Is exBPDgf being manipulative

[State85]

I’ve been broken up from my exBPDgf for 2 months now. In that time she has contacted me about remaining friends, etc. Now, I’m getting text messages saying she has some kind of medical problem, which I will not elaborate on. How she cannot go to the Dr. because she has no insurance since she is out of work, and has been for about 3 months. Her being out of a job is true.  She claims I do not care, since if I reply to these messages I might say something like “hope you feel better”, or “sorry to hear that”. Now I don’t know if she actually has this condition, and if she does, I’m coming off as not caring. I don’t want to call her up, talk to her about it, etc. I really don’t want to respond to a text as I feel it is giving her attention from me. I should preface all this, in that I have been replaced by someone she still calls only a “friend”, and lately there is another person she is apparently hanging out with as well. This second person is retired (20 years older than her), so they have all the time in the world to “meet” if you will since he is retired, and she isn’t working. I’m not sure if they are aware of this “condition” or not. I am a Christian person, and don’t know how to respond to her saying I don’t care about this latest medical problem. I’d like to say “Just take it up with X and X, they are in your life now”. But, that would make her believe I am jealous of that situation.

[A Step-Mom]

Is there any reason to stay in contact with her?

She's fishing for a reaction from you. I don't know your entire situation, but I don't see why there is any need to respond to her at all anymore. If you give her the attention she's demanding, it will only escalate with more lies and drama.

If I was in your shoes (now again, I don't the whole story) I would just cut all ties and move on. As difficult as that might seem in the short term, it may be best long term.

[State85]

Step Mom,

I agree with what you said. But, if she does have some type of condition, why ask for sympathy or whatever from me. I say go to who, or whomever, is occupying your time at this moment. It's funny, I will not hear from her for a while, and then all of a sudden I do. Kinda like, if she is occupied or receiving "attention" I will not hear nothing.

[Octoberfest]

My BPDex told many that she had cancer and was leaving town to seek treatment for that.  She did not have cancer... .as confirmed by her brother. Just another lie in her long run of lies.

Not to say that my experience necessitates that your BPDex is lying... .But have a healthy amount of skepticism. And yes, express your condolences but keep your distance.  You can have empathy for her without marching willingly back into that booby trap

[fromheeltoheal]

My borderline ex did the same thing, wanted to be 'friends' after we broke up, in fact saying she 'loved me very much as a friend.'

Translation: she loved having me in her life but the closer we got, the more triggered she got, it got very ugly for both of us, so she's trying to have me in her life but at a distance, because she really likes me.  I can empathize with her on that, getting close to someone because it feels good, but at some point it starts to feel bad so she pushes that person away.  I guess we all experience that to some extent, but it's just so much more intense for a borderline, and they never get what they're longing for.  Sad.

But from my perspective, someone who treats me the way she did, the abuse, condescension, disrespect, I don't consider a friend, and then throw the unfaithfulness on top of it and I gotta go sunshine.  Someone has to think of my needs and it sure as hell won't be her, so over the horizon we go, in search of a brighter tomorrow.

[Ironmanrises]

so she's trying to have me in her life but at a distance, because she really likes me.

"I hate you, Don't leave me". The cruel contradiction.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey State85, Those w/BPD have a quiver of arrows marked FOG, and some of the arrows are labeled Fear, some Obligation and others Guilt.  From what you describe, your BPDxGF sent an arrow in your direction, but so far it doesn't seem to have pierced your shield.  Be careful, though, because those arrows can inflict a lot of pain and if one arrow missed, you can be pretty sure that she will shoot another at you.  Lucky Jim

[fromheeltoheal]

so she's trying to have me in her life but at a distance, because she really likes me.

"I hate you, Don't leave me". The cruel contradiction.

Yep, and think about living with that contradiction full time, not knowing why, and not being able to change it.  Shtty way to live, I empathize, and I gotta go.

[State85]

Here's the latest. I do a log of swim, bike, and running. I used to use a site that tracked your cycling and/or running. Now she uses it. It's kind of like a social network for athletes (Strava). I haven't used it in some time, as I use a different one... .but I'm still shown as a member. I get an e-mail over Thanksgiving that she is following me on this site. Out of curiosity I go to her profile, and there he is... .one of my replacement which she is following and he following her... .Think she either 1) wants to keep tabs on me through that site, even though I don't use it... .so that's kinda strange, or 2) wants me to know about this replacement.   Amazing.

[Octoberfest]

My borderline ex did the same thing, wanted to be 'friends' after we broke up, in fact saying she 'loved me very much as a friend.'

Translation: she loved having me in her life but the closer we got, the more triggered she got, it got very ugly for both of us, so she's trying to have me in her life but at a distance, because she really likes me.  I can empathize with her on that, getting close to someone because it feels good, but at some point it starts to feel bad so she pushes that person away.  I guess we all experience that to some extent, but it's just so much more intense for a borderline, and they never get what they're longing for.  Sad.

But from my perspective, someone who treats me the way she did, the abuse, condescension, disrespect, I don't consider a friend, and then throw the unfaithfulness on top of it and I gotta go sunshine.  Someone has to think of my needs and it sure as hell won't be her, so over the horizon we go, in search of a brighter tomorrow.

This was a pretty hard realization for me... .why was I in a romantic relationship,and in love with, someone who I wouldn't even want to be friends with because of the things they did to me? That was a hard pill to swallow... .To realize that because I was involved with her I had been giving her a free pass on some awful behavior I would have walked away from had I just been friends with her.

[Ironmanrises]

so she's trying to have me in her life but at a distance, because she really likes me.

"I hate you, Don't leave me". The cruel contradiction.

Shtty way to live, I empathize, and I gotta go.

You crack me up every time now with "i gotta go"  I needed that laugh. Thank you From.

[santa]

Without even reading what you wrote... .YES!

They are constantly being manipulative. It's all they do, all the time.

[Pretty Woman]

She is fishing.  Whomever "bites" is her "catch of the day"

"of the day" being pretty accurate!

I spoke with an expert in BPD and she told me it's imparative you change your contact info. Do not let her contact you. You have to move on and get help. We only attract our own emotional maturity unfortunately. The only difference is we are not this cruel.