Why did I break the NC silence?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex emailed me making it sound so easy. He blamed me for brainwashing him. For him not doing hobbies (when he never stayed with it), when he didn't want to hang out with friends (he never really wanted to do anything just sleep). Once again it is my fault. He accused me of hiding, running and cutting people out of my life because of facebook (when I was putting boundaries up).

He said he is so different now that I am OUT of his life. Wow. On thanksgiving he was going on and on about how alone he is, and missing us and now suddenly he is a normal person without any of us interfering with his normalcy.

Then he threw counseling in my face ... I said that through many counseling session I feel its best we both move on. Then he goes well I talk about ME and not US in MY counseling sessions. Issues I HAVE TO WORK on. He went on to say my inability to admit I ever did anything wrong.

Ok yes I pissed him off. Yes I was angry and didn't like it when he did hobbies and hung out with his friends because he kept me in a godforsaken country where I couldn't walk 15 miles until I hit the nearest town. Yes I admit it. Yes I got him so angry he left bruises down my arms, left me emotional scars.  Yes it was all my fault. All of it. I cannot say sorry enough.

Yet on the other side of the coin, he didn't have to go to that extreme. Ever.

I am so angry. I am hurt. I am so everything.

Best part is I hope this is the final chapter of communication we ever have. Period. Ever. I don't wish to say or hear anything more from this man.

[KHC_33]

My ex emailed me making it sound so easy. He blamed me for brainwashing him. For him not doing hobbies (when he never stayed with it), when he didn't want to hang out with friends (he never really wanted to do anything just sleep). Once again it is my fault. He accused me of hiding, running and cutting people out of my life because of facebook (when I was putting boundaries up).

He said he is so different now that I am OUT of his life. Wow. On thanksgiving he was going on and on about how alone he is, and missing us and now suddenly he is a normal person without any of us interfering with his normalcy.

Then he threw counseling in my face ... I said that through many counseling session I feel its best we both move on. Then he goes well I talk about ME and not US in MY counseling sessions. Issues I HAVE TO WORK on. He went on to say my inability to admit I ever did anything wrong.

Ok yes I pissed him off. Yes I was angry and didn't like it when he did hobbies and hung out with his friends because he kept me in a godforsaken country where I couldn't walk 15 miles until I hit the nearest town. Yes I admit it. Yes I got him so angry he left bruises down my arms, left me emotional scars.  Yes it was all my fault. All of it. I cannot say sorry enough.

Yet on the other side of the coin, he didn't have to go to that extreme. Ever.

I am so angry. I am hurt. I am so everything.

Best part is I hope this is the final chapter of communication we ever have. Period. Ever. I don't wish to say or hear anything more from this man.

[RecycledNoMore]

I broke nc tonight too, hay they sound like there related, my ex blabd on about MY faults, about how proud his councillor is of his recovery from MY emotional abuse,what the heck! He tried to frgin strangle me, hit me numerous times... .im no angel i know that, but the way he blocked out and twisted things, jeez! Anyway, i planned to say alot but ijust said " iknow who u really are" ant no point, these guys will never get it, NEVER! try not to be so hard on yourself k  all of this will take time, brush yourself off, and start again, you CAN do this hugz... this isint your  fault, just like it wasnt mine.All you/ me can do is figure out why/ how the heck it happend and learn how to prevent this s*** from re- occuring.good luck.

[laelle]

If he is so "together" now, why did he have to email you to tell you that?  If he was so "together" he would realize the mistakes that he made and learn from them.  If he was so "together" he would "get it" that it hurts you for him to contact you.

HE was ONLY thinking of HIMSELF!  That is a real sign of being "together"   

As you can see by your emails he still considers everything your fault and can not accept responsibility for his actions.  Stop JADEing.  You deserved NONE of it.

You were abused!  Do not continue to let him abuse you. 

Get out of the FOG and ignore the creep.  He can only bring you pain!  Havent you been through enough?

 Laelle

[PhoenixRising15]

NO ONE CAN MAKE ANYONE FEEL ANYTHING ELSE.

I'm sorry for the all caps.  I wanted to make my point, because that has been my biggest sticking point.

Oh I made her so desperately sad that she just HAD to cheat. 

KHC, I'm sorry that your ex was abusive.  You didn't deserve that and you didn't make him angry.  He may have difficulty regulating his emotions, but they are his.

Please, it was not your fault!

[rags_and_feathers]

Mine keeps telling me about all the things her therapist has to say about me, too ... .including apparently having diagnosed ME as being borderline, based on some text messages that she showed to the therapist... ..  I doubt that ever happened, but there are some pretty wacky therapists out there (yes, that would be totally unethical, if true, to diagnose someone you've never met based on text messages and then share that diagnosis with someone else!) -- but maybe my ex has her therapist totally fooled... .who knows. 

I rather suspect the therapist diagnosed the ex correctly as borderline, and that she's projecting that diagnosis on to me ... .she's projected just about every one of her behaviors on to me, so why not her diagnosis from her therapist, too?

[KHC_33]

I spoke with my counselor yesterday and she said everything you guys are saying. Lastnight he emailed me again about the loans and was mad because I told him it was for 1500 and he wanted to see paperwork sent to HIS HOUSE. He thought it was for 1000. I said we owed, this much I took a pic of the paperwork.

His last comment was remember stupid doesn't know any better.

I almost didn't respond but I had to just put that last word LOL. I replied apparently some things never change.

He never responded afterwards. Yeah I maybe egged him on but it felt good to show him I am not upset, or angry or even feeling the least bit phased by him. Now that he knows about the loans, how much and that he hopefully will pay I have no other reason to reply to ANY of his messages.

When he told me I never took any responsibility for issues in our relationship - I thought wow you can't force anyone to do that. I do, I probably beat myself over and over more then he could ever do with himself. Today I feel stronger. I am rebalancing and I have my soul intact.

NC is reestablished, effective as of now. Nothing more to discuss.

[laelle]

Mine use to say very frequently that I was a child and that I needed to change.  When I apologized   and said I would try, he said an apology was not good enough.

What did he want me to do then?

Don't sweat it... .you can set up a boundary for yourself that if he must contact you again for (bank records, etc etc) you will not continue the conversation if he can not speak to you with respect.  Any comments slandering or insulting you can be met with a dial tone.  It is ok to NOT accept his behavior.