BPD? advice?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My was sexually abused as a child, says she could hurt the people she loves most, a repeat mistake maker and etc.

I met her as an escort and i got out of it and i felt like i had to continue to protect her because i seen all the bad decisions she has made. She made me a lot of promises, like to get marrried tmrw, have a child, get tattoos, move in together, staying and helping get through the insecurties i have.  All these were all in place for about a month and a half and she took it all back as she wanted to be free. We even got an abortion even though it was planned.  We tried to make it work but i told her i feel like crap cuz everything she promised she took away.  She claimed that i have no right to feel that way and i was upset that she could even say something like that.  Like she couldnt understand the gravity of the situation and thought it was something u could just wipe away.

In this relationship i hurt everyone around me, lost my job, did everything for her and i broke my hand twice (due to the sick things she would say).  It feels like she has no remorse and appreciation. In the end she ended up going back to escorting for her "freedom".  I just feel like if she loved me that much she should stick by her word and stick through my insecurities by Showing me i have nothing to worry about.  I just wanted to note her past made me controlling but i recognized why and she said she would stick around to help me. it only lasted 1 and a half months. she also seems like her friends were more important to me. for example we were supposed to be together n get married.  She lives with me and my parents (which she said she was 100% ok with as culturally thats how it goes) and it isnt a good idea.  She proceeded to say if she cant ill move out so she can move in with me.  When we were together at the end she said she is going back to work so take her as she is. but i told her it hurts me how can you? she said she didnt know and is still going to do it.

Does she have BPD? and do you guys have any advice for me?

We are broken up but the things ive seen her do scares me and i jusst want to know she is safe. She met me and she stopped being depressed and loved life. But me being controlling led her to running away even though she promised to help me with this.

I didnt know why i was being so upset and wanting to hit things when certain things were said by her. So i saw a therapist and said she has BPD and was very pushy that i get out of this. He didnt meet her but i told him the full story and he said he has seen this too many times. A good guy tries to "save" an escort and he kills himself doing it. I have situational depression and my body knows i should get out of it but my heart wont.  I was wondering what is your take on it?  I want her to know that i will be there for her if she ever needs to talk or if she needs anything.  I dont need this to be a relationship anymore but i just love her and she is my bestfriend so i want her to know i will be there so her life doesnt go back to  and she feels abandoned by me. I feel as i would be responsible if something happend to her and all she needed was me to be there.

please help! this is the reason i would never want to have NC with her.

[savior]

My was sexually abused as a child, says she could hurt the people she loves most, a repeat mistake maker and etc.

I met her as an escort and i got out of it and i felt like i had to continue to protect her because i seen all the bad decisions she has made. She made me a lot of promises, like to get marrried tmrw, have a child, get tattoos, move in together, staying and helping get through the insecurties i have.  All these were all in place for about a month and a half and she took it all back as she wanted to be free. We even got an abortion even though it was planned.  We tried to make it work but i told her i feel like crap cuz everything she promised she took away.  She claimed that i have no right to feel that way and i was upset that she could even say something like that.  Like she couldnt understand the gravity of the situation and thought it was something u could just wipe away.

In this relationship i hurt everyone around me, lost my job, did everything for her and i broke my hand twice (due to the sick things she would say).  It feels like she has no remorse and appreciation. In the end she ended up going back to escorting for her "freedom".  I just feel like if she loved me that much she should stick by her word and stick through my insecurities by Showing me i have nothing to worry about.  I just wanted to note her past made me controlling but i recognized why and she said she would stick around to help me. it only lasted 1 and a half months. she also seems like her friends were more important to me. for example we were supposed to be together n get married.  She lives with me and my parents (which she said she was 100% ok with as culturally thats how it goes) and it isnt a good idea.  She proceeded to say if she cant ill move out so she can move in with me.  When we were together at the end she said she is going back to work so take her as she is. but i told her it hurts me how can you? she said she didnt know and is still going to do it.

Does she have BPD? and do you guys have any advice for me?

We are broken up but the things ive seen her do scares me and i jusst want to know she is safe. She met me and she stopped being depressed and loved life. But me being controlling led her to running away even though she promised to help me with this.

