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[Anxious_help!]

Hi All,

I have a 21 year old son who has sought intermittent mental health intervention.  His Dad and I went through a horrific divorce with custody battles when he was in grade school.  When his older sibling, at 16,  refused to stay with his Dad anymore, my now 21 y o (at 13)  felt responsible for his Dad.  He lived with his Dad during HS but came back, to my surprise, one month before HS graduation.  My son is extremely abusive towards me verbally since he has been 13.  Sometimes it's better, most of the time it's horrific.  He punches holes in my home.  His older sibling is afraid of him.  I have been paying for college-he started late since he was a serious contender for the past Olympics and missed the qualification in the last competition.  His long-term girlfriend broke up with him soon afterward.  He was severely depressed afterwards compounding his behavior.  In May, he started seeing bugs and had "bites" as well.  He stayed in a hoodie (different ones!) during the summer and returned to college where the bugs all but disappeared.  The abuse towards me (his older sibling avoids him at all costs and lived next door at a relative's home during the summer break) escalated.  He asked to see a psychiatrist a month ago which I thought was a good idea.  He saw an advanced nurse practitioner who prescribed Vyvanse to increase his focus on his school work.  He actually came home for the weekend and looked wonderful-we had a nice dinner at home.  Within 3 days of taking the Vyvanse (and at my home), the bugs came back.  HIs skin had what looked like bites on his face and his arms.  He returned to school very angry at me (I've already had an exterminator in, washed everything, had the rugs and furniture steamed, took the house plants out, etc. etc.  He refuses to go to college and is spewing hatred towards everything I do.  Please note that he is not diagnosed.  I do not know if he is eating.  He has taken out money from the account and the overdraft account.  He is buying things to combat the bugs and spending money on skype contacting entomologists who have not responded to his messages.  He saw a dermatologist and an infectious disease specialist during the past two weeks and they have prescribed doxycycline which he refused to take because he wants the bug treated.  Any advice is helpful.  I only gave him the extra money beyond what he cleaned out of the overdraft account yesterday which I usually transfer to his account on Friday.  He has not attended college in 3 weeks since this occurred.  I have called the college health office and have described what is happening to my son. I was told to take a deep breath and let the school try to work with him.  I'm always told that someone will call me back but they have not.  An appointment was scheduled for my son which he did not keep.  He is so explosive towards me because I cannot solve this problem for him.  It has been mentioned to me that he may have BPD.  :)o you have any advise?  Thank you so much!  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Anxious!

Welcome to BPD Family.  We're happy you found our site.   You must be so overwhelmed by the situation with your son.  One thing that is confusing me in your post is I've been wondering if there are actual bugs that are biting him or is seeing bugs and self-injuring to create the "bites".  Wearing a hoodie or anything with long sleeves during the summer is a big red flag to me.  Do you see other signs of self-injury?  :)oes your son currently have a mental health diagnosis?    

You are living through a very traumatic situation. How do you react when he is raging, yelling and/or punching walls.  This link may be useful in removing yourself from the situation when your son is out of control. How to take a time out


How are you coping with all this?  :)o you see a therapist or have some other type of support?

We have a lot of parents who are dealing with the same types of situations and offer solutions that may help you help your son.  Keep posting here, it really works!

[Anxious_help!]

Thank you for your quick response.  My son has never been diagnosed.  I can assure you he has some illness.  He has expressed suicidal ideation on several occasions and was evaluated by a crisis team three times already; he pulls it together when the evaluator is on the scene.  He is nice when he wants something but has been miserable and abusive since these "bugs" entered our lives at the end of May.  He took some Vyvanse from some of his college buddies to get through finals and did very well (last May). I went up to his school twice over three weeks and observed that he was exhausted, had tremors and had lost a lot of weight.  When he came home from college, the bugs entered our lives.  I'm really not sure whether or not they are real but he thinks they are and hates me because I have not found the solution to rid his life of them.  When he went back to college, the bugs did not bother him nearly as much.  21 days ago tonight, he came home for a visit and looked fantastic.  He had been prescribed Vyvance 48 hours earlier.  The following day was a different story- the bugs returned.  he became so verbally abusive.  I am getting help.  I completed the Family to Family series two years ago and see a professional.  I called the Advanced Nurse Practitioner against my son's wishes (who prescribed him the Vyvance) and she told me to pick him up and asked why I did not go to the doctors' appointments with him.  I told her that our relationship does not allow that-he would run!  She then told me that he had too much control over me.  That's is true, I guess, but the way she talked was not welcoming.  He has seen a variety of mental health care professionals but has never been diagnosed.  It's frightening.  By the way, I do walk away when he becomes irrational and abusive.  Thank you for the link and the advice.

