Daughter with BPD

[purplemonsoon]

Hi I am new to bpdfamily.com and wanted to introduce myself.

I am mum to a 16 year old who was diagnosed in June 2013 with BPD.

She is currently an in-patient in a young persons unit 50 miles from home as she took her 5th overdose in 18 months last Friday. The local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team has been very supportive and our daughter was offered DBT fairly quickly following her diagnosis. However her psychologist had a 4 week holiday recently and the DBT stopped.

My daughter is constantly saying that she no longer wants to be here and the only way forward for her is to go into a residential therapeutic setting However it seems that all the programmes in the UK are set up for people 18 and over. I believe that my daughter will not be around when she's 18 if things don't change and the stress on my partner and I and our two younger children is unbearable.

Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, purplemonsoon and welcome... .I'm so very sorry that your daughter is having these problems, and I know that you are trying so hard to do the right thing for her and finding closed doors. It's terrible that this is happening; so many of us parents on this site have been in your situation, and it breaks our hearts to see our children in pain without the help we know they need. We understand 

You say she is currently in an inpatient facility; how long will be able to stay there? That she started DBT, but now her therapist is on holiday; is there no other therapist for her to see? The program that was handling her DBT cannot place her with someone else? Maybe they are in the position to help you find a Residential Treatment Center for her?

Your local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Team has no insights or advice for you?

We have many people on this site who are from the UK (I am from the U.S.), and maybe they can chime in and give you more advice than I can about this problem... .In the meantime, we do have lots of educational material on this site that can give you more understanding of how your daughter's mind works, and how to deal with her. This link is a great start: What can a parent do?

Please tell us more of your situation, and ask your questions... .and read all you can on this site. We are here for you, and understand what you are facing and how you are feeling; please know that we want to help 

[qcarolr]

Hi purplemonsoon,

How are things going for you today? It is so hard when our teens are so distressed. Can you explain for me the difference between the young people in-patient program where she is now and the residential setting she is asking about? What kinds of therapies are available while the trusted DBT therapist is away?

This disorder is very hard on the whole family -- our BPDkids take so much of the family resources. Especially the emotional resources. What things can you do to take care of yourself? I have found that getting counseling, finding a parent support group or even a supportive friend, getting as much joy with the others in my family (esp while your DD is in a safe setting, whether she likes it or not) has helped me so much.

There are so many tools and skills on the sidebar to the right. Many of these provide we parents with new ways to communicate with our precious kids. It has amazed me how my learning how to be more validating of my DD27's emotional state, without agreeing with her acting out behaviors, has allowed her to start responding to me in new ways. And it has so helped me find energy for my marriage and my young granddaughter (gd8) who lives with dh and I.

Please keep coming back and let us know how it is going. We understand and care. Your D is young and her brain is still growing and open to positive changes. You can learn to be a part of this process.

qcr

[purplemonsoon]

Thanks so much for your lovely responses... .it's made me tearful  :'( just knowing there are others out there who are travelling on the same painful and confusing path.

The in-patient unit is really just for when my daughter is feeling suicidal. No therapeutic work occurs when she's there,it's more of a place of safety. Her psychiatrist has said it's likely she will have further admissions until her DBT really kicks in... .but how can it when she has long gaps in between sessions. She usually stays for about a week and we are expecting her home tomorrow. They try to keep admissions short as there's evidence to suggest that the longer the admission, the higher the risk of suicide upon discharge 

The therapeutic programes in the uk are for those 18 years and over. I'm researching if there are any that take u18 year olds but then the problem would be getting funding. She would also have to have been thru at least a year of DBT before she would be considered.

We are meeting with her support team this week and will be pushing for regular consistent DBT sessions.

In addition the anorexia she had earlier this year has resurfaced big time and she's determined to see it through this time... .meaning she wants to lose so much weight and get so ill that she's readmitted to the young persons unit. I've implored her to focus on the future and working on dealing with her BPD.

Would love to hear from parents in UK re any therapeutic residential units for those with BPD.

Will check out the sites tools... .feel I am learning everyday but it's such a huge struggle esp as we are still grieving for my beautiful sister who died 3 months ago from cancer.

THANK YOU ALL

[qcarolr]

purplemonsoon - I am so sorry to here of the loss of your sister. Perhaps this is a factor in your D's current need for extra safety. That is one possible idea about her strong need to be in hospital. I do hope the meeting this week gives good results.

Would there be any options for parent/child DBT classes. The understanding support from family can make a great difference. Learning the DBT skills myself helped me, and this created a more supportive environment in relation to both my DD and gd.

Mindfulness is a big part of DBT and helps all of us. Focusing on just TODAY is so valuable. I understand the need as a parent to implore for our kids to think of the future. Yet this can be adding to the stresses. Check out the link to the right for "Be Self-aware and of Wisemind" if you feel an interest in this idea.

Hang in there. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

qcr

[purplemonsoon]

Thanks qcaroir

Yes Im sure my sister's death has been an added stress as my daughter was suicidal just days after the funeral and had an admission then.

I have asked the psychologist if we could meet to discuss how DBT works so that we can build on her sessions. Unfortunately there are no local support groups but we may look into whether we could access a support group in Edinburgh where the young persons in-patient unit is.

I will definitely check out the links as I really want to do everything I can to help my daughter. We are working well together and she is quite good at saying what helps and what doesn't... .apparently me saying "You will get through this is a no no!" I had a strong interest in Buddhism many years ago and learnt lots about mindfulness them... .need to remind myself of the principles.

Many thanks for your support and prayers