoe to drop".

It's really a combination of mannerisms, voice, and face that are such good predictors of a coming rage. The only thing is that it's hard to predict just how imminent the rage is... .Even though I'm happily NC since years, even just writing it now gives me that clenching feeling in my chest.

There was a study in a quality psychology journal that basically says even infant babies can detect (and indeed suffer from) the body language of a BPD mother. As social beings, humans can certainly detect non-verbal signals, and these can be intense coming from a pwBPD!

www.bjp.rcpsych.org/content/183/3/239.short

[FindingStrength]

uBPDm becomes icy-cold, just before she blasts the fires of hell at you.  Her eyes narrow into slits, nostrils flared, back impossibly straight.  Lips a thin line.  Her voice gets colder than a  's heart.   Sometimes there's the hint of a mean smile, an "I've got you now, you miserable creature" type smile.  Other times just the glare.  It makes my stomach drop, my heart sink, my chest tight and me feel lightheaded. 

[charred]

There was a change of behavior, she would get uptight and fidgety then start a fight... her voice was higher, almost shrill.

Now that I have been away from my pwBPD for a while... I think she was stuck in a behavior loop, acting out something unresolved from her youth... because she discounted whatever was said/done in the present and continued through the cycle pretty much regardless of what I did. It was like arguing with a cassette tape loop... .didn't feel like she heard me, listened or that the present moment registered with her.

[joethemechanic]

My BPDgf gets a sort of emotionless tone to her voice kinda like someone who has been "beat down" right before she "malfunctions".

[SeekingHealing]

We used to say our uBPD father would have bug eyes

[Eureka1]

My uBPD sister's eyes would turn black and mean.  She would breathe rapidly and loudly like a bull. 

When my Dad would give me money to spend on the dogs, I would see the look!  (My sister did not have dogs).  I asked my Dad to give me any granddog money in private because of my sister's reaction.

[hopealwaysss]

Absolutely.  My mom clenches her face, her voice shakes and sometimes she even physically shakes before she goes into some rant.  She also gets this whine-y voice when she is going to wallow in self-pity.  It's strange because it's cartoon-ish.  It's the type of voice you would use if you were actually making fun of someone. 

[charred]

I am just wondering if any of you have experienced your BPD person having a change of voice or look in their eye that tells you they are about to go off? 

My uBPD mom does!  It scares the hell out of me and all I want to do is run away!  I try to change the subject or make an excuse to leave.

She gets a mean look in her eyes and her voice gets a tone.  I know all hell is about to break loose!  I am not the only person in her family to have recognized this.

The movie Sybil scared me as a kid, left me with nightmares.  It was not until I was older that I realized how much it reminded me of my mom.

Anyone else?

I already commented on my pwBPD... but will add a little... she puts her hands on her hips, rolls her eyes and talks with the most sarcastic "well honey child"... condescending tone... which ... after having met her mother... I am pretty sure she got from her mom. Always felt like they (pwBPD) were stuck in some kind of loop... and they replay it over and over... ignoring what you say and going on anyway... bet the loop has her mother being condescending as hell.

As to movies... never saw Sybil... . saw tons of horror movies... only one ever scared me... "Fatal Attraction"... it was so real... it was my pwBPD... . was only movie that seemed real... bunny boilers exist... . dated one.