[Suzn]

Welcome Anxious_help

I'm sorry you've been going through all of this with your son. Anxious I looked up the side effects for this drug and it seems it could possibly be causing some of these issues you speak of. Your son's physician should be aware of these side effects and it may be advisable to have a discussion with your son (since he is 21 now) and possibly his physician if you allowed to do so. I hope this helps.

There have been 3 drug regulatory agency warnings on Vyvanse from the United States. These are as follows:

United States, September 01, 2011: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) updated Vyvanse’s label to say that it may cause dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking). Source: Vyvanse (Lisdexamfetamine dimesylate) Capsules, MedWatch Safety Information, September 2011, www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/SafetyInformation/ucm234015.htm.

United States, June 15, 2009: The FDA reported on a study reviewing 564 healthy children taking stimulants who died suddenly. They notified the public that there might be an association between the use of stimulant medications (such as Vyvanse) and sudden death in healthy children. Source: “Stimulant Medications used in Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder – Communication about an Ongoing Safety Review,” Food and Drug Administration, June 15, 2009.

United States, April 01, 2008: The FDA added a warning to the safety label for the stimulant Vyvanse that it could cause the following adverse reactions: Insomnia, other gastrointestinal disturbances, and rashes. Source: “Detailed View: Safety Labeling Changes Approved By FDA Center for Drug Evaluation and Research (CDER) – April 2008,” FDA MedWatch, April 2008.

[Anxious_help!]

Thank you.  I did contact the advanced nurse practitioner who prescribed the drug, Vyvance, last Monday.  He will be furious when he finds out.  She told me to pick him up and that I should attend the physicians' visits with him.  I told her about the symptoms of what I think were related to the drug.  I can assure you that he will not go anywhere with me.  Thank you for the update of the drug's side-effects.  I wonder why he is still seeing the bugs around him?

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Anxious,

It is so good that you are being proactive with your son's mental health.  You are a strong advocate for your son and I can see you're very worried about him.  I can imagine he is angry about you contacting his nurse practitioner.  It's a tough situation so you have to do what you feel is right for him.

We at BPD Family are not qualified to make a diagnosis.  I'd like to invite you to take a look at the link to see if you find the symptoms familiar.  Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

-crazed

[angeldust1]

Dear Anxious,

My son is not diagnosed either,  but if you have read enough on this site that you believe he is and he exhibits at least 5 of the symptoms ( out of 9) ,  then he most likely is.  You will find comfort solace and a wealth of information about what you are dealing with,  and if nothing else you will realize you are not going crazy and neither is he.  It is a disorder,  but a very complex, one to deal with and understand.  My son has been so abuse to me,  and have cried myself to sleep so much I stop counting.   This is just too counter productive.

  I used to blame myself,  and say if only I'd done this or that,  things would be different.  I can assure they would not!  We can only control ourselves in this situation,  not their behavior,  no matter how "crazy" it may seem,  it probably makes sense to them.  But... .you by all means,  are not to blame.  My son has gone without contact from me for over a year and as hard as that is,  believe me,   it is easier than the outburst the lies and the abuse he dishes out to me. ( all mental thank God),  not physical,  which sometimes I think is worse.  The physical,  we see and we stay away,  but the mental is so subtle that you don't realize it is what it is,  until you are in it so deep,  you have to back your way out of it,  to realize what is really going on. 

They really know how to make you feel guilty about everything in their life. 

Remember if the bugs are real,  and most likely they aren't,  it is simply a way for him to make you feel guilty,  and blame you for yet another one of his problems.   Or it could be a side affect of the drug, if so that will in time take care of itself,  but discontinuing the drug.  BUT... .why are these bugs not at school? Could it be because you are not there to blame? 

