Turkish,
The further you distance yourself from her, the more attempts of this you will see. This is just like some of your previous posts of her behaviors that were her attempt to get comfort from you and soothe herself.
Again, not about a happy b-day to you... .an opportunity for her to see that you will still validate and connect with her/be her safety net/soothe her.
I'm sorry for the struggle. You should probably expect to see more and more of this. ESPECIALLY if you don't give in and connect with her on any level. Then she will probably up the anti in tactic and frequency in her desperate panic. All predictable... .and sad.
It's harder with her living there, and there is no way around that because she is who she is.
Thanks for your support and wisdom, Lady31. I am so tempted to write out something short in response... .like take a look at our two family photos. The one with HER smiling when our S was 6 months... .then the more recent one of the four of us... .with HER having barely a forced smile. Because she was raging at me because I changed our son's pants before we left for the studio... .when no pictures of the kids showed their legs. Then tell me who's unhappy? I sent the friend the message and he said "gaslighting" because while she is correct I was unhappy, it was she who was more unhappy, and said it to my face back in May... .and made a list of demands to make her happy which I didn't think were realistic as the parents of two small children... . then the quick downward spiral to now.
Sat. night when she talked to our son on the phone, she started telling me about the day with our daughter, then describing things like a normal conversation. I quickly ended it and said goodbye. I know as a co-parent I will have to have those conversations later, like the day to day stuff and us vis-a-vis our kids, but not now. We might likely be some form of "friends," but not now. Glad I blocked her on FB, even though I am missing seeing even the inane things she posts, in-between the posts of kid pics. But I have more than enough of them myself, so no big loss. Not until she's gone and I start the long road to healing and dealing with it can I feel I could have anywhere near a normal conversation with her. And I know, as many have said here, that she will fall back on me as an emotional support when things go south with new guys. I am already role playing the recycling in my head and the things I will say to keep those boundaries up. Unless it's putting the kids in danger (from them or her instability... .but I know she will call me, as she has before even before things ended), I am not that person anymore. No. Freaking. Way.
She asked to go out to a party after we (actually me, she stays at the house and hands out candy) take the kids trick or treating. *sigh*
Can't. Handle. Adulthood and responsibility.