I didnt know why i was being so upset and wanting to hit things when certain things were said by her. So i saw a therapist and said she has BPD and was very pushy that i get out of this. He didnt meet her but i told him the full story and he said he has seen this too many times. A good guy tries to "save" an escort and he kills himself doing it. I have situational depression and my body knows i should get out of it but my heart wont.  I was wondering what is your take on it?  I want her to know that i will be there for her if she ever needs to talk or if she needs anything.  I dont need this to be a relationship anymore but i just love her and she is my bestfriend so i want her to know i will be there so her life doesnt go back to  and she feels abandoned by me. I feel as i would be responsible if something happend to her and all she needed was me to be there.

please help! this is the reason i would never want to have NC with her.

[houseofswans]

The 'please read' is blocked for me... .

[fromheeltoheal]

Kindhearted man saves hooker with heart of gold.  I've seen this movie.

Anyway, red flags all over the place, and BPD or not, here's what I see:

You've known each other a month and a half and you're talking marriage and kids, WAY too fast.

You broke your hand twice; that amount of drama this soon will only escalate.

If you were to stay together, are you OK with her hooking, or could she use some career counseling?

I'd look very deeply at your motivation for 'saving' her.

In a nutshell, RUN.  But if not, look very deeply at why you feel the way you do about her, and if you think you're being manipulated or not.  Borderline or not, some people are extremely good at eliciting sympathy, extracting cash, playing helpless as you're being played.  That may not be your girl, but it wouldn't be the first time.  Good luck to you!

[houseofswans]

Borderline or not, some people are extremely good at eliciting sympathy, extracting cash, playing helpless as you're being played.

Yes, yes, yes... .:'(

[savior]

Kindhearted man saves hooker with heart of gold.  I've seen this movie.

Anyway, red flags all over the place, and BPD or not, here's what I see:

You've known each other a month and a half and you're talking marriage and kids, WAY too fast.

You broke your hand twice; that amount of drama this soon will only escalate.

If you were to stay together, are you OK with her hooking, or could she use some career counseling?

I'd look very deeply at your motivation for 'saving' her.

In a nutshell, RUN.  But if not, look very deeply at why you feel the way you do about her, and if you think you're being manipulated or not.  Borderline or not, some people are extremely good at eliciting sympathy, extracting cash, playing helpless as you're being played.  That may not be your girl, but it wouldn't be the first time.  Good luck to you!

in total we were together for a year. we were happy b4 we moved in together. but once she moved in she got out of escorting and i became controlling. we found out why i was being like that cuz of her past and her not believing one person beinig responsible for one another. She only stuck around for that for 1.5 months. then she decided she was moving out and was planning on going back to work. We were still together and it went on and off. and in the end she broke up with me. To this day she said she loved me but she didnt seem to understand how heavy the things she done was. if you truly loved someone you would work at it. stayed and didnt care that i hurt myself until she really told me she didnt want it anymore.

[savior]

she never asked for money and one of the reasons shes going back so she can feel like she can depend on herself and not me.

I just feel like she really does have BPD because the cycle of my relationship was exactly that.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

is it ok i am there for her?

[Hazelrah]

Savior,

Fromheeltoheal pretty much sums up what most people are going to advise you here.  There are so many red flags it is hard to keep them all straight. 

Here's a rather obvious one for me: most 20-year olds are rather fickle to begin with... .add escorting, sexual abuse, etc., and I'm afraid you can't really be surprised when the promises they've made fall apart.  But to top that off--broken hands, abortions, et al in the early stages of a relationship?  I'd really start working on getting your heart to reach the point you say your body/mind have reached. 

Many of us understand clinical depression, so we're sympathetic to that.  As such, I say the following with sincere kindness:  I would highly advise sticking with your therapy in an effort to heal and really delve into why you would be drawn to a relationship of this sort in the first place.

[fromheeltoheal]

is it ok i am there for her?

Whatever you say is OK is OK with us, and it boils down to what you want and need.  Looks like you've been digging into the info on BPD on this site and that's good.  If you notice a lot of similarities then also notice the advice folks who have been there and driven to this site by pain are telling you.  Take care of you!