I  wish you hope, and acceptance of what you are dealing with,  but try to remember you are not at fault in any way,  if you could rid him of the "bugs" he sees/feels you would,  wouldn't you?

  We as mothers feel we have to fix everything wrong with our children.  He is not a child and he can blame you all he wants,  but that still doesn't make it your problem or fault.  Only you can take on that role. 

Take care of yourself,  ship his behind off to school,  and let him find someone else to abuse and blame,  I can assure they will not take it like you have.  Remember you have another child who doesn't deserve this either.

My husband and I had horrific divorce as well,  it may be some form of an explanation as to  why they act this way,  but not an excuse for them to mistreat us.

My prayers are with you. Stay right here you will find what you need.

If you didn't care you would not be here.  Take solace in the fact you care so much. Angeldust

[qcarolr]

Anxious

This is so very distressing for both you and your son... .  It is so hard when our child, legally and adult, looks for us to solve their problems, and then refuse to accept the help offered.

Is the mental health nurse practioner with the college or a private practice? I am confused why you would be asked to 'make' him go to the appointments.

If you son claims to actually be seeing bugs that are not there, this seems like hallucinating. This really needs to be evaluated by a doctor, perhaps starting with a medical doctor.

My other concern is the possibility of use of street stimulants, such as meth. I was in denial for a long time about the sores on my DD's face and arms and belly. She also requested Vyvance from her psych NP. It was a really big mistake. It pushed her raging into violence.

Gotta go - gd is melting down.

qcr

[Anxious_help!]

Thank you for all of your input.  I watched the video tonight on BPD - from what I learned, it is a good chance that my son has this diagnosis.  I also read the article on Parent Alienation Syndrome which was so severe in our case. 

I visited my son earlier this morning to drop off some food and just to see how he was doing.  He claims that he had samples of the bugs that are bothering him.  However, I don't see the bugs in the container.  When I brought this to his attention, he became very annoyed with me. 

I work full time and have a part time night job so my reading time is limited.  May I ask what book/article you suggest that I start with?  I've scanned several of the articles which appear very interesting but I have such limited time.  Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Anxious

[qcarolr]

Anxious

The link to the right for 'foundational reading' gives the top books for parents and families. I have read all of these books, and go back to read again when needed. The videos listed at the bottom of the list are all excellent too, and may be a good start with your limited time. I have not finished it yet, but found clear tools in Shari Manning's book "Loving Someonw with BPD".

The most valuable concept, and the hardest to accept when I am the focus of my DD27's anger and blaming >< begging for me to fix her, is that she is in an extreme emotional dysregulation. She has not premeditated any of her actions - she is very impulsive and reacts in the moment. This is not what others mean my manipulation, though that is what it may look like on the outside. The best I can do for her is to find ways to keep myself regulated and calm so I can be validating of where she is emotionally. This does not mean agreeing with her actions, it is finding even one small thing to sincerely agree with.

When things get really out of control and/or violent, my first response has to be my safety plan. Get out of her zone, give her the time and space to cool down with a promise that I am taking some time out and will be back/available... .  It is so important to know what our limits are, and try to communicate these when things are in a calmer moment. Sometimes this moment does not come, so I just engage the limit.

Old patterns are hard to change, especially for my DD. It takes time and lots of persistent patience. Take care of yourself! Get support around yourself!

It is so puzzling that your DS actually sees the bugs that are invisible to you. This is real to him - it is very invalidating to hear a response that you cannot see them. I am not sure how to help you find a way to help him cope with this.

Keep coming back. Let us know how you are doing. We care. We understand.

qcr  

[Anxious_help!]

Thank you for sharing and guiding me to the best material to start with.  I plan to read a little each evening.  What is so difficult is that my son has lost so much in the past few years.  He is well aware of that-he discussed this with me last week.  in just over a year, he lost the last crucial competition to qualify for the Olympics, his girlfriend... .he was quite excited about attending college in the Spring and made new friends.  Now these darn "bugs" which are driving him nuts and increasing the tension in his and my relationship. Although it is sad to hear about others who are parenting children who are raging and breaking, etc., it helps to know that I'm not alone.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders