Trying to get over him :(

[Oracle]

My ex upwBPDbf left me two weeks ago, 180 miles away.  I have been n/c for 8 days and he has deactivated his fb account seven days ago.

I think I was recycled every other day for the last two months, pushing and pulling, him taking away all contact, then messaging me wanting to see me.  This whole process was very confusing, very hurtful, elating, painful... .such an emotional rollercoaster.  :'(

I have been through hell, I am unable to deal with these feelings, I am sick of him being in my head 24/7.  So I decided that maybe having a talk with his ex who he met before me ( with her five months) would help me to stop feeling like I was going crazy.  So I met with her last night and she is a lovely lady.  We shared the same jealousy, possesive, cheating accusations but she wasn't with him as long as me ( 20 months) to experience the rages and cheating, splitting etc.  So I felt a little relieved.     Then she told me this... ." he loves you very much"

Arghhhh I really wanted to feel better today! I don't understand the silence, I don't understand the moving away I just don't understand any of it. I love him so much but I just want to stop feeling like this.  I feel upset (not angry?) that he lied to me all this time about his ex, made me feel like a bad person I just want to text him and give him a mouthful, I am counting on you all to advise me before I do.

Oracle

PS apologies if I waffled or nothing makes sense I'm not very good at this